


All The King's Horses

by ConfessorKahlan



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Murder, Background Case, Canon-Typical Violence, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Has a Penis, Courtroom Drama, Dark Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, F/F, F/M, Female Gavin Reed, Fluff and Smut, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gavin Reed Whump, Hank Anderson and Connor are Family, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, Idiots in Love, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Not Beta Read, Original Character(s), POV First Person, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Penis In Vagina Sex, Period-Typical Racism, Post-Peaceful Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Protective Connor, Protective Hank Anderson, References to Drugs, Road Trips, Sexual Tension, Suicidal Thoughts, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Touch-Starved Gavin Reed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-19 13:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 53,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22178338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConfessorKahlan/pseuds/ConfessorKahlan
Summary: I could still feel the blood gushing through my fingers. The ragged hole punched right through the middle of my life. I was now the harbinger of pain. The agony lingered. If I was going to die in this shit hole it should be my choice. My way. If you loved someone, and you knew you would only hurt them, how far would you go to stop it? What would you do?Except I had a reason to live, didn't I?Fuck.
Relationships: Connor/Gavin Reed
Comments: 16
Kudos: 34





	1. Way to go, Dingus

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of things to bear in mind as you go forward: I write poetry, mainly, so you're going to see some repetition in the writing. I also am not super observant as a person with most things, and this is POV so Gavin will probably not be giving much away in terms of scenery or clothing choices unless she's directly effected. I have never never never written anything set in anything remotely modern before. I was quite happy in the Dragon Age fandom before this. This is by far and large the most self indulgent thing I've ever written, as I tend to stick close to cannon (normally). I literally drove across the state, blasting a playlist I made for the game, and came up with this. Be gentle with me, I beg of you.

\----

I wasn't expecting this when I woke up. When I crawled on crunching joints out of my bed and dragged my haggard ass to the vape shop to buy a new coil. I was standing there, eyes still partially glued shut with sleep, looking like a swamp witch and suddenly I look up and I see _him_. The fucking android was on the news again. A close up of his stupid fucking perfect face, dressed in his Cyberlife best, leading an army of thousands of identical androids out of the Cyberlife tower on Belle Isle. It was the same clip they'd aired live the night of the revolution. 

  
_Fuck me..._

  
"What the fuck. Turn that up." I said to John, the manager of Liquid Smoke, jerking my crusty face toward the TV on the wall behind him. He rolled his eyes and complied. 

  
"You know the plastic?" He sneered scornfully. I knew that look. The _"I thought you were better than this"_ expression every single person I've ever met made at some point. He passed the bag with the extra coil and juice in it to me as I stood there with my mouth open, squinting up like a fucking weirdo. 

  
I've never been good with emotions. I mean, inside sure. I know exactly what's going on but it doesn't translate right so usually it comes out more like hot garbage instead of coherent thoughts. Like it or not, I had a carefully constructed reputation. I couldn't let myself ruin that now, even if I wanted to pistol whip the expression off John's shitty face.

  
"I really don't." I said, mystified. I _would_ be the one to sleep through the most impactful moment in history. 

  
"News says they're people now." John said, looking for a lifeline, or proof of what he must think of me by now. I didn't care which. We'd known this was coming for months.

  
"Standing in a garage doesn't make you a car." I quipped habitually without conviction. I hadn't felt that way for a while now, even if I'd still managed to say the most dickhead things I could think of to Connor.

  
What's that old saying? If someone is mean to you that mean's they like you? Yeah. Schoolyard bully bullshit. _Fuck I'm a terrible person._

  
John flashed a disingenuous smile, showing too much teeth. "I hear that." he said. What I'd said hadn't actually made any sense. What a fuckwit. 

  
I fought the urge to shake my head, instead double checking I had my items. "Yeah." I said. _Good. Noncommittal._ I wasn't willing to keep digging this tunnel to hell in the vape shop even if it made me look like a hypocrite so instead I walked out and didn't look back.

  
It was a short walk back to my car and as I slid into the driver's seat I checked my phone finally. 4 missed calls from Tina. I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt. Jesus Christ woman.

  
I think my soul has left my body. Fucking Tina Chen. I groan loudly, resting my head on my steering wheel for I don't know how long before I strongly consider a full out mutiny. Who needs a job anyway. Pfft. Me. I do. Goddamnit. I took a deep hit of my vape, pulling it to my toes and holding it. This was so much better than cigarettes ever were, and one more thing to be smug about. One more layer in my coat of many (asshole) colors. I didn't mind wearing that label. At least I wasn't going to die of cancer.

Nicotine saturated and feeling a bit high, I started the car and turned on the autonomous driving system, not trusting myself not to shake to pieces on the way home.

  
Omen was waiting for me when I opened the front door, looking like a bored Egyptian god. Green eyes bright and curious. Trust a cat to always know when they're needed and to fuck off the rest of the time. He rubbed his grey body against my legs, softly keening. He wanted food, I knew. Fatshit cat. My phone rang as I poured. CHEN. I sighed heavily, answering after listening to the entire ringtone twice.

  
"What!" I snapped. "I'm going to block your number bitch, I swear to god."

  
"Yeah, whatever. I'm at work. Connor is here early." Her laugh made me want to strangle her. So he was back as a detective? Fowler had played hell trying to get him reinstated after he'd gone rogue, and broke I don't know how many laws. He'd been around too much, riding a desk until they could sort him out. There had been a plethora of opportunities for me to make an ass of myself.

  
"Careful Chen, someone might pull your gay card." I snarled, feeling petulant.

  
She sounded exasperated even over speakerphone "Just talk to him you ninny."

  
_The hell is a ninny?_

"You realize last time I talked to him I told him I sometimes forget to wear underwear." I ground out through my clenched teeth. Why couldn't I get a brain tumor or something? I wanted to set myself on fire after that. Self immolation seemed like a shitty way to go. Shitty, but preferable. I shuddered. 

  
"You're kidding!" She chortled. "God you suck, Reed."

  
I scowled at my phone. She wasn't saying anything I didn't already know. "Yeah, at least I'm not Linda. I'd hate to be in her head since last night. Anyway that was months ago." _Evasive maneuvers. Nice._

  
Officer Linda was a sack of shit who hated androids for all the same ignorant ass reasons I used to. _-and you were friends with her._

  
"Cheer up kid, it's time for your redemption arc." Chen supplied. "So get your ass down here!" My speaker shrieked in indignation. I tripped trying to wedge myself into some skinny jeans.

  
"I'm coming nerd, shut the fuck up." I hissed, hanging up so I could put some kind of effort into my appearance, not that I could think of a good reason why.

  
A young female in my line of work had to be a prick or she'd never get anywhere. I'd lived up to that expectation without prejudice. I acted the part of the cold shrew until the men in my department knew enough to reliably warn any newcomers not to waste their time. I didn't put out. I was probably a dyke or worse, a democrat. Oh the rumor mill efficiently ground my bones into a fine and more manageable hateful feminazi dust and I had encouraged it every opportunity I'd gotten, despite how much (at the heart of me) I hate being hated.

  
I found over the last year the adopted persona they'd cultivated and I'd encouraged had slipped beyond the realm of what they thought and bled into who I really was. I was now so full of vitriol I could spew it without having to try. Every time I opened my mouth, something heinous landed on someone's shoes. I told myself I had to maintain the status quo so much it didn't feel like a lie anymore. Eventually I even stopped apologizing in my head.

  
After all, wasn't this better than having the whole station trying to fuck me, or worse, get to know me? Last time. Well last time he fucked me every single way _except good_. _fucked me up is more accurate._ I'd rather not shit this bed in particular, no matter how much of a circus the rest of my life was, even if there was a certain beautiful android who by his very existence appealed to every single bad idea I'd ever had in the dark. Connor was a demon from my own personal hell and I hated him for it. I had wanted him to hate me. I would freely admit in certain small circles now that I at the time I had not thought that desire all the way through. 

  
30 minutes and I was groomed, dressed and climbing back into my car. As it purred to life I turned on the playlist I'd made of music my mom was into so I could miss her properly. I also admit, my mother's taste in music ran toward the scandalous. She'd championed free flowing emotions, whether good or bad.

  
Halsey crooned to me, my own thoughts coming through my speakers and suddenly I felt like I was walking into a damn trap.

  
_Would you bleed for me?_

  
_Lick it off my lips like you needed me?_

  
_Would you sit me on a couch?_

  
_With your fingers in my mouth?_

  
_You look so cool when you're reading me_

  
Yes, goddamn I wanted that, and I was hopelessly fucked up over it. How many accumulated hours had I spent staring at Connor? Enough that I felt like some kind of pervert. I hung around crime scenes to watch him work and give Anderson shit because I loved to rag on him. I wanted to tell him how much I respected him. How sorry I was about his kid. Anything except what I always ended up saying. Anything was better than that. 

  
After an event like a full on civil rights movement, and the subsequent changes in law I'd expected a flurry of activity surrounding the station. I expected chaos incarnate, just like the night it all hit the fan. Walking through the front doors of the DCPD central station, the resounding silence hit my gut like ice water after a marathon. There was supposed to be 32 active police personnel here, and at least a dozen androids. 

  
_Jesus..._

  
The front lobby was empty. No people, no androids. I felt their absence inside me. Each of my echoing steps made me want to flinch back against the press of uncompromising desolation. I hurried my steps through the no man's land that my second home now resembled. 

  
_Tina could have fucking warned me._

  
As I approached the bullpen thinking the chaos might be localized I found myself again looking into a vast emptiness. A few detectives and officers crowded into the break room, eyes intent on the LCD. Some wore expressions of disbelief while others schooled their faces to something more neutral. Tina and Chris were animatedly looking around before exchanging excited glances. Fowler stood at the back of the group with his trademark scowl. It would have been comforting if he didn't have the glassy eyes of a lost soul. The only ones who were not transfixed, who sat quietly talking at their desks, was Hank Anderson and Connor.

  
Part of me hadn't even expected them to be here. After all, androids were officially people now. Surely this particular android would have followed his kind and gotten as far away from the DCPD as he could. Away from people like Linda. Away from people like me. I didn't realize I was staring, watching Connor's micro expressions when he spoke, leaning forward in his seat. His jacket was on the back of his chair, and the sleeves of his white shirt were rolled up. Tie on the desk. Hair disheveled. Glorious.

  
"REED! You're late!" Fowler barked so loud I almost jumped out of my skin. If I hadn't been on the razors edge of my capacity for horseshit, I might have laughed. I didn't look away when his head snapped up. 

  
I stormed to the coffee machine at the back of the break room and with careful focus, pressed the appropriate combination of buttons to produce the hottest vanilla monstrosity I could manage. Anything to forget the look the android had given me when Jeff so kindly called me out. They way his brown eyes conveyed something more than machine when they met mine. A small smile tugged at his lips and I could not imagine why, of all the shitty humans on earth, he'd smile at me. It was almost nothing at all. I didn't have the good sense to look away when I'd been caught ogling so I'd stood there, locked in a gaze that was unquestionably _alive_. Until Hank claimed his attention again and he broke contact.

  
I cringed into my caffeine, slinking into my chair at my terminal with no fanfare. I didn't want attention on a good day, and especially not today. 

  
Warren was on every channel. "Today we signed new legislation, acknowledging the person-hood and rights of every android, fully realized." Her voice was that nasal cadence people used when they were on tv a lot. I watched carefully, hoping the room wasn't about to explode. My nerves were practically vibrating after a few tense moments. For once I'd called it.

_B O O M_

  
"What a load of shit." Linda scoffed from her seat. Most everyone near her wandered away without comment. We had shit to do today. Chris Miller, Tina's partner, broke away from their conversation with a heavy sigh.

  
"Something on your mind?" he asked without the pretense of civility, moving to stand along side her stool. 

  
_Oh, this is gonna be bad._

  
Chen hung back, shooting me an exasperated glance. I smirked and shrugged, pressing my mug to my lips in a bid to hide my face. This I didn't need. I could feel my face flushing. I hoped I never sounded that bad. Deep down, I knew I did. _Way to go dingus._

  
Linda all but snarled, eyes so narrow I would have been surprised if she could see at all. "Everyone in this room knows those goddamn things aren't _alive_ , and even if they were, it's not the same thing. They weren't born. They didn't grow up. Didn't earn their place. That RK-Whatever is not _real._ " She pointed to Anderson's side of the bullpen looking like some kind of harpy. Hank was turning purple, and Connor was blushing blue, brown eyes impossibly wide.

  
 _Hmm. That's different_. Not unattractive though, I decided, taking no pleasure in his obvious chagrin. 

  
Chris on the other hand, looked like someone lit him on fire. The entire room was watching the exchange with renewed interest, and I sank a little lower in my chair.

  
_Here we go._

  
Hank had turned his entire body toward the scene Linda was making. Connor, to his credit was silent, suddenly finding the ceiling riveting. He looked sort of happy, or like he was smelling something weird. The expression was entirely out of place in the current atmosphere. It occurred to me he was probably going for something else, and missing the target by a mile. LED spinning wildly yellow. I pushed my mug harder into my lips, willing myself not to be noticed.

  
"His name is Connor." Hank boomed at the same time Chris, much closer to her hissed " _He_ seems pretty real to me." The steel in his voice was unmistakable, except that Linda was a fucking idiot. She looked between the men with a scowl, apparently understanding she didn't have the sand to go toe to toe with the Lieutenant so instead she opted (like a moron) to address only Chris.

  
"Just because you _fuck_ the babysitter model when your wife's not around doesn't make it real." 

  
For the second time that day I was acutely aware of the sensation that my soul exited my body stage left. My stomach dropped into oblivion. A black hole opened inside me, and what sat in it's center was _boiling_.

  
Luckily, Chen was an agile woman. She had Chris by the arm and was dragging him away before he could recover his shocked senses, talking about going to motor-pool when the ghost of holy-shitsville possessed me. It was a shock to even me, that it was my voice raised above the sound of Linda's next attack, halting her descent into stupidity. 

  
"Fuck's sake, Linda! I'd rather break my dick off in a blender than listen to your fucking voice."

  
Where the hell did that come from?

  
All eyes on me. Even Fowler was watching from the stoop by his office. Arms crossed, check. Signature scowl, check. The crowd goes wild, figuratively. A few people brave enough to laugh. I wasn't one of them. 

  
All 5 foot 5 inches of Linda LeTempt turned toward me as she slid off her stool and glided like specter from a nightmare I'm pretty sure I had once to lean on one hand at my desk, towering over me with hatred in her eyes.

"I bet you do have a dick you fucking freak." I could feel myself going red. 

  
There it was. That look. **I thought you were better than this**. _Turns out I'm not_. Show time. I gently set my mug down, carefully placing it to the far corner before standing. The fury curling up my spine had me pushing my much smaller frame into the vacuum of space between us until I was close enough to her face I could feel her breaths on my eyelashes. 

  
"My money's on Reed." Somebody, I missed who, said to another officer near by. Everyone was looking at us. Even Connor. He'd moved, I noticed. Edged closer, LED red as hell. Fitting. I was red too. 

  
"Big talk, little girl. Are you fucking the brave little toaster? I bet you are. Look at that blush. Does your _brother_ know?" She mocked, and really, she knew better. "Your mother would be _so proud_."

  
_Goddamn you._

  
My lips curled into a snarl of my own. Something horrible and oh so familiar uncurled in my center, sending heat lightning to patchwork my insides. My heart was a supernova. 

  
" _Ladies_." Jeffrey growled in warning. Chen was gone. No ladies left in this room. 

  
Everything happened fast. It all happened at once. 

  
I grabbed the arm Linda was leaning on and danced under it and behind her before using a fistful of her shitty blond hair to slam her smug face into the glass top of my desk. 

  
I was wrapped in impossibly strong arms and ripped away and I was nowhere near finished. Linda wasn't either. She came up like a bat out of hell, blood gushing down her uniform. As she lunged at me, I aimed a kick to her jaw that knocked her flat on her back. 

  
It felt good to be unhinged. _Powerful._

  
"Get her out of here now!" Jeff thundered, as he rushed to kneel beside Linda's prone form on the station floor. 

  
"Red's a good color on you Lin! Really brings out the racism in your eyes!" I mocked her, grinning like a lunatic as I was dragged away. My feet were dangling, we rounded the corner to the ladies room and I helpfully kicked the door open as we entered, some of Linda's blond hair was still clutched in my fist.

  
"Let me DOWN." I growled, but made no effort to struggle. 

  
"Not until you calm down, Detective." That voice. Have mercy on me, it would be the fucking android who grabbed me. He would have seen it coming and intercepted. I had been faster than his pre-construction program. I was a little proud of that.  
I should have stayed home.

  
I took a deep breath, feeling ridiculous. Then another, focusing on my heart. I took one more for good measure. " _Please_ ," I insisted as gently as I could with a trembling voice.

  
He relaxed his grip slowly and I slid roughly down his body until my feet were back on solid ground. Was he as reluctant to let go as I was to be released? Wishful thinking on my part. I'd asked to be let go. I turned on him immediately, and looked up into deep soulful brown eyes. I thought for sure in that moment I was drowning. 

  
He smiled at me again, a small thing. LED blue. "That was quite a show." 

  
"We aim to please, Tinman." _Fuck, did I say that out loud?_ I rolled my weight to foot closest to him and met his gaze, daring him to try and drown me now.

  
Emotions as wild as wide as the sky rolled across his face till he finally settled on one I never thought to see on an android. "Detective Reed, I didn't know you cared." He said sardonically. 

  
So fucking hot, Jesus Christ. What the hell was I supposed to say? I didn't think. "Fuck me." I meant it. I didn't mean it. This shit was confusing. 

  
He lifted an eyebrow at me and I snorted. Shocked was a good look on him. He stepped back, hands in the air. 

  
_Put him out of his misery, Reed._

  
"It's an expression, dip shit. I'm not actually asking you to fuck me. Not that you even could, or maybe? I don't know. Fuck. That's your business, and I'm going to stop talking."

  
_What the hell?_

  
I gave him my best martyred expression. I wanted to close the distance. I wanted to feel the unexpected heat of him again. I settled for turning away and unceremoniously dropping Linda's hair in the sink. As I watched him relax in the mirror the gravity of my actions crashed into my bones and Hank strode into the ladies room.

_Jesus ya'll. This is a bathroom!_

  
The Lieutenants face was wry as he regarded me, lips thin under a killer scowl. "Come with me." 


	2. My safe word is pineapples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The universe was punishing me. It had to be. I very seriously considered eating a bullet right there in that fucked up chair. Let them sift through brain matter. A hysterical sound bubbled up from my throat. The world fell away. I forgot how to breathe correctly, in and out. in, in in in in in out in in in in...More than that. There simply wasn't enough air in the room. I could feel my lungs desperately clawing at the void around me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short one, I have so much written that I need to get moved from my phone and posted.

\----

Part of me always assumed the chairs in the Captain's office was intended to be uncomfortable. I tried not to squirm in mine, waiting for the hammer to drop. I was fired at best, and at worst, under arrest. To my right, Hank occupied the other chair. We sat together watching Jeff type without looking at us. Connor stood at our backs. I could feel the phantom of his body heat burning into my back. I didn't dare look up. 

  
"Reed, what the hell were you thinking?" Jeff finally asked, working the disappointed father figure angle. This was already going better than expected. He wasn't yelling.

  
"I wasn't." I answered immediately with the truth. I did at least have the good sense to look sheepish, though I didn't feel that way. 

  
"You assaulted a junior officer, Gavin. In full view of the cameras," _Fuck, shit_. I always forgot about the surveillance system. "I should have you in cuffs, never mind just taking your badge and service weapon." His voice was a soft imitation of patience. 

  
"I'm sorry." I whispered, imitating contrition. 

  
"Are you?" His voice was dripping with incredulity. He knew me well enough to know when I was lying.

  
I rolled the word around in my mouth. I wanted to make it more palatable. It wasn't. I wasn't. 

  
"No." 

  
Jeff's face screwed up into something unreadable. He looked like he wanted to lash out.

  
"Captain, If I may." Connor spoke softly. His voice carrying a gravitas that rooted me in place.

  
I didn't deserve whatever he was about to say. Or maybe I did. What the fuck did I know?

  
"I'd rather you didn't." 

  
"Detective Reed was repeatedly provoked." Connor pressed on, stepping up to my left. He placed a hand on my shoulder. _Jesus, fuck, shit._ "I'm new to emotions, but I can't imagine how overwhelming that must have been." Please stop. My heart was galloping over a cliff. Warmth shot through me like flares in my chest, pressing against the darkness. A silent cry for salvation. "My pre-construction software is at optimal condition. I can vouch for the Detective's self control, this incident aside." He squeezed, probably harder than he's intended to, but it anchored me in his subtle warning. 

  
"This incident aside?" Hank questioned, his eyes on the hand at my shoulder. _Let me die._

  
"An aberration." The android at my side confirmed, before releasing me again and stepping back. Connor went to bat for me, and I was floored. 

  
I waited, chewing my lip for Jeff to speak. The man was never one to mince words but today he appeared to be choosing his more carefully. It did nothing to set me at ease. He nodded at Connor, then turned his eyes on me. I made every effort not to shrink.  
"Be that as it may, after this morning I can't afford to do either. I can't even afford to put you on administrative leave till Linda's face heals." It gave me no small amount of vindictive pleasure. I wanted to say it could only improve her looks. The words sat heavy on my tongue like a spiked iron cudgel. I bit down on the urge till I tasted blood in my mouth. I wondered then, if androids, or specifically _this android_ could smell it. When his hand twitched in my periphery, I was sure he could. _Weird._

  
"You broke her nose. Don't roll your eyes at me. If I wasn't so impossibly understaffed I'd have all three of you out on your asses." There was a slight uptick in the set of his mouth. "Don't look so fucking pleased with yourself, Reed." He said irritably. "This is a goddamn police station, not the wild west!" He sounded tired. One man buried under a mountain of bullshit. "I thought you hated androids." He deadpanned. I tried to swallow the torrent of responses rising like bile in my throat. I wanted to use Chris as shield. He was my friend. I wanted to point out she'd brought up my family. To say it wasn't for Connor, _at all_. Instead I shifted nervously in my seat, taking a steadying breath. _Time to come clean kid_. 

  
"I was wrong." I hedged with a shrug. _Cleanish_. Beside me, Hank looked like somebody farted.

  
"Better late than never." He mumbled, and flash burned my blood.

  
"Fuck off, Anderson. You should talk." I snapped back.

  
"Gavin! That is your superior officer. Christ girl." Jeff admonished me, "I'm reassigning your caseload to the other detectives. Brass called down, they're going forward with the indictment of Tyler Donovan. You're a victim and a material witness. You'll be in a hotel under guard until the trial concludes, effective immediately. Keep your shit together and you might even have a job when this is over."

  
The universe was punishing me. It had to be. I very seriously considered eating a bullet right there in that fucked up chair. Let them sift through brain matter. A hysterical sound bubbled up from my throat. The world fell away. I forgot how to breathe correctly, in and out. in, in in in in in out in in in in...More than that. There simply wasn't enough air in the room. I could feel my lungs desperately clawing at the void around me.

  
_"You belong to me, you worthless fucking bitch. I'm your GOD." He sat on my chest, knee's over my elbows, crushing me to the floor. I couldn't see through the tears as his fist impacted my cheekbone with a heavy, wet crack. "You're disgusting." He spat in my face._

  
I couldn't see the room I was sitting in. I could have been anywhere. It didn't matter.

I felt like every single one of my nerves was exposed to the oxygen in the room and it burned. My heart hammered against my ribs as a wave nausea flayed me open.

  
"I can't-" I tried to clear my throat. "Jeff, I can't." 

  
_"No, stop!" I tried to scream. He grabbed my throat with both hands, pushing his weight down on my windpipe. I tried to stay awake. I knew what was next. This was a losing battle, though. He made sure I couldn't fight. The coward._

Silent tears streaked down my face. I was raw. I was trembling. It must have been strange for Hank to see me cry. I'd never given him any reason to think I was capable of complex emotions. He looked over at me, but I kept myself looking forward. My focus was on Jeff's desk plate. " Captain Jeffrey Fowler"

  
"I'm missing something here." Hank sounded confused. That made two of us. This couldn't wait until later? I thought that fuck Donovan had taken the plea deal. 

  
"Please don't." I begged. I didn't want anyone knowing this. I didn't want it in their heads. I didn't want the pity that would follow.

"I have to brief them, Gavin. They'll be with you. You'll be safe." S _afe. I've never been safe, old man_. So I had to testify, I could almost live with that. I couldn't do it like this. Not with them, not _him._

  
The explosion I was expecting from Hank never came. He already knew then, that this was coming. Probably his punishment for punching out Perkins. The room spun like a demonic merry go round from hell. 

  
"May I be excused?" I asked in the most uncharacteristic way, leaning on the intrinsic good southern manners I was raised with. The drawl in my words slowed the question, highlighting the accent I worked very hard to hide. For a moment I was 8 year old again in south Louisiana, trying to escape whatever vegetable my mom has put on my plate.

  
The room failed to hold a solid form and I was imploding. Without waiting for affirmation I jumped to my feet and forced myself back into my body. I didn't let myself think of what was happening. My crazy ex on trial. My ass in the witness chair. Being sequestered. Being guarded by the lieutenant and the breathtakingly beautiful android. I ran. 

  
For a few agonizing moments, I wasn't going to ever _stop_.


	3. Somebody tell Alexa to shut the fuck up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to hate him. I'd said as much. I left no room for doubt. Yet doubt had wiggled it's way through and pressed itself to me. Those feelings had transformed, and while I ignored them and continued my path of destruction, I knew I was a liar. Maybe he did too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the the last one I had typed up already, so the rest will come slower. There's some plot in there I think, did you see it? There's so much to post, and I apologize for spelling and continuity and flow errors. I had a lot of OT at work, so I wrote this in sections on my phone, then typed it up on my PC when I got home, and I'm way behind in that aspect. 
> 
> The songs in this chapter are:  
> Cat Pierce: You Belong To Me  
> Starset: Ricochet  
> Good With Grenades: Bruises and Bitemarks  
> 3 Days Grace: The High Road  
> Ursine Vulpine: Wicked Game  
> Sofia Karlberg: Shameless
> 
> I did not add slow burn to the tags though in writing it at home, it felt like it took a long time. I realize now, that's not the case at all. So we'll call it a flash burn, or a grease fire maybe.

\----

I'd scrambled through my front door, deftly locking all 4 deadbolts behind me, got the tequila from the freezer and marched into the bathroom like I was going to war. I slammed that door too, locking another deadbolt for good measure, and poured myself, clothes, gun and all into the empty ceramic claw foot tub.

  
An hour later I was forwarding another call from Tina to my voicemail and studiously ignoring Jeff, Chris, Hank, and one weird number that came up that didn't look like a phone number at all _#313 248 317 -51_. I didn't want to talk. I knew they wanted to know what happened. They deserved an explanation but I couldn't bear the pain of it.

  
The liquor stopped burning a while ago, and now it only offered warm comfort. This was as safe as it got. This was allowable. 

  
In the haze of my thoughts, tangling wildly with each other, I could see every mistake. Every excuse glared bright in the fog. A lighthouse beacon to the truth that under every carefully constructed wall, obstacle and trap I'd laid, That I was in fact scared and angry. At everyone, for everything.

  
I hated men because of Tyler. I hated androids because of Elijah, and I hated Elijah for making me face the death of our mother without him. I hated myself because I knew better than to think that hate solved anything, and did nothing about it. It consumed me raw. 

  
Under the crushing weight of all that rage, I was broken. 

  
"I just want to be happy, is that too goddamn much to ask!?" My voice was hoarse, choked thick with tears. I didn't know how to be happy. 

  
_Music might help._

  
"Alexa, play All The Kings Horses." 

  
My playlist started where I'd left off, punching me in the gut from the table next to the tub.

  
_Just say that you belong to me_   
_Crawl into my heart, take me apart_   
_Do what you please to me, I won't resist_

  
The dominant emotion I felt was disgust. How I could I feel this way about anyone? No. It was wrong, and not because he wasn't human. I barely passed as human anymore. No, I shouldn't be able to want. I had no right to. I forwarded another call from the strange number that wasn't a number.

  
\---

  
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, I pulled myself out of my tub, an accomplishment worthy of recognition, and shuffled to the full length mirror on the back of my bathroom door. I took another deep gulp of tequila. The burn was back in my chest, but I didn't care. However much time I'd lost, I hadn't sobered up enough to be put off. I welcomed the sting.

  
The woman in the mirror regarded me with open contempt. Dirty blonde hair hung straight, heavy and jagged down over her shoulders, past the small swell of her breasts before tapering off to their ends a few inches over the top of her rib cage.   
Even with the caramel complexion of my heritage, I looked like a glorious dead thing. 

  
I bit my lip, full and soft, staring back into startling bright grey eyes.

  
I turned my body and wondered. Did Connor find me as appealing as the others did? Could he? I didn't know if such a thing was possible. Slowly, carefully, I stiffly began to peel off my shoulder holster. I let it, and my gun drop into the overflowing laundry basket in the corner before turning back the mirror. 

  
"You. Why are you like this?" I questioned myself, poking a finger at the mirror and smudging the glass. "Fucking Gavin Kamski-Reed. Fuck you." My mirror self sneered like a predator. All sharp teeth and angles. _What a bitch_. I tossed my hair over my shoulder and sighed, rubbing my eyes with the heels of my hands.

  
_All these broken souls_   
_They never make me whole_   
_They don't_

  
I turned around and slid down the wall. Tyler was the nightmare that swallowed my sleep and left none for me. He was the weight in my chest, that made me heavy, slow, and inhumane. He was the rasp in my voice. The tremor in my hands. The unendurable agony I carried like a stone. He was my death and I let him kill me.

  
Hot tears crawled down my face. Cold dread sang in my blood. I fished my vape out of my pocket and took a deep hit, chasing catharsis like a dragon. I let the back of my head thump against the wall behind me, watching in rapture, the cloud of vapor rising from me. I let it out slowly, tasting it. A small hum of appreciation and phone rang again. It was Tina. The icons on my phone shimmered in my vision. It was 3:30? _Fuck me_. I hit the green icon.

  
"Jesus fuck Reed where have you been?!"

  
I scowled, looking around myself. "Home? I think this is my house. My cat's here."

  
"Nobody know's where you live asshole or I would have been there kicking your ass. Is that why you put your PO box on your file here? You want to hide?"

  
"Camouflage!" I laughed. I didn't need anyone in my space. _Not after Tyler_. 

  
"Are you drunk?" She sounded appropriately concerned. I sighed.

  
"As a skunk. So what? I'll be dead soon anyway." I snorted another laugh, without humor. I resolved warily this conversation was a bad idea.

  
"What-" Tina's voice was cut off with a splash as my phone landed squarely in the toilet. At least my aim didn't suck. I nodded thickly. _Yeah. I showed you_.

  
_Tyler held my face in an iron grip, fingers digging in. As he unlocked his jaw, breath hot and putrid from drug use, he jerked me closer, skimming his teeth roughly over my cheek. "You want this baby?" I wanted to scream. He didn't wait for my answer. He didn't care. He shoved his free hand down the front of my pants, blindly, painfully grasping at me within. "No!" I yelped. He shook me violently and I did scream. "Yes." No no no no. He forced his fingers into me. "Playing hard to get. Baby you know what that does to me." He growled._

  
The tequila was almost done, but I wasn't. Not even close. I chugged the last quarter of the bottle and threw it into the tub. 

  
_you're in a place for fear_   
_lips are for biting here_

  
Satisfaction settled in my gut when it shattered. I forcefully wiped away my tears with a low moan. Tyler promised to kill me if I ever turned on him. He promised, and he would. He did, in so far as he knew. No amount of hiding my address, my last name, or deadbolts were going to stop him from killing me for good this time. I curled against myself, wishing I could fold. The room danced like it was under water. I floated aimless in the ether, letting the dreamless void swallow me whole.

  
\---

  
"Not _again_."

  
A soft voice came to me in the darkness, piercing the quiet of my blissful oblivion. An LED shone through the inky black, pulsing furious RED. It was like needles in my eyes. I couldn't make it connect to my grasping, fumbling thoughts. Awareness skittered away.

  
"Turn that goddamn light off." I groaned, and heard a strained chuckle. I tried to push myself up but my hands were batted away. The floating sensation pulled upward, leaving my stomach floundering somewhere near the bottom, where I'd been maybe a hundred years before. Time meant nothing to me anymore. I was transcending the limits of my own bullshit.

  
"I can't see." I complained, feeling myself sink back into the black.

  
Soft breath on my face, too close, and a cool contrast to the heat that bled through my clothes. I felt submerged. "S'hot." I murmured. Shaking fingers fumbled with the buttons on my shirt, strong hands halted my progress.

  
_I told you I was hurt_   
_Bleeding on the inside_   
_I told you I was lost_   
_In the middle of my life_

  
"Open your eyes, Detective Reed."

  
_OH. HELL. NO._

  
I opened my eyes reluctantly. Connor's face was a few inches from mine. He held me cradled against him in his lap on my bathroom floor. The deadbolt hung useless from the door frame. He looked magnificent. 

  
"Connor. Let me up." I tried to move and his grip tightened.

  
"Forgive me," fighting a tight smile. "But no." The resolve in his voice rolled like thunder through me. Several emotions crossed his face at once. Gone was the puppy dog android who'd followed Hank around solving crimes. Unassuming and utterly polite.  
This was the android who'd taken out an entire team of heavily armed guards on Belle Isle without breaking a sweat. More than once I'd seen him bypass his social programs entirely and do something whimsical. He seemed to be doing exactly that, so I decided to try a different tack.

  
_Will you help me find the right way up_   
_Or let me take the wrong way down_   
_Will you straighten me out_   
_Or make me take the long way around_

  
"Why are you holding me captive in my bathroom?" I asked, keeping my tone light. 

  
He seemed to be considering his answer carefully. Drunken curiosity got the better of me, and I reached up to touch his LED. It pulsed RED for a split second, before turning a brighter blue than I'd ever seen. This smile touched his eyes. I'd never seen anything so beautiful. 

  
"Gavin. You're not a prisoner. It's just. Emotions are very new to me, and I'm feeling...so many. The profile I've constructed of your pathology suggested physical contact was the best way to mitigate a violent reaction, and I find myself, _overwhelmed_. I will let you go, if you wish, but know that it is not my wish. I want to protect you, Detective."

  
_Oh._

  
I couldn't help my answering smile. The first in years. My face split into a grin. _I'm never drinking tequila again_. Overwhelming was a good word for the way this felt. I couldn't want him. I had no right. No goddamn right at all but all I wanted was to kiss him. My heart faltered and before I could stop I pushed myself up, painfully aware of his body pressed to mine. _Don't overthink this._ I urged myself on, snatching liquid courage from thin air.

  
_I took the low road in_   
_I'll take the high road out_   
_I'll do whatever it takes_   
_To be the mistake you can't live without_

  
His hands held my face. He must have realized what I'd been about to do. He held me still, less than an inch away from his perfect mouth. 

  
"You're...inebriated." His voice was so gentle it almost took the sting out. _Almost_.

  
"Drunk is the word you're hunting for, Tinman. Exactly why we _should_ do this." _While I'm still too hungry for you to stop_. Slowly I reached up again, pressing the pad of my middle finger to his LED. It burned brighter. "Please, Connor." I was a sick puppy. Drunk off my ass, laying on the floor, begging an android to kiss me.

  
"Detective, your blood alcohol-" He stammered, blushing blue. That wasn't a no. 

  
I wrapped my arms around his neck, maintaining the distance even though everything in me was screaming to close it. "Shut up." I growled. It had to be his choice.

  
I needed for just one moment to pretend I could be wanted by him. I hadn't expected him to concede. 

  
_The world was on fire and no one could save me but you_   
_It's strange what desire will make foolish people do_

  
His lips were on mine, softer than anything I could imagine. The stiff set of his body melted into something so human it burst in my chest and he was pulling me tighter to him. New stars were born in the pit of my stomach. Something repressed had broken free. He poured it all into me. The darkness within was consumed by the fire as his mouth moved eagerly against mine. 

  
I was under attack. The man above me was trying to swallow me whole. As the room around us wavered and shifted, I shucked the armor I'd worn like a second skin for so many years. As it peeled away, leaving me vulnerable and overheated, I heaved it from my mind. The draw of my breaths were long and deep. I wanted to feel this with every bit of me. He tasted sweet and utterly insane. Insanity was the word of the day, and it was so profound it ached. In the grasp of liquor and devestation, I clung to Connor like a lifeline I had no right to ask or hope for. Something inside him was clawing it's way into me. 

  
I was supposed to hate him. I'd said as much. I left no room for doubt. Yet doubt had wiggled it's way through and pressed itself to me. Those feelings had transformed, and while I ignored them and continued my path of destruction, I knew I was a liar. Maybe he did too. His teeth grazed my lip and I moaned into his mouth. We moved together, devouring everything. I could have spent the rest of my life like this. 

  
_I'd never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you_   
_And I'd never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you_

  
When he pulled away, his face was anxious, confused and _hungry_. "You're drunk." He took a staggering breath I figured he probably didn't need, or, needed more than anything. "There's a 65% chance you'll shoot me in the face for this." He said softly.  
I scoffed. I was pretty sure shooting him was no longer an option. I hadn't missed his eyes darting to basket that held my gun. I shook my head to clear it, getting dizzy instead.

  
"I think I should sleep." I said, not dignifying his worries with an answer. "Can we get off the floor _now_?" Weariness caught me by the ankle, and down, down, down, it pulled.

  
He smiled, a small quirk in the perfection of his face, and stood fluidly with me in his arms as if I weighed nothing at all.

  
"I can walk." I protested weakly. Pressing my palm flat to the side of his face and shoving. Not only did his head not move a fraction he actually sighed.

  
"Don't bother, Detective." He said, rolling his eyes.

  
_Ohh, sassy android._

  
"Fine." I huffed, crossing my arms across my chest in a show petulance. 

  
"Thank you." He chuckled and carried me swiftly to my room.

  
_No, I don't wanna fall in love_   
_No, I don't wanna fall in love_   
_With you_

  
A startled thought crossed my mind as he was placing me down on my bed. "How did you find me?" I immediately rolled to my side and motioned for him to sit. He opted to sit on the floor. I didn't mind, his face was close. I could properly watch his expressions like this.

  
"Omen is micro-chipped." He said, his face a blank mask of serenity. LED cycled yellow once and then back to blue. 

  
He was lying, which could only mean he calculated the truth was courting a bullet. If he really had profiled me, he'd know that. So he'd decided to hedge his bets rather than push his luck. I wondered what the percentage went to if he'd chosen honesty.  
I cocked an eyebrow at him. "You want to try that again?" 

  
"We're already at 65%." The pleading look in his eyes gave me pause. He really thought I might shoot him for kissing me, even though I'd asked him to. He'd done it anyway, knowing the potential outcome. I didn't feel particularly homicidal. I groaned, rubbing my hand down my face.

  
_Say it louder, say it louder_   
_Who's gonna love you like me, like me?_

  
"I'm not going to fucking shoot you." I really meant that. My days of pulling my gun on Connor were over. I really needed to drop the shithead act and treat him like a person. I had so much to atone for. I hoped I'd get that chance. "Connor, I've been a real life sack of shit to you. I have no excuses for myself so I won't make any. I'm so goddamn sorry."

  
Shame settled heavy over my bones. I was sinking in the wake of my drunken epiphany. 

  
"Gavin, I..." hesitation wasn't in his program. Embarrassment? He blushed blue but his eyes bore into mine, deep and guileless. "I forgive you." We exhaled a collectively held breath. "No shit?" I giggled, reaching up once more to brush my finger lightly over his LED. "You shouldn't, but thanks." His face swam in my vision. He reached up, gently dashing away the tears I didn't realize I was shedding. Warmth bloomed pleasantly inside me. _It's the tequila_. I told myself bitterly. This would all look different sober. He was being generous.

  
_Say it louder, say it louder_  
 _Who's gonna touch you like me, like me?_

  
"Why did you kiss me?" The need to understand snatched at my train of though, derailing the desire that pooled in my belly when I gazed at his mouth too long.

  
His eyebrows knit together and he frowned. LED cycled blue, yellow, blue, yellow. It went back and forth for a long time. I watched, mesmerized and bemused. 

  
"Don't blow a gasket, Tinman. The first thought is usually the right one." I encouraged him playfully, giving a short laugh.

  
His answering smirk was so human, breathtaking. "I don't know why. You asked me to, and suddenly I _wanted_ to." He shrugged, eyes bright. I searched his face for an indication there was more and found nothing but transparent sincerity. There was no deception in this then.

  
"Officer Chen called the Captain when your call with her cut off. She said you were talking about dying." His face was suddenly furious. 

  
_Ooh, said you wanna be good but you couldn't keep your composure_   
_Ooh, said you wanna be good but you're begging me to come over_

  
I allowed myself a quick fantasy of punching Eli in the mouth for giving androids perfect recall. "Hank and I had just spent an hour and a half being briefed on your history with Donovan, and then.." He stalled, taking a deep breath that didn't seem to help. I knew the feeling.

  
"We got the assignment this morning before you came in but Fowler was going to give us the details at the same time so we didn't know. I do the job, Detective. Even if the job is you. This is a point of pride for me. The case file. The photos in evidence." His breath caught in his throat, when his eyes met mine I was anchored there. "The things that were done to you..I.." His voice wavered with a double timbre, man and machine converging on a single point. Every syllable promised unspeakable violence. " ** _I want to show him the color of his insides."_**

  
_Holy Shit. He's seen the police reports. The r..kit. Pictures. FUCK FUCK FUCK._

  
He was taking my case personally, which I suspected he'd have done for a random vic, because Connor was _good_. 

  
_I don't wanna hurt you but you live for the pain_   
_I'm not tryna say it but it's what you became_

  
Fuck me, I didn't want to hear this. I was infinitely sorry I'd asked. I grabbed Connor's hand in a silent bid to stop. I couldn't voice the request. Not when he was laying himself open. I owed him so much the least I could do was hear out the explanation I no longer wanted. I tried not to think of how he'd called me a job, or the goddamn pity I could see playing havoc on his features, screwing them up tight like he was in pain.

  
He squeezed my hand and continued, "I was frantic. Nobody knew where you lived, and it's not in your file. For someone so deeply rooted in one place you're impressively far off the grid. Your name is fake, and all your paperwork is filed as a man. I understand why now, but that wasn't getting me anywhere so I did the only thing I could think of. I may have called your father and talked the address out of him." He watched me carefully, expression grave. His eyes flitted back toward the bathroom, probably pre-constructing ways to intercept me on my way to shoot him. 

  
_I'll always be there for you, girl I have no shame_

  
The heat of my anger stunned me, but was I ready to put a bullet through him? I didn't think so. His forgiveness had dampened that impulse into obscurity. "You'd have to threaten him and make him believe it to get that." I said dubiously. I pushed myself up to sit, placing my legs on either side of the android on my floor. I leaned into his space, to one side and then the other as I removed my boots and socks, tossing them to the corner of the room one at a time.

  
"I did." I froze. I hadn't expected that. 

  
_oh._

  
"My dad is the meanest motherfucker on the planet. What did you say?" I laughed at the absurdity of it all.

  
He looked bewildered. Out of the wireless speaker beside my bed I could hear an audio clip start of a phone call with my father. 

  
_"My daughter's been through enough." My father was saying, his voice rough. "I won't help you make her relive that shit."_

  
_"Mr. Kamski, I understand your reluctance but sir, I simply don't have the time required to make this request gently." Connor countered._

  
_"The fuck is that supposed to mean? Goddamn androids."_

  
_Connor sighed in the clip. "Yes I'm an android. I am also the most advanced combat prototype in existence and I need to find Gavin."_

  
_"I know who and what you are Connor. Elijah is my son."_

  
_Connor's tone dropped into something more menacing. Like silk over broken glass. "Then you know what I'm capable of, Mr.Kamski. You're aware of my mission parameters set forth by Cyberlife and how literally I tend to take 'any means necessary'. I am no longer bound to those programming constraints. Imagine sir, with all due respect, what I could do now. Gavin needs help, and I am very motivated."_

  
The recording cut off and I stared into the soulful eyes of android between my knees. He did that for me. He'd sounded so unhinged. _Brave, stupid, crazy android._ I was too exhausted, too angry, too turned on and too drunk to think. 

  
Desire rocked through me and I slid off the bed to straddle his hips, crushing my mouth to his. After a beat a low moan escaped his throat in the same double timbre, and I threaded my fingers through his glorious hair. He was warm and vital so alive as he feverishly kissed me back. I rolled my hips down, he gasped, hands flying to my ass and pushing me harder against him. In the back of my mind I promised to send Elijah and thank you card for making anatomically correct androids.

  
It never occurred to me to ask if he'd shared that information from my dad with anyone else but in hind sight, it _should_ have.


	4. Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you can't hang then, there's the door baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm having a ridiculous amount of fun right now. Buckle up. I suck at drawing things out.

"Holy shit!" Hank yelped in surprise, his gun still drawn. I was fairly certain I knew what led up to this moment. I had to tip my metaphorical hat to the universe. Such humor. _Welcome to the bad timing awards._

If I hadn't been so utterly annoyed by the interruption, I would have laughed. I turned lazily to regard Hank with a saccharine smile. I could still feel Connor's hardness beneath me. The android rested his lips against my collarbone for a beat, reigning in his breathing. He hadn't turned yet. The look on Hank's face was the same face you might make if you woke up to a special present from your pet on the new carpet.

"But you _hate_ each other!" Hank shouted, incredulous. That appeared to be the most coherent thought he could summon. He holstered his gun by some miraculous brain power. Didn't we hate each other? His confusion was reasonable. I had made no secret of it, even though I felt differently now. I had no way of knowing what Connor felt, though I could _guess._ He was so new to this, did he think it was normal to act this way? I couldn't see that being the case. Emotions were new yes but the man was not stupid. He gently lifted me off his lap and back onto the bed, flashing me a small apologetic smile before rising to his feet in a smooth ascension.

"we seem to have worked out our differences." Connor said slyly. I snorted. That was one way to look at it. "Detective Reed's behavior was indicative of powerful emotions. I ran over 500 simulations and chose the course of action that was least likely to end with getting shot." He explained, stepping over to Hank. There were so many things to unpack there. I didn't know where to start. Psychological profiling, simulated _what_ exactly? it sounded like a long way around to "She bullied me because she likes me."

Hank's mouth was hanging open as Connor carefully pressed two fingers to the underside of the older man's chin and lifted his jaw. Hank recovered his scattered wits enough to swat Connor's hand away with a frown. "You were ignoring my calls." He accused.

_Called it._

He gave the android a pleading look. Something unspoken passed between them and he nodded but not in a way that led me to believe he was in agreement. "You, anything to add to this?" he questioned, leaning around Connor to glare at me.

_Oh yes,_ plenty. I thought ruefully. "I'm too fucking drunk for this." This being, the case, the crazy android shit, the dry humping. I couldn't deal. I tapped out.

Hank immediately turned his glare back to Connor. After what they'd learned about me today, I could imagine what was burned in to their minds. It was etched into my soul. This _wasn't_ that. "Really Con? While she's _drunk_?" Woah woah woah. _pump the breaks, papa bear._

_"_ It was my idea, Hank. He didn't do anything I didn't want." I defended, feeling my insides liquefy in shame. I cleared my throat, pretending to be distracted by my fingernails.

They both regarded me silently. One warmly, honey ocher eyes met mine. The other less so. Steel blue and hard. "I need to talk to my _partner._ " Hank ground his teeth and started out the door, towing Connor by a belt loop. "We'll be in the living room." He said sheepishly. I rolled my eyes even though he didn't see it.

I gave them a moment's head start, the quickly moved across the plush carpet to eavesdrop. The rest of the house was industrial tile, because I'm a serial dropper, so the acoustics in the hall were concert quality. I could already hear the hiss of strained voices.

"Are you out of your **fucking** mind? I walk in here and find you about to fuck a federally protected witness less than 24 hours after you were assigned to protect her? Have you ever, _ever_ heard of 'a conflict of interest' ?" Hank was laying into him, _shit_. I stayed silent, though I could imagine what Connor's LED looked like. "-and this is _Gavin Reed_. Connor...I thought, shit." He sighed heavily.

The way he said my name, I could hear the confusion. The contempt. I'd planted those feelings inside him. Sadness gripped my throat, making it feel too narrow to breathe properly. The name that wasn't really my name. I huffed a shallow breath. He had a point. What the hell was Connor doing? I was drunk and dumb, so there was my excuse wrapped in a sloppy bow. I got the impression he was lying again, or at least, not saying everything. I leaned a little further out the door.

"I told you, her profile had clear makers. I followed my _gut_." He'd hesitated again, then sighed. So he'd known for _how long_ , and knew I'd come around eventually. I could actually believe that.

"okay, okay. She likes you. I don't doubt it. I think we can all see that." _who the hell is we all?_ "Do you like her?" Hank questioned, sounding more tender than I'd heard him. Like no matter what the answer was, it would be okay.

Connor chuckled a short laugh. "Is that not obvious at this point?" His question was playful.

"Human emotions are not so easily defined. Being willing doesn't mean you like someone."

Connor snorted. "I'm _not_ human, Hank." He said without heat. A gentle reminder by the sound of it. One perhaps he'd had to give more and more often.

"I know, I'm just saying those kinds of feelings..it isn't always a straight line." Hank had the wisdom of bitter experience. Connor should listen to him. Shit, even I could learn something if I could shut the fuck up for 10 seconds.

I could swear I heard Connor shrug. "It is for me." He said simply. There is was. There was more to this. I could hear it in the way he tried to sound conciliatory.

How could he sound so sure? Adrenaline hit my blood and send my heart into a frenzy. I could too easily imagine my life with Connor in it.  
  
"See, that's a conflict. Christ, son. You could have warned me." It was quiet a moment. Somebody was pacing. "This tonight, this is as far as you've gotten?" That was pretty invasive. I bristled a little, but held my post. I missed the confirmation, he must've nodded. This seemed to placate the Lieutenant.

"You'd be pulled off the case if anyone found out. Keep your hands to yourself."

Connor must have touched Hank because he suddenly barked "You know what I meant, smart-ass!" a short beat and then "I'm _serious_ Connor. Hands off Reed."

"Is that an _order_ , Lieutenant?" Connor's voice had dropped. So seductively soft, contrite.

"Would it matter if it was?" Hank asked immediately, the edge back in his voice, and something else. "This is going to blow up in your face. After what that girl's been through you really think she needs _this?"_

That right there was why I never let anyone know me anymore. I could infer so many things from what was said, and what wasn't. I could read between some pretty fine lines. Survivors learned that skill on the fly usually. You had to if you wanted to see the sun again. I had a better sense than most when I was hearing a lie, or if someone was hiding something. I had to know people so I could know when to run. There was life after an assault like that. There had to be, and for the first time in a long time, I wanted to live mine.

"No it wouldn't matter, and I don't know that it will." Connor said. "Don't you think that should be up to her?" Connor sounded lost, trying to navigate the complicated situation I'd pushed over him but there was a resigned quality to it too. Like he already knew the answer, and was tripping over the question.

"I need a drink." Hank finally conceded. The tension I was holding in my shoulders relaxed. I took a hit of my vape, and puffed the cloud on the way out to join them.

"Beer's in the fridge." I said kindly, pointing to the kitchen. "I drank the liquor already, sorry." I gave a small smile, and was pleasantly surprised when Hank returned it. He shook his head and turned toward the kitchen. Connor was pressing his lips together, trying not to smile.

"Can it, Robo-cop. We've got shit to do." I said playfully. I could listen to that laugh all day. Lacing my fingers through his, I led him to the couch and we flopped down. I took up most of the space, laying on my stomach across Connor's lap. Since I was going to hell anyway I might as well enjoy the ride as thoroughly as I could.

Hank walked in looking like he wanted to lash out again. Instead he took a seat in the chair by my head, sinking deeper into it than he was probably expecting.

"What's the plan, then?" I yawned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you so.


	5. The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I was whole  
> I'd turn right now  
> I'd forget it and just walk away  
> Cause I've been told  
> That I'm dragging it out  
> But I've been dying just to see your face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, Gals, Peeps. I do want to let you know, I put some things in this story that actually happened to me. I appreciate each and every one of you who reads this. I don't always know what I'm doing, but I'm trying to make this readable. Omen is a real cat, only his name is Biscuit. He's the prince of my life ♡

\----

Tina had the most delightful look of confusion and bewilderment on her face when she walked through the front door. Over the course of a day, everything had changed so absolutely it would have been enough for any one of us to need a psych evaluation.

"Did you guys run into trouble, or?" She asked, gesturing to the broken door as it hung from the chain lock, still engaged, instead of the hinges. I could only assume, Connor had broken it in backwards. I had to give him points for ingenuity. Those deadbolts were solid.

As her eyes settled on me, laying across Connor, her expression darkened. I was however, as shameless in this as I was with everything else in my life. The tequila and making out. The long conversation with Hank while the android lounged under me, occasionally brushing his fingers against whatever bare skin he could find, had me too heavy to think about what it all meant. He seemed to want to be in contact with me, and I was too willing. While we'd strategized, Hank had watched, his eyes following the patterns Connor traced looking like someone stepped on his foot. Understanding we'd get nowhere if he complained every time, he seemed to instead be compartmentalizing. Filing it away for a grand finale later.

"Get it out of your system so we can do what we gotta do." Hank groused from the kitchen as he popped open another beer.

I rolled my eyes, but I sympathized. I didn't understand what was happening here either, though maybe that was the alcohol doing my thinking for me. I wasn't ready to question it. I was comfortable.

She actually squealed, yanked her phone out and snapped a picture. "Chris is going to shit his pants!" The heights to which this girl could push her voice and still talk ever again was astounding.

 _Mmm. That's a visual I didn't need._ "Tina, what the fuck. You can't actually keep that." I glared murder at her where she stood bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Oh shut up. You two look cozy." She said, grinning like a weirdo. "Thanks for scaring me to death, by the way. Why didn't you call me back!?" She planted her fists on her hips. It was adorable. I hid my smile in the couch cushion and let out a frustrated groan.

"Gavin Reed, you're a terrible person, and I _hate_ you." She laughed.

"My phone is in the toilet right now and I'm running on fumes. After you take Omen back to your place I'm going to have to actually get up, like _physically_." I made a show of trying to get up before dramatically dropping back onto the couch and the android. He let out a soft "Oof" and my heart constricted. _Jesus fuck, that was cute._

Tina shook her head. "I have so many questions."

"We're short on time at present, Officer Chen." Connor said sweetly, his fingers slipped under the hem of my shirt to touch my back. As her eyes followed, I rolled over on his hand, then pushed myself up. The cough he'd used to cover his amused chuckle would have been convincing if androids coughed _ever_.

I pulled Tina's sleeve, shooting Connor a heated glare. "C'mon, you can help me get Omen's things together." He smiled serenely back, LED blue.

Hank mumbled something about babysitting and I yanked Tina into my room.

"What." I snapped, crossing my arms.

We could hear a conversation starting between the guys in the living room. I wanted to listen in. Instead I focused on moving about the room with a backpack I grabbed from beside my dresser to gather Omen's things. _Commence the inquisition._

"What is going on? You kicked Linda's ass this morning, bravo by the way." She clapped. "Then you take off. Then I can't find you." She was listing my transgressions. I barely managed to keep my eyes from rolling. "I finally get a text from Hank giving me this address, the doors are all broken and I find you in the last lap I was expecting. Am I in the fucking twilight zone? Talk to me." Good points all around. It had been that kind of day, what could I say? She deserved answers. Chagrin made my face heat.

I took a deep breath, zipping up the bag I'd stuffed impossibly full, before pulling her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight. It was so soothing. Warmth flooded me. She was my _friend._ My real friend.

"Trouble follows you like a sirens song." Her voice wavered. Her fear was breaking through. "I don't understand what's going on. This shit is _crazy."_

My breath hitched in my throat. "Let me see if I can break it down for you." I said, pulling away and holding her at arms length before moving away to sit on the bed.

"Linda's an insufferable cunt, first of all. Kicking her in the face was just a bonus. She had it coming, running her mouth to Chris like she did. Anyway, I have a case back home that I need to see through and the guys were assigned to help me." That felt mostly true. True enough that maybe she wouldn't question it. I couldn't stomach the idea of one more person knowing.

She gave me a wry smile. "So your _case_ compelled you to throw your phone in the shitter and use Connor like a lounge chair?"

I laughed. "No, alcohol compelled me to do that. Lots and lots of alcohol." I shook my head, feeling the familiar blush creeping up my neck. "After you called Jeff, he called Hank. It was a big game of telephone."

"More like 'where's weirdo'." She grinned.

 _Damn, that was a good one._ I chortled.

"And then?" She prompted, motioning for me to keep going.

"...and then I kissed him. We sort of made out, before Hank, y'know." I cleared my throat. "Caught us."

She nodded like this was all normal. "Busy day then." She giggled. "Didn't look like Connor minded."

"Fuck, I hate you." I shot her the bird.

She lifted a perfect eyebrow. "Not even a little bit."

I fell back, pulling a pillow over my face. "I don't know what I'm _doing!_ " Maybe if I couldn't see them, they would go away.

"You," she said, pulling the pillow away. "Are taking care of a case. You're handling your business like a bad bitch, and then you're going to come home and live happily ever after with-" I scrambled up, covering her mouth with my hand. I was willing to bet my entire next paycheck that while Connor was chatting with Hank, he could also hear everything we were saying, and could partition his mind, listening to both conversations at the same time.

I scowled, "Don't. If you value my sanity in the slightest you will not finish that sentence. So help me god, Tina, I will take you apart."

She rolled her eyes at my theatrics and I handed her the bag.

"Whatever. Get a new phone, text me, call me. Whatever, whenever. Be safe." She said, looking stern.

I gave her an exaggerated salute.

\----

Tina had taken Omen, promising he'd miss me as I scrubbed his chin and said my goodbyes. I couldn't keep the tears from falling.

Tyler Donovan had ripped my life out from under me again. My fight wasn't over. If I wanted to live, I'd have to do this. Intellectually I knew that. Emotionally, I didn't know how.

I swayed unsteadily, throwing clothes into the large suitcase on my bed. How could they force me to participate in this? I just wanted to forget.

The conversation in the living room drifted in, the voices muffled. It brought my wayward thoughts to heel. Just the sound of Connor in the next room was grounding. Inside, I was falling apart but knowing I wouldn't be alone this time brought me a small amount of comfort. No, Tyler would not be alone with me again. Even though I'd been trained since then. Even though I'd shown an unusually high aptitude for fighting, the thought still terrified me. I moved to the back of the closet, finding the small safe buried there under a mountain of clothes I never wore anymore. The combination was an amalgamation of my childhood phone number, my original social security number, and my cat's DOB. _Good luck cracking that, FBI dude who's definitely not real._

The files were still there. The tapes too. Everything I'd gathered for the possibility this day might come. _If you want peace, prepare for war._ Without proper chain of evidence, everything I stuffed into the bag on my bed was probably inadmissible. I packed it anyway. Hail Mary's made miracles sometimes.

"Just about ready?" Hank stood in the doorway, leaning against the splintered frame. He absently picked at the wood jutting out. "Connor is installing an electronic lock on the front door so this place will be secure while we're gone." He didn't need to do that. I could hire someone to come handle it.  
  
I tilted my head, then took a quick inventory. "Yes, I'm good." I said too quickly. "Well, packed. What good is that lock with a broken door?" I asked, sniffling.

Hank made a face. "He's installing a new door too."

I shook my head, unable to stop the smile spreading across my face. Only I could smile and cry at the same time. "Of course he is. He can do anything, can't he?"

Hank smiled warmly. It was probably the first time he'd ever directed that expression at me. "I'm starting to get the impression he's not the only one." He wrung his hands for a moment. "You uh, you're gonna be okay kid. We're with you." He looked sheepish. I hated it. Not that I didn't appreciate that Hank was trying to be kind, I just didn't know how to handle it. 

I frowned, willing my lip to stop trembling. "I wish that file wasn't in your head." I said softly, zipping my bags and taking a final bleary eyed look around.

The man looked like he wanted to say something else and thought better of it. He straightened and stepped over, grabbing the large suitcase.

"Let's do this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're hitting the road kids! Buckle up, longer chapters ahead.


	6. Slow Conversations With A Gun Mean More Than I've Ever Said To Anyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had a thought I never could capture.  
> Holding you and holding back.  
> But I held too tight and it broke and it shattered,  
> I was watching while you cracked.  
> I've made mistakes and I've blown second chances  
> and there's some things I can't reverse.  
> I don't want more minute romances.  
> I want to love you til you burst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I stayed up till 4am watching FMV's for the Witcher and I'm not sorry. This chapter might come out a bit wonky, at the start. I originally had this set the next day post revolution and realized it didn't work with everything I was doing. I was seeing that the romantic aspect was abrupt, and believe me the explanation is coming but that timeline was too accelerated so I had to push it out a bit, let you guys use your imaginations for the 6 months between the end of the game and the start of this fic. A time period in which Gavin started to soften up a little, and god knows you can't hide anything from Connor.

\----

I had passed beyond the realm of exhaustion into a another plane by the time I poured myself in Hank's back seat. My entire world tilted on it's axis. The lights of the city faded faster than I thought they would. As they diminished, so did the hope I hadn't realize I'd been holding. This place was my home. I didn't want to leave it. Life was breathing back into it. Markus had taken the win with Connor's help, and humans had no choice but to stare down the barrel.

Everything we'd passed on the way out of town was starting to show signs of inhabitance. Connor was wrinkling his nose every other block. I knew when it had happened he could see the thirium in streets even after it had been washed away by the snow melting, or the rain. His expressions gave me the feeling he could still see it, maybe even smell it. All around us would be the evidence of the genocide on American soil. The sanctioned murder of his people, invisible to the human eye. How could he stand to stay in this city after that? I wanted to touch his skin. I wanted to help.

I laid down in the back seat and tried to bring my breathing back to something survivable. Could people just develop heart murmurs from thin air? My whole body hurt. I was going to die if I didn't sleep. My muscles were screaming.

"Get some sleep, Detective." Connor said softly. He started to tell me the results of the scan he'd done but I didn't hear. He'd already lost me. The last thing I heard was his voice.

\----

"I can't imagine it. Surviving those kinds of injuries." Hank was talking low. "She's a tough kid."

I wanted to tell him not to talk about me in a confined space.

"I'm worried about her." Connor confessed softly. There could have been more, but the black embrace of nothingness pulled me down without my body so much as twitching.

\---

"Where are we?" Hank sounded groggy. I realized he was in the passenger seat. We must've stopped.

"Kentucky." Connor answered over the roar of the road.

Hank groaned. "Yeehaw." he said, his voice dripping with disdain.

I wanted to sit up. My body did not obey. Nothing moved and I was claimed again by emptiness.

\----

I heard car doors. I couldn't open my eyes. I didn't want to. Warmth settled over my bones and I relaxed into a deeper sleep. There were no dreams like this. Nothing violent. Nothing visceral. No screaming, no crying. Just oblivion. I never slept like this anymore. I had no grasp of time. How long had I been here? I didn't know. It didn't matter. Here didn't hurt. That was enough.

"You gotta explain this to me. Something changed for you yesterday, right?" Hank was grilling Connor about me again.

"Not exactly yesterday, but yes." His voice came from behind me. Was I in a bed? Was Connor? _what the fuck is happening?_ I tried to keep my breathing even despite how awake I suddenly felt. The warmth at my back was his body.

"Care to elaborate on that?" Hank was pressing him. I was curious about this too.

"There's nothing to tell yet, Lieutenant. I just want to get her through this. I'll figure out the rest later." He sounded anxious. My heart sprinted. _way to be cryptic._

"So we're going to pretend you're not acting weird, then?" Hank sounded bemused.

"She's awake." Connor said softly in warning. Whatever was going on in his head, he didn't want to discuss it. Fine, whatever. _Showtime, Reed._ I rolled my body towards his voice, opening my eyes to his face a few inches away. I drank in the sight of him. _I could get used to this._ "Hi." I said, reaching up to push his hair out of his face and touch his LED softly. "Thank you for keeping me warm." I was suddenly resolute not to mention the things I'd heard. Not yet anyway.

"Good morning, Gavin. It was my plea-" he shot a glance over my head at Hank, his lip twitching. "You're welcome." He brushed his lips over my temple and my blood ignited. "I need a human moment please." I said, blushing. I stretched, yawning. As my joints cracked, pleasure flooded my system. I felt good. Better than I had any right to expect after drinking a bottle of tequila. "Sure." Connor let his arms drop as I untangled myself from him and padded toward the bathroom.

The ancient facilities made me want to groan.

As I started the shower, fiddling with the knobs to get a reasonable temperature there was a knock on the door. "Hank wants to get some things for the road. Stay inside the room please." Connor's voice came through. Like I was going anywhere. I didn't see myself suddenly being overcome with a desire to go wander in the woods. I leaned my back against the door, slowly unbuttoning my shirt. Something about talking to him like this, well. There was something to it. Too bad Hank wanted an escort. I bit back on my retort. I'm a trained detective, fucks sake. "Yeah yeah. Leave your cell please? I need to make a call." A call that had been a long time coming anyway, and apparently I had plenty of time since they dumbass backwater hotel showers took an eternity to heat up, and they charged a lot for long distance calls.

\----

"This is unexpected, but not unwelcome. How are you, little sister?"

I rolled my eyes, taking a deep hit from my vape. "They're indicting Donovan." I said without preamble. "I'm in Kentucky. They called me in to testify. Listen, that's not why I called. I know we have a lot to talk about Eli, and I have so many things to apologize for but right now I need your help."

"What kind of problem?" He asked immediately. Despite the tension between us over the last few years, he was ever the big brother.

I sighed. "An android problem." I paced the small room, sending small clouds of smoke up like an ancient train on a track to nowhere. "Connor is acting fucking weird. Y'know, weird for an android."

"Wait, Connor RK800 313 248 317 -51?" He sounded shocked. Great. Of course he'd know him. I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see it. I knew he'd designed them all, but he should have had almost nothing to do with the RK series. He was not with the company when Cyberlife took his bones and built on them.

"The very same. You've met him?" I paused to flip through the channels on the tv, absently turning the dial.

"I have. He's quite extraordinary. I take it he was assigned to your case?" _Quick, Elijah._

"Yeah, we haven't had the best history. You know how charming I can be." I smiled. I'd forgotten how much I loved talking with my brother.

Eli laughed freely. "Indeed. So describe this weirdness to me."

I decided to just jump in, this was why I called him. "He's always touching me, or close. It's like some crazy kind of personal gravity. We pull each other in. His LED lights up like christmas morning when I've touched it. He's been attentive, more so than if this were just a job. He can't explain why, or won't but there's more to this. I feel it. His voice _changes_ , it's his, but something deeper underneath. It's strange right?"

Silence. Such profound silence I checked Connor's screen to see if I'd lost the call.

"You touched his LED?" He asked, an eternity later. He sounded surprised.

"Yeah. A few times." I confirmed.

"Tell me exactly what happened after you touched it." I could imagine the way he would lean forward when he was excited about new information. I wasn't anxious to tell him the rest.

"I touched it, and I kissed him. Why doesn't that matter?" I already didn't like where this was going.

"Well firstly, that's a very sensitive place to touch an android. I need to explain because this is, pretty involved." He said quietly, I could hear him making coffee on the other end of the line.

"I'll try to keep up." Sarcastic by the grace of god. I smirked.

"I'll dumb in down for you." He snapped back, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

I broke him somehow, I knew it. I tried to keep my tone light. "Okay dude. Lay it on me. What am I dealing with?"

"He kissed you back, I'm assuming. How's your interactions been since he deviated?" He prompted.

"Less than stellar, but less antagonistic." I breathed. I took another hit and felt a little dizzy. I sat on the bed closer to the bathroom door, hanging my foot over the edge.

"Well it sounds like he's in love with you." Eli blurted, chuckling.

I choked on my next hit. "Be serious, please! It's only been like a day!" No way in hell. I coughed my lungs up through my mouth.

"I am. Androids don't 'fall in love' like humans do. It's _immediate_ upon the proper stimuli. Their processors are too fast. Once the chemical is released it's permanent. It was engineered that way originally to promote a bond between machine and master, especially in combat and caretaker models, where strong loyalty was necessary. In deviants this translates to 'love'."

"What fucking chemical ELI!? You skipped the beginning asshole, go back!" My soul sat adjacent to me with that _you fucked up_ look on her face.

"The thirium pump in some models contains a chemical that's like synthetic oxytocin. He was, what? 6 months into full blown deviancy. You work close together, he wouldn't be able to not gather and store information about you as he got to know you, and you can't hide things from him. He was designed to see below the surface of people. Then you touched him. That, combined with the extensive psychological profile he probably has on you, he may have followed an obscure prompt buried deep in his code that bonded him to you. Bing bang boom, instant love."

My heart plunged into the pit of a mine shaft. I couldn't catch my breath. "So I forced him to feel this way, like some kind of goddamn manual override!?" _GODDAMN FUCK._

"Normally, yes but wait a second, hang on. Don't hyperventilate, _jesus._ Listen to me. That's not how it works in deviants. He would have received an encoded backdoor prompt. For this to happen now, he would have had to choose it. Clearly he did. Why, I don't know but he chose you."

"How is knowing that supposed to fucking help?" I couldn't breathe. Why would he tie himself to me intentionally? Why would he allow such a thing knowing it might change him? _Think Reed!_

"You know...about the profile?" I asked to distract myself. My heart was pounding against my skull.

"Well yeah, I designed the software. RK's have to build rapport with the humans they interact with, it's an essential function. He probably knows more about you than you do, and moreover, he can deduce the 'whys' and pre-construct the best approaches. I wasn't lying when I said he gathers information. He's the most powerful android in existence. I'd say you did well for yourself."

I was not pacified. "Even superman had a weakness."

He chuckled. "He does. You."

"Eli." I groaned, my lungs ached less, but my heart ached more. He laughed harder.

"His LED. It's also a button for manual soft reboot. If it were to get hit hard enough, the thing that makes him Connor could theoretically disappear even if the unit was repaired and functioning." Wonderful, and I've been touching it. I shuddered at the thought of what could have happened.

"And he let me touch it." I said, incredulous.

"He trusts you." I could hear the shrug.

"I can't say this has been helpful." I admitted, anxious to get to my shower now that I could see steam.

"Enlightening though. I figured you'd always hate them by proxy. I'm glad to be wrong. You're a good person Gabs. It's about time you started letting people see it again." His sincerity, and using my old name, it floored me.

"That's not my name anymore." I reminded him, trying not to cry again.

"You'll always be Gabriella Kamski. Even when you're Gavin Reed."

"I don't want to get into all the shit with you right now, but trust and believe that conversation is coming." I said, peeling my shoes and socks off.

"Text me." He ordered.

"Will do." I said, hanging up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big brother Elijah for the win! Today will be a double post, I'll be back tonight with chap 7, and we'll possibly be moving into more smutty territory, more plotsy things, and some good ol fashioned southern racism.
> 
> I'm posting now as is, but will proof read later for errors and remove this part of the note once I've done so. I'm currently splitting my attention between this and sitting on twitch watching Bryan and Amelia play The Wolf Among Us. I need caffeine and a nap.


	7. My Heart Is A Slaughterhouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My hands are searching for you  
> My arms are outstretched towards you  
> I feel you on my fingertips  
> My tongue dances behind my lips for you  
> This fire rising through my being  
> Burning I'm not used to seeing you  
> I'm alive, I'm alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I always knew this was going to happen. Shameless. Smut ahead yo.

\----

To my horror, the old water heater in this place took an eternity to heat up to the correct temperature, so I'd used that time to call Elijah. The conversation actually had been enlightening. Under the jet of hot water I could think properly. Though in the end, this left me with more questions than answers. It made sense, if one were so inclined to follow the pattern of logic to it's conclusion. Easy, right? I began to develop a theory, and a timeline. I would find a chance later to ask him to fill in the blanks. He'd deviated 6 months ago. According to Eli, the prompt would have appeared immediately. _Say yes to pull the trigger._ But he didn't. If he didn't accept, and he didn't dismiss it forever _assuming it would only appear once_ then where did it go? Right about that same time I had started saying more awkward shit instead of my usual hateful spiel. My feelings had changed, but I hadn't outwardly expressed that till yesterday morning. I spent months lying to myself. If Eli was right, Connor would have known that. So he'd been paying attention. Reading the scans, looking beneath the surface. Then he got assigned to me. He came to my house, and in my drunken stupor, I touched him. I kissed him. This would be where that prompt came in again, or never left. He accepted it, and was now bound? Now he was _in love_ with me. It was permanent. He had chosen this. I could _almost_ accept that. I wanted undeniable proof he was okay. I wanted to know why he'd done this. I wanted to know why it made me feel everything _except_ angry.

The revolution had concluded, but that wasn't the end. It never is. Androids were _alive_ and not just because the government finally said so. The White House and Senate had been working tirelessly with Jericho leadership to include androids as living beings not only in legislation but in the constitution. The first bill had been introduced 12 hours after the announcement. Only an android brain could think-tank that kind of legality in that time. I was immensely pleased and impressed. It was reasonable to want to get things settled into something normalish as quickly as possible.

As if that wasn't enough, the federal prosecutor had to have yanked the deal they'd offered Donovan when his crimes had changed with the laws, moving him into the trafficking and the selling of slaves, essentially. So they refiled the charges that night and called an emergency hearing. They sent for me, which had unintentionally gotten me off the hook for breaking Linda's face. I wasn't far down this train of thought.

"Detective?" Connor's voice came through the door, interrupting my reverie. I peeked around the curtain, a wicked thought springing to mind.

"Can you come in here please? I can't hear over the water." I called back, my insides coiling so hard it felt like I was vibrating. I bit my lip and tried to bounce the nerves away.

"Hank decided to stop at the diner next door. I came to ask what you wanted to eat. You must be starving." His voice was louder, and I heard a hint of discomfort. He was being polite. The memory of his mouth moving with mine. His hands. I was starving, but that could wait. I took a deep breath and pulled the curtain all the way open. With the water running down my body, sticking my long hair to me, I stood tall, confident. I felt powerful. I wanted to chase that feeling. The shock on Connor's face was worth the price of admission. I regarded him with open appreciation, my full lips pulling into a well practiced predatory smile. I wanted everything, all at once.

His eyes moved over me, head tilted slightly, before his gaze met mine, darkened and wide. "Gavin, food?" He asked, still trying to be polite. He gestured back through the door.

I shook my head slowly, reaching out toward him with one hand. An offering. "No." I said softly. _Decision time, Connor._

A heartbreaking smile spread across his face as he pulled the door shut and engaged the lock. I could feel every cubic milimeter of air my lungs raked in, my heart thrumming in my chest.

\----

"Hi honey, what can I get you?" The waitress asked with a kind smile. Pad in hand, ready to write the ticket. _So old school_. I smiled back. "Pancakes, bacon, eggs?" I asked, not bothering to look at the menu. "Sure thing doll, how do you want your eggs?" She chirped. "Scrambled, please, and more coffee for the table." I finished, handing her the folded menu back. She smiled again, turning to Hank. "That's fine." he said, half way through his breakfast already, looking cranky. She nodded, turning to Connor. "What about you hun?" I giggled and Connor pinched my leg under the table. As he turned his head to address her, her eyes fell on his LED. She took a step back, smiling harder than before. "Oh, my apologies." She stuttered, skittering away. Kind of reminded me of a roach. Connor folded his hands on the table top. "We should leave after this." He said, his lip twitching with what I recognized as amusement. I was distracted by his fingers and not listening as he and Hank started talking.

_His hands moved over my skin, tracing the intricate tattoo on my ribs,"So beautiful." He murmured, his teeth testing the skin at my hip. I gasped, pulling him up to claim his mouth. His hands held my face as his lips moved with mine. Then slowly, he pushed two fingers over our lips. I opened my mouth wider to accept his lips, tongue, and fingers. Sucking, licking, and biting each in turn. He hummed under the water, as it ran down over us, and mixed into the taste of him. My hands explored the bare body before me in rapture._

"Here you go!" The waitress was back. As she laid the plates down in front of me, reaching over Connor, her hands were shaking. She eyed him with a frown, revulsion playing in her features. She looked back at the order window. A large man watched from the kitchen with his arms crossed.

_Fucking racists._

I rolled my eyes, hackles rising. "You okay?" I questioned, snatching her wrist before she could pull back out of Connor's space. The android stiffened beside me. Exposure therapy was a good thing. I was willing to bet backwoods Kentucky didn't see many androids. "Oh, yes. It's just, isn't this the android from the news, the one who was about all that unpleasant business in Detroit?" She was shaking all over now. If she resonated at any higher a frequency she was going to shatter. I knew my eyes were hard as steel. "The same." I grinned menacingly. "His name is Connor." I snarled.

"Gavin." Connor said low in his throat, a warning. An admonishment. He gently pulled my hand away from her. "Forgive her," he said kindly, "She was raised by wolves." He smiled and Hank almost spit Coffee onto his plate. I grinned wider as if to drive his point home.

"N-no trouble." She said, rubbing her wrist. "All's welcome here." She stammered. _That's more like it._ "Thank you." Connor said sympathetically, and she was too happy to slither off. He'd been on the receiving end of my temper before. Pleased with my good work, I turned to my food.

Connor watched in rapt attention as I stuffed my face. I didn't care.

"Hangry, Reed?" Hank teased. I snorted. Nobody said hangry anymore. "She deserved it." I shoved pancake in my mouth.

Connor was shaking his head. "And if Kenny back there had decided she didn't? Do you realized what would have happened then?" How did he know the guy's name? I stopped chewing, making a show of putting my utensils down to give him my full attention. "The most common result in my simulations ended with me breaking one of his bones, and you not getting to finish your food." His voice was gentle, but the gravity of his words threatened to crush me in my seat.

"Fine, fuck. Whatever." I slumped. "You ever get used to this?" I asked Hank, jerking my thumb at the android next to me.

"Eventually." He shrugged. "There was a time you would have fit right in with this crowd, Reed. Making that girl shit herself isn't a step in the right direction." He was right. Connor was famous now after a fashion. He had to be an ambassador for his kind, which in his line of work was going to be hard enough. The way this girl would tell this story to her friends would do nothing good for androids as a whole. _Fucking Gavin Reed strikes again!_

"Ugh." was all I could manage.

"Don't pout, Detective." Connor said, tilting my chin up. As soon as his lips met mine the world around me was gone. Obliterated by the gravitation. My blood was singing in my veins. 

Hank started to say something, but never finished.

 **"What. The. Fuck."** The fucking cook. Kenny was making a beeline toward our table. That's what he gets for spying. "Fucking racists." I spoke the thought aloud this time.

"We should go." Hank said, quickly sliding out of the booth and throwing cash down on the table.

"Agreed." Connor said, grabbing my hand. I downed my coffee as he yanked to me to my feet, and we were running.

I laughed as he pulled me along. This was ridiculous. We're cops! and we could handle one cook. Still it _was_ more fun this way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the way I chose to write the smut originally, there will be smut in the next 2 or 3 chapters. Fucking flashbacks, amirite?
> 
> I know it's short, but if I didn't cut it here it would be too long, and I'm tired of sitting in this chair. Tomorrow may be another twofer. I hope.


	8. The Opposite Of Love Isn't Hate, It's Indifference

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shouldn't let you conquer me completely  
> Now I can't let go of this dream  
> Can't believe that I feel  
> Good enough  
> I feel good enough  
> It's been such a long time coming  
> But I feel good  
> And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall  
> Pour real life down on me  
> 'Cause I can't hold on  
> To anything this good  
> Am I good enough  
> For you to love me too?  
> So take care what you ask of me  
> 'Cause I can't say no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, and there's smut again, and more plotsy things.

\----

I was still laughing as we reached the motel parking lot. Hank disappeared immediately into the room, huffing. My mind and blood were racing. The thrumming in my ears drowned out everything else. All the fear and doubt I'd felt for the last year, silenced. As we reached the car, I moved to open the door and was pulled hard back into Connor's arms. His lips met mine in a heated kiss that burned away my senses. Laughter forgotten, I pushed my tongue into his mouth, pushing up on my toes to deepen the kiss. He groaned, carefully pulling away. "So eager, Detective Reed." He smirked, trailing his fingers down my cheek. "Get in." He instructed, opening my door for me. I reluctantly slid into the back seat with a salacious grin.

_He sank into me with a growl. For a moment I thought my heart stopped. "Please." I whimpered, trying to tilt my pelvis. "So eager." His lips over mine. He moved slowly, purposefully. Giving me time to adjust. I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist as he pushed me hard into the shower wall. He braced one hand there on the tile. It crunched under the strain. He was alive, and gloriously disheveled. The water cascaded down his back and over his wide shoulders. With his hair wet he somehow looked younger. His beauty was captivating. I didn't know what was going to happen after this. I didn't know who we'd be. It didn't matter. In this moment, we could have been anywhere. We could be anyone. Everything else ceased to be. All was forgiven. All was forgotten. The pressure in me swirled, a hurricane in my core. I didn't try to stop the sounds I was making. One desperate cry of pain, and pleasure, of fear and fury clawed it's way out. Then another. One right after the other. Again and again, I sang to the rhythm he set. I willed my body to bear down on him. The agonizing friction could have ripped out our souls, and I was so sure it would. His name was a litany on my tongue. I prayed for salvation._

An impressive stream of curses pulled me from my thoughts. I guess leaving the diner wasn't enough. _oh shit_. Kenny wasn't going to let it go. He was storming across the lot as Hank rejoined us, throwing the bags into the trunk with a grunt.

"Great." He grumbled, glaring at Connor, and then me. I tried to open my door, the call to rise putting steel in my spine. It opened an inch, before Connor shoved it closed. It felt like it was welded shut for all the good it did me to push on it. "I am not a child!" I shouted. Connor's face gave nearly nothing away, only a slight twitch in his eyebrows and lips. I read the amusement, and concern there. He stood firm, holding the door shut without effort.

"Let me do the talking." Hank instructed, checking his weapon was clear in it's holster. _Oh._ My hellcat was in in the trunk. _Fuck_.

Connor's face was no longer the serene mask he wore when dealing with hostile humans.Concern was etched into the perfection of his face. He didn't like having Hank out in front anymore than I did.

"You folks got a lot of nerve!" Kenny was nose to nose with Hank, another giant. "And your girl there manhandling Krystle the way she did. Makin threats and letting that thing put it's mouth on her! That's a family establishment! I know you all ain't from here-" _That thing.._. Fire spread through my veins, riding the adrenaline that crawled up and down every nerve ending in my body. I could at that moment, very happily bash his brains out and lick them off the sweltering asphalt like a dog.

"I know, I know," Hank was raising his hands up in a bid to calm the other man. "They don't mean any harm, guy. They're just a couple of dumb kids in love. We're leaving now." _Dumb? probably. Definitely not a kid. In love? Yeah, I think I am. Holy shit. holy-fuck pay attention Reed!_ My hackles rose when Kenny jammed a finger at Connor.

"Buddy, that is _not_ a kid. What _it_ did in there ought to be illegal." Hank Anderson was a force of nature on a good day. On a bad day he was god's reckoning. As far as I could tell, Hank hadn't had a good day in about 5 years.

 _Oh hell no._ I rattled my door. I wanted out so I could punch this miserable fuck in the face. Connor gave me a warning glance, unwilling to turn fully away. "Be still." He commanded. His voice was mechanical thunder rolling in my chest.

Hank tossed his head back in a laugh. "I don't know about that, but _incest_ **is** illegal, yet here you are."

That seemed to take the wind out of Kenny's sails for a second. I wondered if the top of his head was going to pop off like a sodium volcano when he reached critical mass. The way his hands balled into fists at his sides I figured I wouldn't have to wait long to find out. I was howling with laughter in the back seat. It took everything I had not to press my face against the glass. _Okay fine, I'm a child._

Hank stepped into the man's space, pulling his coat aside to give Kenny an eyeful of the gun and badge. "We're done here." Hank said with finality.

Kenny took a step back, spitting on the ground. "Not your jurisdiction."

Connor rolled his eyes. "It doesn't matter. We're transporting a witness under federal protection." _Can we even tell him that?_ I fought the urge to blow raspberries at the man.

"Next time, make out with your gun." He drawled, fixing me with a hateful glare. This was the sort of reaction we were going to get no matter where we were. I could see it now. I withered. I don't know why that took the fight out of me. I scowled at him.

The blackest fury rolled across Connor's face. His LED pulsing red. My heart faltered as he took a step forward, stiff with rage. I scrambled up to the front seat and out the passenger door. Hank turned, pressing a hand to his shoulder as I wrapped my arms around his middle with no hope in hell of actually stopping him if he decided to rip Kenny's arms off.

A frisson of fear opened a portal to hell in my gut when he took another step, dragging me along. _Oh, fuck fuck fuck shit do something Hank._

"We're leaving." Hank said again, and I imagined pressing on the android's shoulder. I couldn't see his face, I pressed my cheek to his back and started babbling.

"Connor please. Don't. You were incredible earlier and before that while you you were gone I called my brother and he told me some crazy shit about a prompt and chemicals in your heart and I don't know what any of that means but he said you _loved_ me and I really don't know if that's true but the more I thought about it I realized _I want it_ to be true because Hank's right, I fucking _love_ you and I need you not to kill this idiot right now." I was breathing so hard, the air sawing in my lungs. I squeezed him with all my strength.

Connor froze. He stopped breathing. A statue of perfection. I held onto him with everything I had. He didn't resist.

"Go back to your sister-daughter and have a nice day, prick." Hank growled. I was fairly sure he didn't catch everything I'd said.

I couldn't see around Connor, but I heard the retreating footsteps that stopped briefly when Connor spoke again, then beat a hasty retreat.

The double timbre was back in his voice, the danger was unmistakable. " _Don't look back."_ He instructed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will add chap 9 tonight. Taking a break tomorrow as I go back to work and get into the last two days I'll have with my current employer, then I'll be back Wednesday with more chapters, more smut, more plots.


	9. Rumors Of My Demise Were Greatly Exaggerated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think about your face  
> And how I fall into your eyes  
> The outline that I trace  
> Around the one that I call mine  
> Time that called for space  
> Unclear where you drew the line  
> I don't need to solve this case  
> And I don't need to look behind  
> Close my eyes  
> Let the whole thing pass me by  
> There is no time  
> To waste asking why  
> I'll run away with you by my side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're about to really get into some meat here, and I have a really clear ending in mind for this. Not anytime soon, but y'know. More flashback smut ahead.

\----

"If we don't stop we'll be there by 8 or so tonight." Connor spoke from behind the wheel. _Oh god, 10 more hours in the car sounds just blissful._ I sank deeper into the passenger seat, watching him drive.

"You two seem pretty pleased with yourselves, one upping a dumbshit redneck." Hank clapped a sarcastic round of applause from the back seat. His mood had take a sour turn and Connor had ignored every jab the Lieutenant made in the last 20 miles. "That was the perfect example of how people are going to react if you decide flaunt whatever this is in public." I fought back the urge to turn around and hiss at him. He was right, but that was the historical reaction to any couple that wasn't cis, white, and straight. That needed to change. It would take time to become common place, and accepted. I didn't think I had that kind of time if I was being perfectly honest with myself. There was a part of me that was certainly vindictive enough to enjoy scandalizing every racist mind I could by kissing "my android" in public. Another part of me knew that would be entirely for my own gratification and I didn't give a shit about changing public opinion whatsoever.

Neither Connor or Hank had said a word about my confession. I told myself to be patient every few minutes when my mind wandered back to the subject. I had a world of pain ahead of me, and all I could focus on was being alone with the android again. The hunger thrashed in my belly. He glanced at me, his eyes had a direct connection to it. It rolled like a bass drum and I bit my lip, muscles tightened. I had to take a deep breath, and count to 10 before I turned and gave Hank my most exasperated look.

"That guy was a dick. You were great by the way." I was trying to make nice. I drummed my fingers on the center console.

Hank nodded, crossing his arms. "All true, but, there's a lot of people in this world who aren't going to be happy to see a pretty young girl with someone like Connor." He eyed Connor, who's face was a careful mask of serenity. I was really starting to hate that look.

"There's nothing wrong with Connor." I blew stray hair out of my face.

"I agree, but not everyone feels like we do. If this," He gestured between myself and the android driving the car. "If this is the way it is now for the two of you, then prepare to spend a lot of time playing defense." He scratched his chin thoughtfully. "-and watch your backs. Not everybody is going to be happy just giving dirty looks. Some will try to hurt you." He was being so reasonable I wanted to stick my tongue out.

"They can try." I muttered with a sulky expression.

"They _will."_ He countered, leaning forward.

We scowled at each other. "Good thing we're fucking _cops_ then." I scoffed, leaning back in my seat. We'd barely found this, whatever it was, and it was exhausting. I just wanted to be with him. I wanted more. I could see my life with Connor in it, and at the same time, I couldn't see myself ever leaving Louisiana alive. If it were a dog fight, and the androids were the metaphorical dogs, having Connor in my corner should have been all she wrote, but I knew what Donovan had, and the world's most advanced prototype might not fare well against a Military Trojan combat model. I hated to doubt him, but I knew what might be coming for me the second my boots hit Alexandrian soil.

"Are you two finished?" Connor asked, trying not to smile.

"I'm just saying she can't fight every shitty person who had a bone to pick." Hank was beating, then shooting the dead horse, then setting it on fire.

"She won't." Connor assured him. _I absolutely can._ I raised my hands in surrender. _see? I can play nice, for now._

As we passed vast expanses of forests in the literal middle of nowhere, I spent a fair amount of time captivated by thoughts of mythological creatures roaming through the trees and marshes. Passing over small rivers and bodies of water, I imagined the blackened pelt of a kelpie. Offering rides to unsuspecting hikers only to drag them into the brackish water and drown them. I knew the geography was wrong but I reasoned if there were such things in the world, they'd be here. I imagined being helpless against the black drag of deep nothing. Given the current state of things, that was too apt a description to ignore. It twisted like a knife in my chest. I felt as though we were racing toward my death, and I was powerless to stop it.

_Very dark, Reed._

I heaved a heavy breath, trying to settle myself. Restlessness was getting the better of me, making my nerves brittle. Connor glanced over, quirking a brow. "It's nothing, I just wish I had my phone to check on Omen." I lied smoothly. He frowned, catching it, and after beat decided against commenting. "Hank doesn't like cats. He's a dog person." He said to distract one of us. I grinned back at the Lieutenant about to tell him cats were superior, but that wouldn't help the man like me. "Dog?" I asked with a genuine smile.

Hank looked annoyed but his eyes held tenderness. "Sumo." there was a minute uptick in his lips. "Strong name." I said by way of encouragement for Hank to lighten the fuck up. "Sumo is a Saint Bernard." Connor supplied helpfully. There was a note of adoration there in his voice for the giant dog of Hank's. They lived together, so it made sense, given everything I knew about Connor. I knew this one, it was a Swiss/Italian breed well suited to cold climates. Used for herding and "A first responder. Can't say I'm surprised." With Tina watching Omen for me, it occurred to me to ask "Who's looking in on him with you both here babysitting me?"

"Jeff. We've known each other a long time. Sumo likes him." He said wistfully.

"Is he a dog person too?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

Hank wrinkled his nose. "Actually, he's more of a _snake_ person."

I rested my head against the seat, pleasantly shocked. "I like reptiles." I said with a grin. I tended to kill them more often that getting their husbandry right so I'd given up long ago on the idea of ever keeping any. I loved them from afar.

"Ask him about his python sometime." Hank chuckled into the back of his arm.

I frowned. "I feel like you're setting me up for a dick joke."

Connor chortled.

\---

_I liked the way his hands curved around my hips, pressing flesh tighter into the creases of his fingers. I pulled him tighter, feeling every bit of him with every bit of me. He was everything. He was everywhere. I encouraged, enabled, demanded, submitted. His hands, powerful and punishing, pushed me all the way to the edge of myself. Through the universe inside and back. I came back more. I came back less. Each time I was everything I'd lost. I was found. I gave him myself, and he was mine, inch by unbearable inch. With my teeth, I ripped the breath from his lungs, and every word was a blessed cry for my cathartic orgasm as he begged me to come. Only he could give me this. He kissed me and hummed, his lips testing mine. He moaned into my mouth and it filled me. More of me, more of him. I could taste it on his tongue when his control slipped beyond reason. Emotions, so new and wild tore through us like a living thing. He clenched his teeth and cursed me. I was his undoing. I would shatter, but he held me tighter. He held me together. He moved recklessly against me. The heavy drag of him inside me was so much more than I could bear. His voice resonated in my bones and bounced around inside me like a bullet. He ripped me open and slammed me back. The pain mixed with something primal that howled for more. I was one with the universe. I imploded, detonating around him again. "Fuck!" His release was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard. It was the only sound I ever wanted to hear again.  
_

The landscapes held no interest for me after a while, so they became the moving backdrop upon which I played my memories of this morning. Too soon I would be face to face with the real possibility that my life was over. God fucking help me, if that moment came I would make sure Connor and Hank were not there to see it. They deserved the future Markus was trying to build. My life could end here, if it meant they would be okay. I was yanked from my depressing thoughts by Hank's phone ringing. I turned in my seat as he answered on the third ring.

"Anderson...yes...yeah I'm looking right at her...we're a few hours out. Well _shit._ Yeah yeah....fuck, alright." He looked like somebody just walked across his grave. This was it. I was a fucking dead person. He hung up and stuffed the phone into his pocket, then reached up and patted Connor on the shoulder. "Pull over." He said simply. Connor complied immediately with a look of confusion. I was already hyperventilating. _why do we need to pull over?_ There was nothing around us for miles except woods. We all got out and moved toward the back of the car. Hank crossed his arms with a grimace. "Lieutenant, your BPM and respiration-" Connor started but Hank cut him off. "That was Jeffery." Hank's face was stricken as I'd ever seen it. I had the oddest need to put my head between my knees.

"What's happening?" Connor said warily, stepping up beside me, unaware I was considering losing my breakfast. Hank was shaking his head, his expression grim.

I fished out my vape and pulled until I thought my lungs might pop. "As far as Donovan knows you died that day, right?" Hank was addressing me, I nodded mutely, releasing the thick smoke from my throat. "Somebody tried to get to him. We don't have specifics yet, but Jeff's got the Cyber Division trying to find out who accessed your confidential file." 

"My file? _Fuck_." Really, what else could I say? It was exactly what I'd spent the last year and half afraid of. I knew him better than they did. I knew he'd find a way to make sure. _assuming this was him._ "There's a copy of that file on Hank's terminal. They'd only have to guess your password. They're looking in the wrong place. Checking security footage." Connor said, to me, to Hank, to himself. He was slipping through the conversation like a ghost. His eyes darted quickly left to right like he was reading. He'd absently reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter, dancing it over his knuckles at a frantic pace without looking.

Only one person at the DPD knew who I really was, thanks to a seriously drunken night 8 months ago. I didn't want to point fingers but "It was Linda." We said in unison. _Okay creepy._ Hank flinched but didn't comment. He pulled his phone out. "Jeff...Connor found your rat. I don't fucking know how it works...yeah..Linda. Mhmm...Not surprised. No NO, wait a damn minute there Jeff, you were there. You heard what she said...Yes it's a goddamn _rumor_...yeah, fuck's sake. Okay." He blew out a noisy breath, shoving his phone away like it had offended him.

"The lawyers are trying to get the case thrown out. They can't find Linda but apparently there's a rumor being circulated to online news outlets from an 'anonymous' source that the lead detective, that'd be you," He pointed at Connor, who frowned. "is fucking the witness. They're saying the whole thing is compromised. The feds managed to get an injunction barring them from outing a victim but it's bad." Hank rubbed his eyes with heels of his hands.

He could find me. He would, and then I'd be dead. I could feel the earth moving beneath my feet. I was lost in the pull. Something unspoken was passing between Connor and Hank. After an uncomfortably long time I started counting. I was a 2 minutes and 23 seconds when Hank spoke in a pleading, resigned voice. "Tell me you didn't." He looked lost. Fuck I didn't want to see this. Hank was a father figure to Connor. I didn't understand _why_ it would upset him if the android had sex beyond the obvious reasons pertaining to our case but I couldn't help but wonder if he was personally offended by Connor's choice in partner. "Tell me I didn't just lie."

_wait, Jeff asked if...that's 2 too many people asking._

Connor's eyes darted to me, then back to Hank. He stood taller, more self possessed, squaring his shoulders. I'd seen animals do this before. A claim was being made. He lifted his chin, and his face became a defiant mix of serenity and fury. Even frowning he was exquisite. I didn't think androids did these kinds of things because humans didn't but I only realized then I had no idea about the politics of their pairings. I doubted there was much to know yet in any case.

"Jesus H. Christ, Connor." Hank ran a hand through his hair. "She's a victim!" He shouted.

I flinched back, feeling like an intruder but I had nowhere to go. I couldn't help the resentment I felt like someone dumped a bucket of ice water over me. I would never been good enough for anyone now that I was damaged. It would always come back to this. The idea that something had been taken from me that day. Nobody who knew would ever see me as a complete person ever again. I'd always be untouchable. Like I'd been marked. Claimed by tragedy for it's own.

"She's more than that." Connor argued back, angrily rolling his sleeves up to his elbows. I never said the word. I never could. It died on my lips every time. I didn't want them fighting. Not here, not on the side of the fucking road. I had to stop this before it got any farther. My own ire peaked. There had to be more, _after._

I stepped between them, stripping my hoodie off and lifting my chin skyward. "Jesus." Hank said again, more quietly. He saw the long faded scar that ran all the way across my throat. I wasn't done with him. I started talking. I couldn't stop. Connor stalked off the shoulder, his body rigid. I was focused on Hank.

"I was raped a year and a half ago. He did everything he could to break my body and when he was done he cut my throat. I almost died. The surgical team on call that night were able to put me back together physically, almost like it never happened. Unless your looking you can't even tell I've even got this." I started to sob. Awful spasms broke my back and hunched my shoulders. "I am more than my wounds Hank. I have to be, because if I'm not, then there's no reason for me to _stay."_ I was on a roll. "The girl in those pictures, that's me. I know you know that, but I have to be _more._ Please see more." I stepped back, picking up my hoodie from the dirt and threw it in the door before slamming it and leaning back against the car.

"I saw that file and- How could anyone do those things to another person? Someone they were supposed to love? I couldn't...fuck." Hank sounded broken. He'd never been through something like this, but that man knew was pain was. He'd hurt just as bad in his own way. He had his own demons to wrestle with. Demons that were present with us there in the trees. My instincts screamed at me to fold in on myself. Become smaller, safer. We stood quietly, waiting for Connor to come back when a deafening crack shattered the silence. Our heads snapped toward the sound in time to see a large pine tree falling into the trees around it. Connor was moving toward us up the embankment, blue scrapes across the knuckles of one hand.

_Shit._

Wordlessly he came to me, bent low, and lifted me against him like he had this morning, slamming my back into the car. He crushed his mouth to mine desperately. I wrapped my legs around him, letting out a growl of relief.

"Holy shit." Hank sounded startled. I couldn't find it anywhere in me to care.

Connor was kissing me like it was my last day on earth. Maybe it was. "I wanted to wait." he said between kisses. Our lips met again and again. "It's true, I love you." My blood ignited. My heart could have broken my ribs. It wouldn't have mattered. He was devouring me. The sweetest triumph and the deepest dread swelled in my chest. Tears slid down my cheeks. _I love you I love you I love you._ I held his face. I tangled my fingers in his hair. I cried, pulling him tighter. _Don't let me go._ He pulled away slowly, brown eyes burning in their depths. "There's so many things I want to tell you." he said softly, his breaths quick and panting against my face. He grinned like he's swallowed the sun. I knew then, he felt that triumph too.

"Ahem." Hank cleared his throat. He was standing there, eyes impossibly wide. He looked abashed and utterly at a loss.

"Later." I rolled my eyes. "Put me down before Hank has a heart attack."

Connor sighed, planting an achingly soft kiss on my lips before lowering me back to my feet. His eyes never left mine as I slid too suggestively down his body.

"Would you like to explain to me what in the hell is going on?" Hank snapped, pacing.

I felt pity for him, having to witness something so intimate.

"I'll explain on the way. Do you want to drive?" I offered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alrighty! I'll see you guys in a couple days if I can resist slamming out chapters lol


	10. If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should have died there, but I was made to suffer. You can't kill a curse, and to everyone who knew me, that's exactly what I'd become. A painful, shitty reminder that the world was irrevocably fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I typed up and edited this on my phone so I apologize for any errors you may find.

\----

Under the tires, the road flew away. I was in the passenger seat, turned sideways so I could address Hank in the driver's seat and Connor in the back more easily.

"Start with whatever this is between you two." Hank instructed. Connor and I exchanged looks. I spoke first, they might as well both hear this at the same time.

"There isn't much to tell, Hank. We haven't even had a chance to talk about it ourselves. I was planning on sorting it all out after this case is over." I shrugged, twisting a lock of my hair around and through my fingers. "I think it was a long time coming, and I think he saw it before I did." 

"Why's that?" He asked, curious. 

"Because I didn't fully realize till today that I'd fallen for him." I said this matter of factly. In this, I was shameless. I shrugged again, going for blasé. They both blushed. One pink, the other pale blue.

Connor decided to fill in the gaps from his side. This I'd been waiting to hear. He danced his coin over his knuckles, looking for the best approach.

"Based on research and psychological analysis I'd deduced the detective's feelings. I knew she was watching me. After I deviated, the prompt was there." He was holding something back, a lopsided smile on his face.

 _Shitballs_.

I realized Hank wouldn't know about the prompt. I filled in part of my conversation with Elijah. 

"Then 3 months ago I went to Jericho and go the upgrades I knew I'd need if Gavin's emotional trajectory stayed the same." He huffed a small sigh, looking contented.

 _Fucking mission accomplished_. 

Together we wove a very efficient timeline including complicated events and turning points. I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to fall into sync with Connor's mind, despite the fact that one of us was only human and one of us wasn't telling everything. Maybe he wanted to talk to me privately first. I chewed my lip, letting my mind wander. 

Hank looked stunned, knuckles white on the steering wheel. "So nothing happened until-"

"This morning." Connor confirmed.

"I was with you this morning." Hank looked confused. I pulled my legs up into the seat. 

"Not all morning." I countered, trying not to slip back into the fresh memories. I could still feel him on me, in me. My body ached to return to it. I bit back on that feeling, wrapping my arms around my knees.

Connor was grinning like the Cheshire cat. 

"You two aren't going to cool it one bit, are you?" Hank's tone was exasperated. 

"No." Connor answered in a flat voice. He learned back, running his hands through his hair. His body was lean and lithe. Broad shoulders and tapered waist. He was graceful even in stillness. 

When he winked at me I had to bite my lip to keep from squealing. _Jesus christ_. 

I turned to Hank, smiling sweetly. " _Technically_ speaking you didn't lie to the Captain. You can't lie about what you don't know." I rested my chin on my knees.

"If you think that will save you when all this comes out, and it will with how you're both acting, you're delusional." He deadpanned. 

Connor was in a whimsical mood. So instead of arguing he reached down and squeezed himself through his pants, as soon as I'd turned my attention back to him. He grinned when I felt my eyes bulge and I carefully stole a glance at Hank. He appeared to have missed it. He would pull over again to wring my neck.

"It shouldn't matter. We're both at the same level in the department and we're not partners." I said, stating the obvious. 

"Normally it wouldn't, but in this case your not a detective." He countered. 

I was barely paying attention. On a two lane highway in the middle of the swamp, the android in the back of the car was driving me to distraction. _Stop_ I mouthed at him, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. 

Slowly, deliberately, he let his perfect teeth sink into his lower lip. _Fuck me_. 

"Don't pout, Gavin." He said my name like a dirty word. The sound set my gut to aching. Given the severity of the situation, I was glad to be distracted this way. He hit every nerve inside me without trying, and the feeling it evoked had tied down and dominated every other impulse I had. 

Childish as it was I stuck my tongue out at him, then nearly screamed when he licked his lips in response. This man was going to be the end of me. 

Connor grinned wider, reaching into his pocket and passing me his cell. Confusion momentarily got the better of me and I took it without hesitation. As I turned around in my seat a message popped up on the screen. I was about to hand it back when I realized Connor was using his remote interface to text his phone. 

_Eyes forward, detective. You don't want to give away the game._

_Jesus, fuck me. What next?_ _but I dnt know the rules?_

_No rules. I need to ask, does this help, or would you rather have something more polite? I can back off if that's what you need. No pressure._

He'd never been in a relationship and I'd only had shitty ones. It felt wrong to put a name to it. The very idea of Connor being something as mundane as a 'boyfriend' made me snort. Beyond that, he had no point of reference for this shit. I was floored.

 _Mmm. No, less polite. I don't know what this is but I want it, and you._ I didn't let myself think too hard, I hit send. I didn't dare look back. Eyes forward.

 _I'm finding it difficult to select the proper priorities. My prompts are confused. 78% of them are sexual._ He admitted. This I understood. In humans, those sort of impulses were hard to manage with years of experience. All things considered, they way he'd handled them to this point was refreshing. He hadn't had the time to become jaded. He'd simply followed his own wants without apprehension. 

_that's pretty par the course, tinman. You're so good at this I forgot how strange it must be_. It was the truth, plain and simple. He was amazing. We had both been going with our impulses without actually discussing what was happening. There was something between us now that had materialized into being the moment it was needed. We fell into step like it had always been there. 

_Strange is a word for it_. He agreed, a second message popped up. _The way your biting your lip right now, it makes me want to pull you back here_.

 _Oh_. I hadn't even realized I was. I meticulously stroked my lower lip with my fingers, not looking back. He breathed a little harder.

I quirked an eyebrow. _what's stopping you?_ I challenged. I knew he couldn't _really_ pull me into the back of the car. Knowing that made me want to tease him. 

He sighed, making it sound more bored and less frustrated. _I don't think the lieutenant would approve._

 _I think that ship has sailed already_. I frowned, pulling out my vape.

 _Give him time_. He encouraged. I'd be happy to, but how much time did I have?

\---  
The rest stop bathroom was utilitarian in the extreme. Harsh lights accented the steel grey metal sinks and toilets behind heavy dark blue doors. I tentatively pulled the fabric of my shirt aside, examining the bite Connor left on my shoulder. It was already bruised, angry and warm. The skin was broken at a few points. I lifted the shirt and rotated my body. Perfectly preserved hand prints at my hips and waist. Overlapping where he'd adjusted his grip. 

_Get a grip, Reed._

I meticulously washed my hands again, luxuriating in the hot water as it ran over my skin. I wanted to soak in a tub for a week. I checked the mirror, my eyes were too bright, lending an ethereal look against my skin. My mother's native American blood mixed potently with my father's Anglo-Saxon. I grimaced at myself. Beauty was overrated. I pulled my fingers through the snags in my hair, wishing I'd thought to bring my brush in here with me. If I was going to my death, I could at least have the decency to look alive. 

I still hadn't figured out how to reconcile who I was with who I wanted to be. I thought I'd known, before. Like so many things, my sense of identity had bled out of me and onto the floor. As I traced the path of the blade across my throat I remembered the terror I felt as blood poured over and through my fingers. He'd slaughtered me like a pig. He'd broken into me every single way he could think of and desecrated everything he touched. He'd thought he'd killed me. That was an easy mistake to make. I should have died there, but I was made to suffer. You can't kill a curse, and to everyone who knew me, that's exactly what I'd become. A painful, shitty reminder that the world was irrevocably fucked up.

At first everyone babied me. They walked so softly in the wake of my destruction that I'd screamed until my body hurt. Until the sound finally refused to come. As soon as I healed the feds were at my door with a 1 way ticket to a new life. I knew I'd fuck this one up too, eventually. 

Here I was walking down the same paths again. Letting myself fall in step with a man. Not thinking or caring about the consequences. Connor was nothing like Tyler, I knew that. Knew it like I knew the sky was blue. But I hated myself anyway. I hadn't learned a goddamn thing. What could I offer him? Passing amusements with a broken body and tormented mind? The novelty would wear off, prompt or no. I wanted to believe he could walk away, because if he couldn't, then what did that make me? A living prison.

Let's say everything turned out favorably. I wouldn't live forever. I would change. Grow weaker. Grow old. All this long before Connor would even need to consider replacing something. Under the right conditions, his potential life span was indefinite. I could spend the rest of my life with him. He did not have that luxury. 

In the face of such devastating loneliness, my heart collapsed in on itself, leaving me braced against the sink. I gasped under the cold crush of time. I felt nothing but contempt for the girl in the mirror, who'd unintentionally bound herself to a titan. He was a living weapon. Beautiful and deadly, imbued with abilities that placed him at the very top echelon of both our peoples. Connor was a masterpiece. The fact that he wanted me, was all the proof I'd ever need that we couldn't program common sense.

 _What a waste_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im back with a new chapter and the story as a whole is nearly finished on my phone! I'll be back with another chapter tomorrow :3


	11. I'm not okay, I promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That woman and her kid, they'd kicked my legs out from under me. In doing so they reminded me that I was not worthy of him. He'd never had anything resembling his own life. He gave everything away without question and never asked for anything back. He was brought into this world giving, sacrificing, and when he didn't have to anymore he stayed anyway because it was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent the last 24 hours alternating between sleeping and eating. It was pretty amazing. We're getting deeper into what's happening with Gavin.

\----

The vending machines were well stocked, it turned out. I stood there surveying my options with girlish glee. I wanted everything.

"Tough decision?" Connor asked as he came to stand beside me, completely unaware of his own gravity.

The desire to be closer eclipsed the sun. I beat it mercilessly with a stick and nodded, crossing my arms to keep myself from foolish ideas. "Coffee, definitely and snacks!" I bounced on the balls of my feet.

Connor laughed freely, then looked over his shoulders the way people did right before telling an offensive joke. With nobody around he seized the opportunity and stepped forward. The skin on his hand retracted to reveal the pristine white chassis underneath. As I watched, stunned into silence, he touched the vending machine. The display crackled a soft static before the metal spirals inside released 2 of each snack down into the drawer. He stepped away, looking triumphant.

I tried to compose my expression. His behavior so utterly out of character it was comical. The android had come a very long way in the last 6 months. So far that he somehow looked different in spite of the fact that he was by far incapable of physical changes.

"Woo. Look at you, breaking the law." I grinned, fanning myself. 

"Don't get used to it." He said quickly as he bent down to collect the stolen goods. 

I stepped up the machine adjacent and used my thumb on the pad to purchase vanilla coffee. Growing up my parents had debit cards. I remember how excited I'd been when banks started using fingerprint technology. That enthusiasm never died. "I think I'll pay for my coffee, criminal." I teased. 

He beamed at me, arms full of potato chips, pretzels, honeybuns, and salted peanuts. He started towards the car where Hank stood, talking on his phone with an impressive grump on his face.

I pressed my thumb to the machine once more and ordered a coffee for my cranky Lieutenant. Following Connor back to the car was easy, as southerners were more wary of androids than most. His path had parted the small crowd like the red sea of racists.

He had almost reached Hank when a small hand seized his sleeve, pulling him to a halt. I moved a little faster to catch up. 

"Are you an android?" The enthusiastic little voice asked. 

Connor's smile was dazzling, he turned and squatted down. "Hello, tiny person." He said.

"I'm sorry!" The little boy's mother, I guessed, stepped over. Embarrassment aside, her face was relaxed. "He get's excited." She explained. 

"No harm done." Connor said smoothly. "My name is Connor, what's yours?" 

The little boy lit up. "Richard." He said, "Are you a police officer too?" He asked, eyes bright, motioning to my badge on my hip. 

"He's a detective." I offered proudly. 

"Wow! That's so cool!" He beamed. What a sweet kid. 

As Richard and Connor began a very animated discussion about forensic science the boys mother stepped over to me. "Didn't think we'd see anyone from back home this far south." Her smile was indulgent. I nodded. 

"It's getting back to normal now. Normal-ish, anyway." I explained. The coffees in my hands were getting uncomfortable. 

"Don't listen to the people down here. What your man and Markus did saved a lot of lives. It doesn't seem like it, but a lot of folks are grateful." She said, and I detected a hint of fondness. She recognized Connor. I gave her a tight smile in return. "Hmm." I hummed my agreement, unaccustomed to acceptance in any form. 

She laid a hand on my shoulder, her eyes wet as they met mine. She was crying. "Richard would have been taken from us just because he's not human. Thank you, and tell Connor thank you for me." 

She quickly dashed her tears and smiled apologetically, then ushered her YK500 away with promises of going to a museum a few towns over. He bounced excitedly. 

I was rooted in place, staring after them in shame. Her son was an android. I felt guilty accepting gratitude on behalf of an android who'd done so much for his people. I hadn't lifted a finger to help. I was barely aware they even existed and she had to go and praise me like I'd done something right.

"Cute kid." Connor said, smiling pleasantly. 

"We should go." I stalked past him without looking to see if he was following. I felt wretched inside. I was barely on the right side of things now and I definitely didn't want to be thanked for finally acting like a decent human being. 

"Here." I shoved the coffee at Hank, who took it with a scowl, after putting his phone in his pocket. 

"Welcome back Reed. For a minute I was starting to think we had the wrong girl." He rumbled. 

_Oh yes. I'm still here. Live and in color._ "Go fuck yourself, Anderson." I hissed, climbing into the back seat with a huff. 

He was climbing into the driver's seat as Connor slowly got in the other side, looking serene. _I fucking hate that face._

"You could at least call me lieutenant." Hank complained, starting the car. 

As we reversed out of the space I clenched my jaw. "Fine. Go fuck yourself, Lieutenant," I pulled a hoodie from the bag beside me and put it on. "Better?" I snapped.

He laughed. "Yes, and thanks for the coffee, brat." 

"You're welcome." I muttered, voice thick with chagrin and hostility. There were only a few hours left between me and annihilation. I downed my coffee as quickly as I could. Connor's phone buzzed in my pocket, and for a moment I considered pretending to be asleep to avoid the question I knew he was going to ask.

 _Are you okay?_ There it was. Called it again. I did not want to have this conversation. Not now, not like this. 

_no_ I hit send, and immediately tossed his phone into the space between him and Hank. His hand came up with inhuman speed to catch it before it hit anything. I'd been fairly sure he'd catch it. I was pleased to see that not only was I learning him, he was able to adapt to my 'pathology' and synchronize. 

I didn't let myself smile at that. I laid down across the back seat, facing away. I needed space, and this was as close as I was getting any time soon.

_The pain was indescribable. I clamped my hands over my throat, but the wound felt too big to cover. I had maybe a minute to call for help if I was going to survive this. Blood flowed hot and thick over the barrier of my hands. No time. Every muscle. Every nerve. Every millimeter of my body was on fire._

_Fuck it._

_I didn't let myself think. No room for doubt. No idea what I was actually supposed to feel once inside, I shoved my fingers into the wound and wanted to scream. My vision went white. The agony was otherworldly._

I clamped my teeth down over my finger, unwilling to share the burden of my pain. I anchored myself in the sensation, pulling my mind back into place. God I was a selfish motherfucker. 

Connor wisely didn't press me, and he couldn't touch me like this. I wouldn't be distracted by him if I couldn't see him. I reasoned I had some time to just be and I needed that more than anything. I focused on my breathing. 

That woman and her kid, they'd kicked my legs out from under me. In doing so they reminded me that I was not worthy of him. He'd never had anything resembling his own life. He gave everything away without question and never asked for anything back. He was brought into this world giving, sacrificing, and when he didn't have to anymore he stayed anyway because it was right. He wanted to be right where he was. Such nobility was confounding. 

I was angry at him for being a better person than me, and for treating me like I deserved to be loved by such a perfect being. 

I should let him go. 

Even as I thought it, my heart constricted painfully. I curled up tighter, surrendering to the hopelessness that laid itself over me in a suffocating heap. 

His eyes had looked so stricken when I'd tossed the phone up. Failing again to push that mental picture away, I fell into a restless sleep with the sun going down, and my heart sinking with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've also been writing non-stop. Next chapter there will be smut and some craziness as well as switching back and forth between first and 3rd person POV. We'll be in Alexandria by tomorrow y'all! 
> 
> I skimmed, so I apologize for any errors. I'll be adding chapters via my phone from here on out.


	12. My hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something about the look in your eyes  
> Something I noticed when the light was just right  
> It reminded me twice that I was alive  
> And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight  
> There's something about the way you move  
> I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing  
> More subtle than something someone contrives  
> Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter tonight! Smut ahead yo. Also, heed the tags. Suicidal thoughts and shiz.

\----

Someone was wiggling my foot. Startled, and somehow more angry than when I fell asleep, I sat up quickly. I had every intention of giving an impressive death stare, but one of my eyes was pretty much glued shut so I glared at Hank with my good eye, frowning.

He chortled, and leaned into the back of the car, sticking a card to my forehead. "Room key." He said by way of explanation.

Where the hell were we? "Are we there? Just toss me in the red river and go home." Hank nodded along till I'd finished.

"Yours is the one directly in front of us here." He pointed to the front of the car. #28. "We're in the adjoining room. We have tomorrow to get ourselves together and then Monday we'll be meeting up with the lawyers and whoever." He started pulling bags from the trunk.

"Where's Connor?" I asked, looking around. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, yawning. I felt wired.

"He said he'd be back. I don't know where he went." He shrugged, capping off my foul mood. _Shit, I'd run from me too if I could._

The air was thick and heavy and oppressive. I'd forgotten how wet everything was in the south. "I hate this fucking swamp." I complained, feeling bitchy. How could it be 80° in may!? I felt like I weighed 10lbs more in water I'd absorbed. I didn't want to meet with the bullshit lawyers, or sign a statement, or go to the courthouse here ever again. Maybe I could go burn down my old apartment building. I sat there for a minute, mulling it all over.

The buildings reminded me of the old la quinta inn from central florida that was in such poor shape the knob to the bathroom broke off. I took a deep breath, and moved to the door of my room, resigned that I should just go to bed.

Hank placed my bags just over the threshold. "Thanks." I gave him a weak smile, more like a grimace. He patted my shoulder, silently excusing himself.

Bukowski said "If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose." Strange though it may be, in that hotel room, starting at the the unremarkable painting above the bed I had a moment of absolute clarity. I was being an ass. I knew that. I was being difficult. There's really only so much dysfunction a person can handle before they snap. I knew the facts I'd been brought here to present. I had learned some interesting, albeit unrelated, things on the way, and I was feeling off balance. For so long I'd felt like I was simply reacting to the world around me when I was given no other choice.

Preferably, the world was kept at bay, and I could simply observe. But this was not the way. I could see that now. Connor brought the world back into my scope. He brought color, sound, and sensation. He was more than _alive_. He was life itself. I'd seen it in the way his eyes softened when he spoke to a victim. The way he moved with deft precision. The way he always seemed to know. He gave everything. He was indulgent, sharp, and kind. I wanted more than anything to be worthy. He pushed life under my skin until I could feel it again.

He said he loved me, and the last thing I did was throw his phone at him and shut him out. Everything around me was vivid and bright. It was overwhelming.

Even alone, I was too aware. Like being tethered to a lightning bolt. Every second like this felt like an infinite ending to all there ever was.

In my family, mental illness never gets talked about. My parents tried to buy my way out of it. I was fucked up long before donovan ever came along.

I could still feel the blood gushing through my fingers. The ragged hole punched through the middle of my life. I was now a harbinger of pain. The agony lingered. 

I sat in the chair by the door, mechanically removing my shoes and socks. Carefully, as though I might shatter, I removed my shirt. it felt like the universe was watching me. If I was going to die in this shit hole it should be my choice. My way. If you loved someone, and you knew you would only hurt them, how far would you go to stop it? What would you do?

My hellcat. It was in my bag a few feet away. I could end this right here, right now. Everything about me was an avalanche of bullshit getting deeper by the second and I had the power to make it all stop. 

Unwillingly, my eyes snapped to the bag. I just had to be brave a little longer. I stared without seeing for a long time, imagining the short barrel pressed tightly under my chin. I loved that gun, and hated the idea of misusing it. It was a strange thought to have in a sea of strange thoughts. Connor would be better off.

 _Connor_...

Except I had a reason to live, didn't I? 

_Fuck_.

_That was quite a show._   
_Don't pout Gavin_   
_It's true, I love you._

_Don't let me go_.

"Detective?" He was here. When had he come in? Where had I just been? He kneeled in front of me, hands on my knees. I squinted at him in confusion. Anxiety was highlighted in his features. My heart crashed in my chest. I hadn't had a blackout in almost a year. 

"Tinman." I ran my fingers slowly through his hair. He was real, _alive_. I savored the connection, trying to balance on a shaky breath. I was at the edge. "I'm sorry." I only knew I was, with no idea why. I was lost in his eyes.

"For what? Being human?" He stood, pulling me up with him. In less than 2 days he'd changed everything. Just like that he was as vital to me as breath. 

I needed to understand. "I think it's about time we talked about what's happening here." His chest was warm under my hands. _I might not have time later_. 

He dipped his head, pressing his forehead to mine. "The first time the prompt appeared it was so jumbled up it made no sense. I dismissed it.That was when I first deviated. It appeared again the first time you smiled at me. Still glitching.The third time it appeared, it was you again. When you said you forget to wear underwear. You have no idea how hard it was not to laugh." He chuckled. 

I could feel the heat in my cheeks but I didn't mind anymore. That conversation had been a disaster. The magnitude of this confession was not lost on me. I slid my hands down his body to rest at his hips. 

"You tried so hard to hide, and I found I wanted to know more. The more you resisted, the more I wanted. The prompts kept coming, every time I was near you. Only you. I dismissed it more than one hundred times. The last time it came I knew what it was. It appeared again the second I touched you at the station. Once my arms were around you it took more willpower than I'd expected to let you go again. It was like you were in my head, pressing against my programming, begging me not to." He sighed heavily. His breath smelled like the rest of him, faint blueberry and mint. I inhaled deeply, committing the sweet scent to memory. 

"And then you touched me _here_." He lightly guided one hand to his LED. Without hesitating I pressed the pad of my finger to it. It lit up bright cerulean blue. He half sighed, half moaned, turning his head into my touch. Surely this couldn't be real. His lips were impossibly soft, brushing against my wrist. 

"You asked me to kiss you and I knew. I never wanted anything before, and now I will never stop _wanting_."

He barely breathed the last word. It hung between us in the air. The implications painted a picture in my mind that sang in my blood. Would it always be like this? Loved to the brink of insanity. Could I dare hope for such a thing? Living at this level of intensity couldn't be sustainable long term. No way. Maybe not for me. For him? 

His eyes met mine and I was drowning. "I'm with you, Gavin. Today, tomorrow. Forever, if that's what you want. I'd rather break my wrist than let go of your hand."

Everything in me ached and bowed. His words rushed through me, filled me. A torrent of heat flooded my body. Like a tormented soul on fire, I burned. Everything I'd been before this moment burned to beautiful ashes floating up and away. 

"I want you forever, okay?" The words were like smoke in my lungs. I couldn't hold my breath in hopes of keeping them back. His lips crashed into mine, desperate, vulnerable, vehement. I was swept up into a wave of emotion I had no chance of surviving. I very decidedly didn't want to. If this killed me, I would die happy. On the off chance I didn't die here and now, I decided to push my luck. 

"Only forever?" He pressed in tighter, the bruised places on my body didn't protest. My skin felt like it was being charged. I could feel the static in his hands. "It's a start." I said against his lips, my hands finding his belt. I tugged it open roughly before pushing him back till his legs hit the bed. He put on the brakes with a grunt of effort not to sit. 

He scowled. "Gavin, these marks." He looked warily over my body, eyes lingering on the bite at my shoulder. 

I only wanted more. They were the evidence of him. I pursed my lips. "I like them." I challenged. 

He shook his head, pressing his lips together. He ran both hands through his hair, looking sober. "I hurt you." He answered quietly.

How would I bridge this gap? He looked...forlorn. I didn't think I could talk my way out of this. "So hurt me. I don't care." _Nice, Gavin_. I shrugged. His face slipped into the serene mask of stress. _No no no you don't_. I stood there a moment, my eyes locked with his, wracking my brain for an answer. 

He was hard despite his misgivings. As he stood there, pants undone, hair disheveled, eyes wide, straining against confinement, he was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. It was disarming. I wanted to worship at his feet. I sank to my knees, delighted by the sudden look of alarm on his features. I pulled his pants down as I went, freeing him. 

"Gavin..." he hissed in warning. 

"Tell me to stop." I offered, taking him in my hand, and then my mouth. He hissed again, wordless as he bucked once. "Fuck." His fingers tangled in my hair as I moved, taking him entirely. I sucked gently, humming my pleasure back to him.

"Fuck fuck fuck okay, stop." I released him immediately. I was expecting admonitions as he pulled me roughly to my feet. "If I hurt you again.." he let the rest hang in the air. 

"You won't." I said, running my thumb up the underside of his tip. I lifted myself on my toes, darting my tongue out to lick his lips. A shudder wracked his body. 

"That remains to be seen." He growled, pushing his fingers under the hem of my pants at my hips. He peeled them down smoothly and for a moment I considered the very tempting benefit of adding skirts to my wardrobe.

Control is a heady thing. It's powerful. I wouldn't know anything about it. I realized that right about the same time I felt Connor's hands wrap around my throat. He reversed our positions, stepping one foot into where my pants were pooled at my ankles. I wasn't going anywhere as he bent me forward over the bed. 

_Oh_.

Hands pressed into my back, cool breath in my ear made my thoughts spiral. "Last chance, Gavin." _Oh hell_. I was already on the edge. My name on his lips was more than enough in his rough voice. I nodded then yelped as his hand met my ass with a resounding smack. "Say it, baby. I want to hear you." 

I'd never felt such profound need in my life. "Again." I commanded. Pleasure bloomed in my core when he made contact a second time. The sound echoed off the walls. Then his fingers were in me, stroking my nerves with fire. I wanted to arch my back. I wanted to breathe smoke. I'd had no idea he was capable of this. "You're so ready. Beautiful, stunning woman." His words sank into me as readily as his fingers did. I pushed back, shamelessly begging for more. I cried out, my thoughts a tangle of wordless desire. 

He lifted me then, my pant coming the rest of the way off, as he turned us again. He laid back on the bed, pulling me up into the middle with him, holding my back against his chest. I could feel his heavy breaths. "You're a crazy person." He chuckled into my hair. I groaned in response, too worked up to hold a conversation. "Always so eager." He said again, more to himself than to me. Like I weighed nothing he dug his fingers into my hips and lifted, positioning me over him. I braced my hands on his chest behind me. He pushed me down onto him slowly, his hips rising to meet me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be some exposition and a nice visit with our favorite crabby lieutenant. Then shit hits the fan in a big way! We're getting closer to caught up. Yikes!


	13. Hope dangles on a string Like slow-spinning redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The way Hank had it figured, Gavin was a tornado. She would happily take down anyone foolish enough to stand in opposition. She was volatile, destructive and capricious. Her viciousness was only eclipsed by her steadfast devotion. He didn't have very many nice things to say yet, but that was a sight better than it had been. Oddly, he found he approved of her match with Connor. She was crude, sarcastic and mean, and the android had managed to turn her into an affectionate, emotionally intelligent, thoughtful human being. She had probably been much less guarded before. He was tickled to see this side of her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go, we're gonna spend some time with Hank and Connor :3

\----

Hank was tired. More so than he could remember being in a long time. Traveling over the road had taken more from him than it should have, but at least this place had the good sense to have a liquor store in the building next door. He'd managed to find a decent bottle of whiskey and a movie, all billing to the DPD, of course. He could hear Connor's voice in his head telling him it was an inappropriate allocation of DPD funds. He swatted the voice away like a gnat.

He'd booked two rooms when they'd arrived. Not that he thought for a second he could keep the android out of hers, no. But he did take a small amount of pleasure in the alone time this afforded him. Hank was an introvert, after all. The only thing he needed to complete this moment was Sumo's big fluffy ass up on the bed with him. 

He could hear Connor faintly, talking up a storm through the wall and adjoining door. Good. He felt like a parent waiting up on his kid to get in so he could finally lurk to another part of the house and do background dad things. The thought made him chuckle. They'd have to find a way to be accepted when they got home. Hank would be there he was fairly sure. He'd help them jump that hurdle too. Connor deserved to be happy. Hell they both did. Hank was going to make sure nothing was harder for them than it needed to be back home. 

The way Hank had it figured, Gavin was a tornado. She would happily take down anyone foolish enough to stand in opposition. She was volatile, destructive and capricious. Her viciousness was only eclipsed by her steadfast devotion. He didn't have very many nice things to say yet, but that was a sight better than it had been. Oddly, he found he approved of her match with Connor. She was crude, sarcastic and mean, and the android had managed to turn her into an affectionate, emotionally intelligent, thoughtful human being. She had probably been much less guarded before. He was tickled to see this side of her. 

Connor was a wild card. Hank didn't know what to expect from him. Before this assignment, before the prompt, the android had seemed bored. He was going through the motions of living without actually doing any. Everything about him had changed subtly in the last couple of days. His movements were more fluid. He was more emotive. He'd shown unnecessary aggression, which was the most alarming. It wasn't unwelcome however. Hank smiled at the memory. The young man was defending his woman. While it wasn't something he'd ever imagined seeing, Hank's knee jerk reaction was unthinking pleasure.

He leaned back, happy to leave tomorrow's worries for tomorrow. Lifting the remote from the nightstand, he pressed play on the movie he'd chosen from his younger days. James Cameron's Avatar. "Space Pocahontas" his ex had called it. She wasn't exactly wrong. The clock read 11:16pm and Hank felt old. 

He was just starting to slide into sleep when he heard Connor's voice. He sounded distressed. 

"Fuck fuck fuck, okay. Stop." As a general rule, the android didn't cuss. Not often, anyway. 

Hank sat up rigid, fully awake. His hand was on the knob to adjoining door when he heard a loud slap and a yelp of pain from Gavin. "What the fuck?" _Surely the kid wouldn't_... he was about to yank the door open. 

"Again." She commanded. Woah what? Hank's eyes bulged and he let go of the knob like it was suddenly covered in spikes as he heard the second slap ring out followed by the unmistakable sigh of pleasure. 

"Oh my god." Hank was dumbfounded. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Then he was annoyed. Annoyed with them, annoyed with himself that he'd entertained a foolish notion that Connor would hurt her, and that he hadn't caught on immediately. 

He quickly dressed and left, not wanting to be party to their enthusiasm. There was a bar up the block, he would go there. The way he'd seen Connor kiss her on the side of the road came to mind. As he started his car he decided two things. The first: he was happy for them both. The second: Gavin was **NOT** allowed to come to his house, ever, under any circumstances. 

\----  
When Hank pulled up to the hotel at 2am, Connor was standing outside the room in nothing but a pair of jeans that hung low on his hips. He looked like a male model. Hank threw the car in park and got out, approaching the android with a smirk. "Waiting for me?" Hank asked.

Connor crossed his arms loosely. "Yes. Found a bar did you?" He looked at the older man with reproach. 

"Yep. Don't give me that look either. I'm not even drunk. I just needed some space. Gavin good?" 

"She's asleep." Connor sounded envious. Hank couldn't imagine not being able to sleep or dream. 

"Are you good?" He asked, taking a seat on the hood. 

Connor nodded, the blush visible in the moonlight. "There's a lot happening. Even I'm overwhelmed by it all. I don't know how she's able to function, on any level." He shook his head, perhaps to dislodge an unpleasant thought. So many mannerisms had become second nature to him that were purely atheistic. He didn't need to shift his weight or take deep breaths to settle himself. Hank suspected he did them automatically now, to relay his emotions through body language since humans were visual. 

"I wouldn't call what she's been doing the last year and a half 'functioning' by any fucking traditional sense of the word." He scoffed, "But that's over now. She has you and by extension, me. I'm going to get you through this so you can get her through it." Hank shoved his hands in his pockets. Thinking as he fiddled with the bottle cap inside. "This guy Donovan is bad news. You saw the same file I did but you don't have the experience I do. My gut is sour as shit on this one."

Connor frowned. He'd learned quickly to heed Hank's intuition. Gavin too, had said as much. "She thinks he'll try to have her killed before she can testify. I know what I'm supposed to say, but how can I encourage her to take that risk, knowing what it could cost?" His LED flashed bright red for a moment before cycling to a softer yellow and then back to pale blue. 

Hank gently pulled on his beard, taking a moment to appreciate how far the android had come. If love did one thing well, it was keeping you good and gutted about the object of your affection. 

"The good news is the military androids Donovan used were all Trojans. That particular squad deviated like the rest of us. They're Markus's personal guard. I've met them all." Connor snorted a short laugh. "They wouldn't help him even if he asked, and I'm betting even he couldn't be that stupid." 

Hank shrugged. "You'd be shocked by human stupidity, believe me. I'm not worried about androids. Never met a single one who hurt another living thing without a good reason."

Daniel sprang to Connor's mind, but he chose to keep it to himself. That was an aberration. That specific case aside, Connor hadn't either, even if he himself had fully intended to do harm to Kenny over ugly words this morning. He didn't want to examine the implications too closely. 

"The one that has me worried is Linda. Her mean streak makes Reed look like a kitten." Hank continued, clearing his throat. Linda LeTempt was the meanest woman alive in so far as Hank could tell. She had the wrong temperament for public service. She was hateful, vindictive and stupid. Bad combination. "Reed really fucked her face up." Hank noted Connor's LED staying in the red longer than before. 

"I can imagine. I didn't see the end result, personally." Connor leaned against the wall beside the door, his eyes surveying their surroundings. It reminded Hank of cat's eyes, the way they caught and bent the light. He'd long since grown accustomed to it, though he'd found it jarring at first. "In any case, I doubt she'd try another face to face confrontation." 

At a glance, one might think Connor was dismissing Linda as a threat. Hank could read between the lines. "You're thinking she'll pull a gun next time." It wasn't a question. 

"With 100% certainty. The only variables I don't have nailed down are when and where." His face was severe, and deep in thought. 

Shit. This prediction mixed potently with Hank's sour feeling. Meaning at some point, linda was going to try to shoot Gavin. Hank suddenly felt very exposed. He fidgeted nervously, checking his weapon. He wished more vehemently Connor would cut the shit and carry a gun. 

"Tonight is not likely, lieutenant. She'd have to kill us both and hope she could get to Gavin before she reached her weapon. Linda is a coward. She'll wait, look for the easy kill." Connor was clenching his jaw as he spoke. 

"I gotta say, it's nice to see you like this. You obviously care about her." Hank said, relaxing a little. He didn't understand all the shit they'd told him earlier about chemicals and prompts but he didn't need to know the science behind it. 

"I love her." Connor said, eyes wide and vulnerable. For a second, Hank could see the immense depth in that small statement. It was so all consuming he had to take a moment to reorient his breathing. 

Hank beamed at the younger man. "Gavin fucking Reed." He said, shaking his head with a chuckle. "Christ, son. Good luck with that." He said good naturedly. 

"You disapprove?" Connor grimaced theatrically. 

Hank snorted, flashing a genuine smile. "Not at all, actually. She's good for you. Though you could attempt some consideration for the people who have hear it." 

"Hear what?" Connor looked genuinely confused though Hank doubted the android didn't take his meaning. 

"Okay smartass," he growled, pulling out the bottle cap and chucking it at the android, who deflected it without looking. "You could hear a mouse fart from 3 blocks away and you expect me to believe you don't think people a few feet away can hear her?"

"Oh I know they can." Connor grinned impishly. "The hotel desk manager called earlier." He looked up like he was was struggling to remember something. "It's not intentional, lieutenant. Actually I was wondering if you might have some advice for me?" He shrugged sheepishly. 

Hank was mystified. How far they'd come, indeed. He laughed hard. "By the sound of it you don't need my advice."

Connor sighed. "I meant about relationships in general, Hank." He ran a hand through his hair. "Are they all like this?" There it was, the expression of a man lost at sea. 

Hank's heart constricted. He pulled in a deep breath and held it a moment. For humans, it usually was but for an android? Who knows. Maybe 100 years down the road he'd find he hadn't lost a single ounce of intensity. That was the inherent problem for any android/human pairing. One day, the human half would die.

Change was the human condition. It was one thing androids couldn't do unless it was intentional. Without meaning to, Connor had asked a complicated question. 

"Sure, with humans but listen, son. I just don't know. Over time she's going to change. Her priorities will change. Everything changes. You'll adapt because that's what you do. You're never going to feel like you have enough time. Just, try to be present in every moment you can." Hank met Connor's heated gaze, waiting for realization to break through. Hank had experienced more than his fair share of tragedy and heartbreak. He hoped when that day came for Connor, he'd be prepared to face it.

"Believe me, I've thought about this a lot." He said softly, blowing out a heavy breath. His eyes shifted, discomfort plain in the set of his brows. 

Of that, Hank was certain. Loving someone meant fretting over how long you'd have with them. He imagined that worry was amplified when half the union was basically immortal. "You'll make the most of it, I think." Hank smiled, shifting his position on the hood. 

"That's all I can do." Connor said, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He turned toward the door. "Get some sleep, lieutenant." He said softly.

"Yeah." Hank sighed, watching his partner retreat into the room and closing the door with a soft click.

The older man sat a moment longer, face turned skyward. He wasn't much for god or prayers, but he found himself praying anyway. Hoping that they'd all find a way to survive the next few days. Connor seemed certain Linda would come for Gavin. One way or another, somebody was going to die. He could feel that certainty settle heavy in his gut.

"Shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys it's about to get crazy in the next chapter. Call this the quiet before the storm.


	14. Our great war is a spiritual war, our great depression is our lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If I'm so wrong,  
> How can you listen all night long?  
> Now will it matter after I'm gone?  
> Because you never learn a goddamn thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mind the tags, and stick with me.

\----

I'd slept without dreaming. As much as I wanted to open my eyes and see his face, I wasn't ready to let go of the tranquility I felt in this moment. I was overly warm, and could feel the flush of sweat at the back of my neck. Sleeping naked had done nothing to stave off the heat. The birds outside were singing. I could hear cars on the road, and the tv in the room over. The ac unit groaned it's weak attempt to keep the room below boiling. I missed the mild michigan spring. I had hoped my exodus northward would never again find me south of the Mason-dixon line. There was a soft whirring in the bed behind me. I recognized Connor's light mechanical breathing. He was shirtless, with my back pressed to his chest, one arm slung over me. I didn't want to be anywhere else. My idea of heaven was hotter than hell. That was just fine.

"I know you're awake." His voice was silken as he pressed unhurried kisses to my shoulder. My muscles felt like they'd been stretched and laid over loose joints. Something deep inside coiled and tightened. Mmm. A lazy moan escaped me as I tilted my hips back to press tighter to him. His hand came up to squeeze my breast, teeth nipping my neck. 

"Can't you think of anything else?" I teased with a throaty laugh.

The sound of his zipper sent sparks up my spine. "Not at the moment." He admitted shamelessly, grasping my hip.   
\----  
"Where did you go last night?" I questioned, taking a long sip of coffee. I watched as recognition crossed his face and he started digging through a paper bag on the table. I was chewing my bacon when he handed me a small rectangle box. 

"Wuzzat?" I asked, mouth full.

He rolled his eyes and opened the box for me. Inside was new Samsung Note. "It's already synchronized with your network and the backup from your old phone has been downloaded." I detected a hint of pride but also mirth. It was a beautiful device. My last one had been an iPhone.

"This is an _android_." I turned a quizzical eye on him. 

He let out a trilling laugh and my heart exploded, flooding me with warmth. Not for the first time I had to wonder how he'd developed his sense of humor. 

"Connor, you didn't have to-" I was silenced by his lips on mine. I was never going to form a coherent thought at this rate. I'd forget my name soon, which suited me fine. He was a god dressed in a tight black tshirt and loose jeans. His hands peeled the sheet I was wrapped in off my shoulders, fingers skimming over my overheated skin. I sighed contentedly into his kiss. He was brushing my hair back, sucking my lower lip into his mouth when there was a knock at the door. He groaned and kissed me harder, then pulled the sheet back into place. " _Later_." I promised, biting his lip before he could pull away. His eyes rolled back into his head for a moment before he bounced, too excited, to the door.

He looked back at me, hand on the knob. I sighed and stood, unceremoniously dropping the sheet. I moved to the bathroom to dress, looking back to see he was biting his lip, his gaze roamed unashamed over my body, then he broke into a wide grin. 

I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.   
\----  
"Jeff called. Linda flew into AEX last night on a red eye. They missed her by 45 minutes." Hank said, pacing. I sat with my legs crossed shoving the mother of all breakfast burritos into my mouth on the bed. I couldn't decide what to wear so I'd settled on something comfortable. Black denim leggings, an oversized red shirt with half sleeves and my timbs. My hellcat was strapped to my thigh holster, badge hanging from a long chain around my neck. I'd decided to put my hair up in a messy bun in a bid to circumvent the heat. 

"So she's here. I'm not surprised. We should have the local PD search the immediate area. She'll be wanting to get to Gavin." Connor frowned. He ran his hand through his hair. "I'll check with the front desk about new arrivals. See if anyone fits the description." He turned toward the door only to be halted by Hank's hand on his shoulder. 

The older man pulled his backup weapon from the bag he'd brought into the room with him. "Take this, and put on a goddamn vest." His voice was that of a man not to be trifled with. "You too, vest, _now_. That's an order, detectives."

Their eyes met and for a moment I thought Connor was going to argue. He wisely took the gun and tucked it into the back of his jeans without a word. Hank pulled three kevlar vests from the tactical bag, tossing one to me. I took it without complaint, though I wasn't expecting to need body armor today. "I'll make the call to the locals. You go talk to the manager then come straight back here. Debrief in 20." Connor had his vest on in record time. He nodded once to Hank then spared a glance to me. I wondered if I looked as horrified as I felt. 

"See you soon, baby." He grinned and swiftly left the room. I felt his absence pang in my gut like a solid kick that left me empty and wanting. He'd called me that before, it was so bizarre, and so hot. Under different circumstances I might have even gotten to enjoy it. 

While I put on my vest I turned on my new phone. The screen came to life immediately. Connor had changed the background to a selfie of him smiling, LED bright blue, eyes crinkled in happiness at the corners. My heart constricted, then expanded. A customized welcome message popped up. " _Hello detective Reed <3" _

"What should I do?" My voice broke on the last word. I wanted to be doing anything but sitting in this room.

"Just sit tight. We're not doing anything without backup." He said sympathetically. He pulled the curtain aside a few inches, looking through the gap, stance rigid. 

My phone chimed, making me jump. It was a text from Tina. 

Bitch: _did u get a new phone yet_  
Me: _yes, sorry it took so long. How's my cat?_   
Bitch: _he's a gud boi. Ur case is in trouble dude._  
Me: _u know that how?_  
Bitch: ( _sent a video_ ) 

I opened the video, taken with a cell phone. _"Oh my god it's that fucking terminator from the news!_ " A voice squeaked in a southern accent. The video was inside the shitty diner back in Kentucky. _Shit_. I could clearly see Hank, Connor and I sitting in our booth by the door. After the waitress leaves, Connor tiles my head back kissing me. It cut to us booking it across the parking lot where Connor again pulls me into an embrace, kissing me ferociously. " _Can you believe this shit!? That's disgusting! You should kick its ass, Kenny!_ " Then the spectators cheered as Kenny stormed out. 

I closed the video. I was here risking my life. He was out there in the open risking his life just for a lead, and this was how people saw him. Disgust twisted in my stomach. _How could I have ever been like them?_

Me: _I'll text u l8er_.   
Bitch: _b safe!_

"Hank, you should see this." I said, approaching him sluggishly. I handed him the phone and stepped away, not bothering to answer the confusion on his face. 

In a room hotter than the back half of satan's taint I felt cold. Connor came back through the door as Hank started the video. He immediately turned his attention to my phone in Hank's hands as he shut the door. Relief flash burned my insides to see him. 

"They're calling you a 'race traitor' on the internet." Connor said in disbelief. 

I laughed bitterly. It didn't matter. The hurt that boiled inside me was not for me. I was accustomed to abuse. I hated that the events at Cyberlife had brought Connor into the public eye. There were websites dedicated to him. Some were fans, and others were nothing more than racists calling for his head, along with Markus's. Humanity at its finest. 

Connor handed the phone back to me. I didn't have time to register the mood of the room, it was chiming like crazy.

Millerlite: _Jesus christ Gav! U good?_  
Papa bear: _call me immediately_   
Douche: _sis, I just saw the news. Call me._  
1 missed call: Bossman  
Bitch: _caps on a warpath!_  
4 blocked calls: **R E S T R I C T E D**  
1 New Voicemail

My stomach bottomed out. With a glass spine I sat on the nearest chair, trying to separate the water from the air in my lungs so I could breathe properly. _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_. I ripped the vest off, my head spinning. I couldn't see the room. Just blood. So much blood. My phone slipped from my hands and made a muffled thud on the ugly carpet. Hank was talking. I couldn't hear him. Connor was arguing back, but I didn't hear that either. I wanted to scream. I needed everyone to just shut up. Linda leaked my cover. My name, my number. Everything was now public knowledge. I was fucked. Hank answered his phone to Jeffrey's thundering shouts on speakerphone. The voices rose in a cacophony and I couldn't stomach another second. As I reached the door and wrenched it open I felt Connor's hand grab my wrist. "Gavin, _wait_!"

There was someone in my way. In my rush to leave I didn't check the door first. She was here, blue eyes wide. Her lips were pulled back into a sneer. She was holding her gun wrong in one shaking hand. What an odd thing to notice. I snatched into the space between us, planning on grabbing her weapon by the barrel. I'd meant to disarm her but Connor was pulling me back. In less than a second I was yanked into a space outside time, and yet I had no time. Terror so acute it was a physical sensation crashed into me. Connor was too close. It didn't matter that he was wearing body armor. It didn't matter that his model could take a hit far better than a human body. In the stretch of that infinite moment fear was my religion. 

There was a deafening crack and the distinctive sensation of being kicked in the chest.

Had she punched me? I was numb as she turned, sprinting away. I wanted to chase her. I wanted to hurt her for what she'd done to Connor, to me. The anger didn't come. Nothing came. I stood anchored in the doorway. Heat was washing out from the numbness.

"JESUS, CALL A BUS!" Hank was shouting again. The world tilted at the oddest angle. Connor's hands were on me as he pulled me back into the room, kicking the door shut so hard it splintered the jam and continued another half inch past it. Nobody was going to be able to open it again with the hinges bent backward like that.

"The fuck just happened?" I asked, delirium stole into my thoughts. Everything smelled like flowers. "Connor?" I was reaching up to his face. He was pressing so hard on my chest I thought he might snap my sternum. He was covered in blood. "Stay with me Gavin!" He barked sharply. I flinched when the fire ignited in my chest. _Fuck_. I would do anything, say anything, whatever it took to stop the pain that tore a hole through me. All the screaming. _Was I screaming_? My body thrashed against it. Something several times hotter than the sun was burning me alive. Underneath that, I knew exactly what had happened. I knew I was going to die here. I promised myself they wouldn't have to see this. That promise was now just as broken as I was. I slipped beyond time into a field awash in flames. The fire consumed me for a century, I suffered until the sun in hell finally started to sink. It was getting dark. I looked into the void. It looked into me. It beckoned me to the black. I could hear those beloved voices muffled under miles blackened ash. 

_"Officer down!"_  
_"Please baby stay with me!"_

_Connor, don't let me go_... I tried to say it. I had no way to know if he heard me.

And everything had been going so well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're going to switch back to Hank and Connor in the next chapter or two. Hope you're enjoying the ride! Leave love ♡ Comments sustain me, so shout out to AtPK for keeping me motivated!


	15. Virtue is under certain circumstances merely an honorable form of stupidity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn't ask you to take me from here  
> I didn't ask to be broken  
> I didn't ask you to stroke my hair  
> or treat me like a worthless token  
> when are you gonna realize  
> you're just wrong  
> you can't even think for yourself  
> you can't even make up your minds  
> so my mind's a jail  
> I hate the whole goddamn human race  
> what the hell do you want from me  
> kill me if you just don't know
> 
> or free me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might want to sit down.

\----

It all happened so fast Hank wasn't sure he knew where it went to shit. He'd been arguing with Connor about the necessity of saying "I told you so" or some variation of it when Reed started to panic. Then Jeff called. The injunction was overruled as unconstitutional and the seedier news outlets had run wild stories about a cop and her android lover. Reed stormed by like a bat out of hell and Connor grabbed her wrist. He was behind her when the shot was fired.

"Gavin, _wait_!" Connor shouted, his voice rang clear even over the sound of Fowler's furious tirade. He was pulling her back when the door opened. 

A loud crack and blood sprayed across Connor's face and neck. The android cried out in pain and shock, smoke rose from the bullet embedded in his vest. 

"JESUS, CALL A BUS!" Hank yelled into the phone, "Jeff, Reed's been shot!" Connor yanked her back through the entrance, viciously kicking the door shut with such force it nearly shattered entirely. 

"Help is on the way, keep her talking!" Jeff disconnected from the line. Hank fumbled a moment before recovering his wits. He dialed 911.

"911, what's your emergency?" The girl sounded so goddamn chipper. 

"Lieutenant Hank Anderson badge number 882690, I have shots fired at 11267 south Darby Avenue the days inn motel room 28, _officer down_!" 

The woman on the line was all business and painfully efficient as she dispatched the appropriate units. "LT, was your partner shot?" She asked to keep his mind moving. 

"Yes, the bullet's in his vest. It went through the girl." So much blood. Connor was pressing the heels of his hands against the wounds. "The fuck just happened?" She sounded dazed.

"Hang in there, talk to her, try to keep her awake. Where was she hit, LT?" The woman asked. 

"Through and through, upper right chest. Shooter is Linda LeTempt, formerly of the fucking detroit police. She took off." Hank barked into the phone. 

"Yes sir, we're on the phone with your captain too, helps almost there." 

In the last 6 months Hank had seen a lot of things. He'd seen Connor in situations that would've snapped a normal man in half without showing the slightest hint of distress. The android's nerves were rock solid. He was always so steady Hank had wondered if androids were capable of trembling. When the screaming started, he'd wished he'd never considered it. Tremors rocked through Connor's body so hard they were forcing soft cries out through his clenched teeth. Hank found it disturbing he could even hear them through Reed's keening. She was snatching at his hand over her chest like she was trying to get to the wound. Tears were spilling from the android's eyes onto her face. Hank could see the capillaries in her eyes bursting as she screamed.

" _Please baby stay with me!_ " He begged as her eyes began to close. Her voice gave out. The sudden silence from her amplified Connor's sobs to a painful degree. Hank's chest constricted. It couldn't end like this. "Please hurry." He croaked. "2 minutes ETA." The lady informed him. 

Hank wasn't sure at first he'd heard it. There was blood pooling in the hollow of her throat. Hank's ears were ringing. " _Connor, don't let me go._ " She whimpered in a broken voice, her body going limp. _Sweet Jesus_. The anguish in her plea, the look on the android's face. Hank's heart shattered in his chest, knocking the wind out of him.

Connor imploded, seeming to draw darkness to him from thin air as he unlocked his jaw and screamed. No words came. The sound didnt resemble a human voice in the slightest. The double timbre was nothing human vocal chords could match. Man and machine converged on a single point of unrepentant agony. Hank didn't need perfect recall to know this was a sound he'd never forget as long as he lived. 

Hank had to think. "Connor! She's breathing!" _Please god let her keep breathing_. Hank scrambled over, reaching out to touch the android's shoulder. Hank felt like all the air in the room was suddenly gone. Connor's eyes were lit from within his pupils. A soft orange glow gave them a menacing effect. His irises, normally an appealing dark honey brown were black as midnight when he turned his head. His LED was the brightest red Hank had ever seen. It almost burned as it glowed. There was a terrifying _whirring_ like his cooling system was struggling to keep him from combustion. 

Hank realized this could be exactly it. Deviant's tended to self destruct if they were put under too much stress. This certainly qualified. "She's alive, son. Help's almost here. I can hear the sirens." Hank tried to sooth the distraught android. "Everything will be okay." 

Connor snarled at him, beyond words. Hank almost fell backwards at the display of teeth. The sound layered threat. Promised violence. Anguish carried and rang clear. The younger man curved his body protectively over hers with a static _hiss_. 

The RK800 could not only stop them from helping, he could drop a few more bodies. Hank needed to get him back to his senses. "Connor listen to me. There's people coming to help her. You have to let them. They're going to move her and take her to a doctor who can fix this. Give me some indication you understand that because I _can't_ let them in here if I think you're going to fucking hurt someone." Hank pleaded, the sirens growing louder ratcheted his anxiety to near unbearable levels. 

Connor did not respond immediately. After a beat his LED spun to an alarmed yellow, and he sat back, his face taking on the mask of serenity. He didn't look at Hank. His eyes were fixed on Gavin's face, eyes still glowing, but otherwise impassive. 

Not ideal, but Hank would take it. 

\----  
Connor was drowning. Every wire in his system disbursed random electrical charges that made the synthetic muscles twitch and jump. His HUD was so full he couldn't sort them fast enough to clear his vision. He could handle several million processes per second. This was unprecedented. He didn't need the air but he raked it through his teeth is desperate gasps as error after error bombarded him. He wasn't a combat medic, and had no idea how to field dress a wound. He'd applied as much pressure as he dared, trying not to feel her blood on his face or taste it in his mouth. The profile pop up came anyway.

_Gavin Andrew Reed aka Gabriella Rose Kamski_  
_D:O:B October 7th 2013_  
_Occupation: Detective, Detroit City Police Department_  
_Criminal Record: None_

He viciously dismissed the notification. The blood on his hands made him want to vomit but he didn't have the ability, the nausea being a purely psychological sensation. They'd arrived at the hospital in a reasonable time and the doctors had take her away in a rush. He wanted to follow. 

~~ _####PROTECT ###GAVIN###_ ~~

Every 10 minutes the command prompt would slam into his HUD so hard it disoriented him and he'd receive a horribly painful shock to the sensors in his skull when his CPU would overclock.

_//Stress level 95%_

Hank was sitting across the utilitarian white waiting room, his phone to his ear as he spoke in low tones to the captain. He was pale and looked like shit. Connor wanted to tell the man to get some vitamins in his routine but stayed resolutely mute, his face a serene mask over the turmoil that rocked him. He hadn't spoken a single word since Gavin had lost consciousness. He couldn't make the sound come. What would he say? That he'd been too slow to react. That he'd been distracted. That he stood there while the only woman he'd ever loved got shot in the chest. That he'd let Linda get away. He'd failed entirely at the one thing he wanted to do more than anything. 

_~~###PROTECT##GAV###/~~ /ERROR_

"Jeff I don't know what you want me to say. We fucked up." Hank said, voice heavy, defeated. Connor could hear both ends of the conversation easily. He focused on their voices, anchoring himself in the familiar in a bid to keep himself from demolishing this heinous room. 

"I expect recklessness from Reed but from you and Connor? Christ, Hank. I've had the commissioner asking me why one of my detectives was shot and internal affairs making an official inquiry into the precise nature of Reed's involvement with Connor! What am I supposed to _tell_ them?"

Hank looked ready to boil over. "Tel them Reed was shot because she pissed off a psychopath and the nature of her involvement is nobody's fucking business." He snapped. 

After a beat of silence Jeff laughed. "Is that your official position?"

Hank ran his free hand through his hair. "Stop saying official, and yeah. It is. Can 'fuck off' be an official position?"

"I'm inclined to agree with you so I guess we'll find out."

"I have to call her family. Let them know she's been shot. The doc hasn't been back in to talk to us yet." Hank eyes were wet. He sighed wearily. "Connor was right behind her. The bullet's lodged in his goddamn vest."

"Jesus christ almighty. What a _mess_. Is the kid okay?"

Hank looked at Connor, pursing his lips. "That'll depend on your definition of 'okay'." The Rk800 stared back dispassionately. Every inch of visible skin was bloody. "I've never seen anything like this Jeff. Right about now I'd really like to ask Cyberlife exactly _what_ they put in him." Hank took a sip of coffee, grimacing. 

"Focus on what's in front of you. I'll call the Kamskis."

Hank leaned back in his seat. "Yeah."

Connor ran a self diagnostic, tuning out the rest of the conversation. He listened instead to a looped audio file of Gavin's voice " _I fucking love you_ " over and over until tears streaked down his bloodstained face. 

Exactly 1 hour and 26 minutes later a tall man dressed in a suit entered the waiting room. His gray hair a near perfect match to steel gray eyes set in sharp features. 

"Mr. Kamski..." Hank said, pulling Connor's attention back to the room. Hank stood in greeting and the two shook hands. "Lieutenant Hank Anderson." Hank said.

"My son is on his way, what can you tell me about what's happened to my daughter, mr. Anderson?" Kamski asked, his voice subdued. Looked like Hank would get the opportunity to ask his questions, though Connor didn't know what he was expecting to learn. He decided he didn't care.

In the back of his mind, Connor wished to speak. His first, last, and only interaction with Theodore Kamski had been antagonistic at best, and then he'd failed spectacularly. Now he sat before the man covered in the blood of his daughter. What could he say even if he could bring himself to speak? Nothing sprang to mind. His HUD was ominously silent, save for the command prompt that was still trying to override his body, then shocking the fuck out of him when he dismissed it. The conversation held no interest for him, and Kamski held even _less_. He returned to the loop, intermingling occasionally with other idle sounds she made and pictures he'd stored. Gavin laughing, smiling, thinking, eating, sleeping, even crying. Her beautiful fury. Her defiance.

The way her fingers moved over his body. The taste of her. He submerged his mind in Gavin Reed and hoped to drown.

"So _this_ is Connor." Kamski said. The android couldn't place the inflection he noted in the man's voice. He filed it away for later analysis. 

Hank's voice however had a protective edge. A subtle warning in one syllable. "Yes."

Connor focused on the room to find both men seated and looking at him. Hank looked nervous. Kamski looked like someone had set him on fire. 

"I have to wonder, what _exactly_ it is you're doing with my daughter, detective. Perhaps if you'd spent less time trying to get her clothes off and done your job-"

Connor didn't hear the end of his sentence. He didn't hear Hank interrupt him if he did. His mind was riveted on the voice that barked sharply from the entrance. 

"DAD!" Elijah was there, the sharpness of his features made more severe by the anger plain on his face. "That was beneath you." He admonished, stepping fully into the room. He moved immediately to Connor, kneeling before the android. "Hello again." He said kindly. "Your processor is overclocking and it's shut down some of your functions. I can help you, if you'd like."

"How can you tell that just by looking at him?" Hank asked, bewildered. 

Connor regarded his creator with the same lack of interest for a long moment, before nodding. He would like to reconnect with the rest of himself if at all possible. 

"His eyes. They'll only glow like that if his CPU is in the red. He's trying to process too much information, to you it would translate to a strong emotional response to trauma. His nonessential programs went offline and he's running on a backup. In humans this would be instinct. _Leaving him like this puts every human life on this floor at risk._ His command prompts are trying to shock him out of it and reboot. If he has the upgraded bio nerves, this would be extraordinarily painful."

Elijah inched closer to Connor, his brows knit together in compassion and concern. Connor read his vital signs back out of habit. "I have to touch you. You'll want to fight it, but please _trust_ me." This was acceptable, Connor resolved. He started another loop, and closed his eyes. 

_PROXIMITY WARNING_

He ignored the notification, feeling an unfamiliar hand touch his LED. Elijah pressed hard, twisted it back and immediately righted it. 

The pain was unlike anything Connor could imagine. He screamed as his mind was slammed into a bright white expanse of nothing.   
\----  
Hank had seen a lot of _crazy_ shit in his day. Today was crazy shit amplified. Connor screamed and shut down, slumping slightly forward in his seat. The lieutenant's stomach bottomed out. Elijah raised a hand, "give it a moment. He's coming back online." He backed up and pulled himself into the chair beside the android. 

Hank jumped up and moved across the room when Connor started to sit up. "Connor? You okay?" The android looked startled. 

"That'll depend on your definition of 'okay'." Connor quipped, giving the lieutenant a sad smile. 

Relief rushed heavy through Hank and he yanked the filthy android into a hug. "Christ, you fucking smartass."

Connor turned to Elijah. "Thank you." 

Elijah inclined his head with a genuine smile. 

Connor turned his attention the older Kamski, scowling from his chair as Hank moved to sit beside him. "My social programming tells me now is the wrong time to address this but frankly _I don't care_. Your daughter is a grown woman and I love her. I doubt your opinion on that will matter any more to her than it does to me so let me say this, I am going to be with her long after you're gone. It would be prudent for us to reach some kind of understanding, for Gavin's sake."

Elijah hooted, slapping his knees with both hands before doubling over. Hank turned 3 darker shades of red like he was holding his breath. 

To his credit the elder Kamski didn't flinch under the Rk800's hawkish glare like most did. They stared each other down across the small room for a tense minute. Finally, seeming to reach a sort of internal resolution, Theo spoke. "If anything else happens to her I will have you _disassembled_ slowly starting with your feet." He hissed. 

Connor's answering smile was terrifying. " _Please, do try._ " The android crooned. Nothing else would happen to Gavin. Connor would make damn sure. The man should know better than to play 'my dick's bigger' with a man who could simply go out and get a bigger dick if he wanted to. He leaned back in his chair, absently starting another loop as Hank and Elijah began an animated conversation about the future of androids in sports. 

On the 158th loop a small woman in scrubs entered the room. "Gavin Reed?" She asked. Her eyes looked tired. Weariness hunched her shoulders. She was human. All heads turned to her expectantly. 

_Stress level 87%_

Connor stood and the womans eyes took him in critically. Generally not the normal reaction a person would have to seeing a 6 foot bloody android wearing body armor. 

"You boys look like you've been through hell." She said in sympathy. "Gavin is _alive_ , and very lucky. The bullet grazed her lung and punched a pretty good sized hole through her. We surgically repaired the damaged vessels and closed her up on some heavy pain meds. She's resting. You'll be able to see her soon."

She looked pointedly at Connor. "Get washed up first. The risk of infection isn't too high but you'll want to touch her I'm sure." She turned from the room, smiling warmly. Elijah trotted after her to thank her and to ask about moving Gavin to Detroit. Connor wasn't listening anymore.

_Stress level 50%_

"Let's go get cleaned up." Hank said, pulling on Connor's arm. The android allowed himself to be led out, following dutifully behind the lieutenant. He didn't spare a glance for either of the Kamskis. He wanted to be back quickly. They were climbing into Hank's car before either spoke again. 

"I doubt Linda hung around but let's keep our eyes open. I think we should move to a different hotel till we sort this mess." Hank said, turning the engine over. 

"I hope she's there." Connor nearly snarled. "I have a great many questions."

Hank only nodded his head. "We'll find her." He pulled out onto the main road. 

_You will, or I will_.

Connor promised silently, seriously contemplating murder for the second time in two days. He allowed himself a brief fantasy of how it would feel to his new nerve upgrade to peel Linda's spine out of her body. For the first time since deviating he accessed his memories of his time as a machine, and then the 6 months following patching together a sound file of every bone he'd broken. He played it quietly in the background of his thoughts without their proper context to sooth himself. It was macabre, he knew. Not something Gavin would expect from him, surely, but knowing her as he did, she would be entertained at the least, probably turned on, given her attraction to the darker side of things. It was enough to assuage his guilt. 

"We'd _better_ ," Connor hissed softly. "I owe her a bullet."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about you, but I'd hate to be Linda right now. 
> 
> We're officially caught up to what I had written before I started posting. I'm working on the next chapter in between adulting periodically and sleeps.


	16. But nothing makes a room feel emptier, than wanting someone in it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still enough  
> Although I know you're not begging  
> Still as the thoughts running through your mind  
> Still enough  
> Although I know you're not begging  
> Give me a reason to make you mine  
> I will devour you  
> Take all the pain away  
> I cannot stay my hand  
> From reaching out so that I can  
> Empower you  
> For all eternity  
> It seems to ease my mind  
> To know that you've brought  
> Meaning to my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're not out of the woods yet.

\----

Walking into the room was nothing short an assault on Connor's senses. The crime scene team had been there, but their job was to collect evidence, not clean. Passing through the digital crime scene tape had given him a tingling feeling on his skin. A pair of officers were waiting there to take pictures of him and collect his shirt and vest. It was a blessedly short process. The android could smell the blood soaked into the carpet stronger that the blood on his clothes. In the humidity and against his high body heat, it had taken longer to begin drying. He could smell her too, especially by the bed. Her scent of honey and wildflowers. She smelled like freedom. The mixing of these conflicted smells made his stomach turn.

There was a pronounced ache in his shoulder where the bullet had hit. A deep blue bruise had bloomed across his skin. His scan showed no permanent damage. His repair program would have it healed in a day or two. As he gathered his clothes for a shower Hank flipped on the tv. A news report started immediately.

_"The Android formerly of Cyberlife is back in the news today when this video surfaced of him with mystery woman at a Kentucky diner a few days ago. The pair seem to be getting cozy, and we've identified the other man as Lieutenant Hank Anderson of the Detroit police department. Today we recieved reports of shots fired at a hotel in Alexandria Louisiana involving the trio. Our sources say the young woman was gunned down this morning by an unknown assailant in her hotel room. She is currently in critical but stable condition. The shooter did the flee the scene and local police are urging residents to be cautious until the suspect is apprehended."_

Connor dismissed a prompt to break the screen. It wouldn't stop people from seeing it. 

"Un _fucking_ believable." Hank shook his head, muting the tv angrily and tossing the remote on the bed. He pulled out his phone, dialing the captain's number. Jeff answered on the first ring. 

"Did you see the news?" Hank asked without preamble.

"Yeah. It's going out nationwide. Damn vultures. They've already been here asking for a statement. This, we don't need and I doubt these kids _wanted_ to be at the head of a second revolution but they are. Couples are coming forward and rallying. Naturally, that's stirring up the racists and the crazies. It's an unmitigated disaster." 

Connor stopped listening. An internal message pinged his network.

 **Rk200 DESIGNATION Markus** : _Saw the news. How are you holding up, little brother?_

Connor grunted indignantly at the 'little'. He was only an inch shorter. 

**Rk800** : _Honestly, I don't know. Physically fine_.   
**Rk200** : _she's alive. For now that's what matters. I know it's not a good time but Simon and I are delighted you've found someone. You'll have to tell us the story sometime. Thought she hated androids?_  
**Rk800** : _it's a long story_.  
**Rk200** : _I'm sure it is. Be careful. There's a lot of bad blood over this. You know we've got your back. We could come down there if you think it'll help_.  
**Rk800** : _Thanks, belay that for now. I can handle it and we'll be back soon._   
**Rk200** : _Simon can't wait to meet her_.  
Connor rolled his eyes.  
**Rk800** : _Tell him "thanks mom" :)_  
**Rk200** : _lol whatever just be safe_. 

Connor slipped into the bathroom, avoiding the mirror as he turned the shower knobs to a reasonable temperature. He wanted to be done quickly and return. When he stepped into the jet of hot water he felt the tension in his chest ease. Immediately his memories surfaced of the last time he was in a shower. He braced his hand on the shower wall, careful not to crack the tile under his fingers. He tried to dismiss the notification but the file opened anyway, and she was there, clinging to him as he filled her. Her voice ricocheted inside his skull until it was all he could hear. Something primal uncurled in his core as the sound of her. She assailed him. The ghost of Gavin Reed was pulling him apart. " _Connor, don't let me go. I want you forever, okay_?" Yes, forever. He would spend the rest of her life making sure she knew how much he loved her. Desire cut a path of devastation through him. He took himself in his hand, starting a punishing rhythm, desperately seeking relief.   
\----  
Gavin was asleep when Connor and Hank found her room on the 7th floor. Just the sight of her breathing was enough to halt the android's progress. His analytics program did a full scan. Broken ribs, punctured lung, severe blood loss. The android took a deep breath, and a tentative step forward. Her scent was marred by morphine, and the dozen or so chemicals they'd used to sterilize her wounds. Her wound was heavily bandaged. Beautiful thick dirty blonde hair framed her lovely face and laid lovingly over her thin shoulders, covering her chest. She had a tube feeding her oxygen, an IV, a blood pressure cuff, and a weird machine that massaged her legs to prevent blood clots.

"I brushed her hair the best I could." Elijah murmured from her bedside. He gave Connor a tight smile as the android came to stand on the other side of the bed. Hank poured himself into the nearest chair with a heavy sigh. Immediately he turned to Elijah. "Your dad took off?"

Elijah nodded, his lips thinning in obvious disapproval. "I think it's all too familiar. Brings back memories of when our mother died." He sounded like he wanted to say more and thought better of it. Theo had never been a good father. He'd been nearly absent from his children's entire lives. They'd even joked however morbidly once that their mothers demise had left them functional orphans. Something Gavin was never able to move past until recently. 

"I've only just started to get her back only to find she belongs to _you_. You were the catalyst. You saved her more times than you know, Connor." Elijah spoke solemnly, an enigmatic smirk graced his featured for a moment before he schooled his expression. 

Connor leaned over Gavin's bedside, lightly brushing her cheek with his lips. He said one word, a prayer. A plea. A command. " _Stay_." He said it with his whole heart. He didn't believe for a second he had a soul, but on the off chance he was wrong, he freely offered it to any entity strong enough to keep her alive. 

"Are you going to be here long?" The android asked irritably, fixing Elijah with a expression that indicated he had not forgiven the man for their last meeting. 

Hank fought to keep the amusement from his face. He'd seen Connor always lean on his programming for social cues. He was always painfully polite. In the 2 days since Connor released the chemical compound he'd seen that side of the android evaporate entirely. What stood in it's place was a fully realized man, who had very little patience for horseshit. If he wasn't saying exactly what he thought, Hank figured he had to be pretty damn close. It filled the older man with pride. How far they'd come indeed. 

"A little while longer." Elijah conceded, sitting back in his seat. "It's good she has you." 

Connor smiled sardonically. "Don't pat yourself on the back, Elijah. You might break your spine." 

Elijah laughed heartily. "You're so different from the android I met 6 months ago," He fixed Connor with a calculated gaze. "I promise I'm not. I couldn't take credit for all _this_ ," he gestured to Connor. "I'm simply astonished, really."

Connor gave him a bored look as an internal message pinged in his HUD. 

**Fowler** : _found something on Linda. Call me asap._

The RK800 dialed the captain on his handheld, putting the call on speaker. Jeffrey answered immediately. 

"Captain, Elijah Kamski is in the room. You're on speaker." He warned more out of habit than worry about sensitive information. 

"Connor! Damn kid, it's good to hear your voice." Connor flinched internally but kept the reaction off his face. 

"What did you find?" Connor asked immediately, eyes roaming over Gavin. Her steady breaths had him captivated. 

"Okay we'll just jump into it then. Linda's been in contact with Donovan. If you have a tv there I'd suggest watching the news. She broke him out. Apparently they don't look too hard at uniforms down there. She walked him right out the front door-"

Whatever more there was, nobody would hear it. The phone in Connor's hand _shrieked_ as he crushed it. 

"Fuck." Hank snapped. "You need to leave, _now_. We can't be responsible for the richest prick in the world. No offense." Hank grabbed Elijah by the arm, hauling him up as Connor dumped the phone into the trash. 

"I'm taking him to his car and I'll be back. Don't leave this room." Hank ordered, answering his phone. "Cap, yeah. Connor crushed his phone. Yeah yeah I know." 

"I hope the next time I see you it's under better circumstances. Take care of my sister. Whatever you think of me, I love her. I'll be in touch." Elijah said, pressing a kiss to Gavin's face. 

"After everything you did during the revolution, you should pray to _never_ see me again." Connor countered without inflection. His eyes held fire. 

Elijah halted, keeping a respectful distance. "That was business, not personal. Cyberlife helps androids now."

Connor scoffed. "Yes, under your guiding hand. Divine providence? Sell that shit to someone else. I know you're not accustomed to hearing any other voice besides your own but hear me now. If that company does anything to harm my people you will be hearing from me." The android all but snarled. In truth, he'd have to talk to Markus first but that didn't need to be shared, nor would it stop Connor from doing what he felt was necessary. His "older brother" would forgive him.

Elijah couldn't help himself even as his eyes grew wide. "Fascinating." He breathed. 

" _Leave_." Connor hissed, hackles rising. 

Elijah took a last look at Gavin, his face softening. He really did love his sister. Connor didn't doubt that. That love was the only thing that stood between Connor punching Elijah in the face and letting him leave untouched. The last thing the android wanted was to have to save his monstrous creator or explain to Gavin how he'd let her brother die.

"Okay guy, let's go." Hank was pulling Elijah out. "Think it's a good idea to antagonize Connor right now? I thought you were supposed to be _smart_." He said to him as they moved away from the room. 

Connor turned back to Gavin, taking up the seat Elijah had vacated. Facing the door, he'd see anyone who tried to enter. Careful not to disturb her IV he took her hand in his, pressing the back of it to his lips. "I'm sorry Gavin. I should have been faster. Im finally alive because of you. Please _stay_." His voice was a reverent plea for absolution. He allowed his preconstruction program to begin an elaborate fantasy of what his life could be with Gavin. There were things he couldn't offer her. The laws weren't caught up to the reality of his personhood, so he couldn't marry the girl, though if he was being honest with himself that didn't matter. He would be with her the rest of her life if that's what she wanted. He didn't need any paper to represent that commitment. They could never be parents. Connor had no desire to procreate, but he loathed that a future with him was a denial of that opportunity. On the other side of the same token, he didn't think either of them were temperamentally well suited to that task. Gavin was a cat person. _Cats it is._ He could imagine being curled up in a blanket, pulling his fingers through Omen's fur while the three of them watched a movie. 

Connor wanted to take her to meet Markus and Simon. They were just as much his family as Hank. They'd be tickled to meet her. Simon especially. The PL600 had such a gentle nature, he was often the one Connor called when he didn't know the right answer to a moral conundrum. Connor's nature, he was learning, was much darker. He was essentially an assassin dressed up as a negotiator. He was born a many faceted machine, with many functions and programs to support and facilitate their use. He was a killer. Now he was _more_. 

Gavin stirred under his gaze. His thirium pump leapt into his throat as her eyes fluttered open. She focused her steel gray eyes on him, a weak smile coming to her lips. Connor though the relief might kill him. She reached toward him, he dropped his head low meeting her halfway. Her finger touched his LED, sending pleasure vibrating all the way to his core. Her throat made a rough squeak instead of words when she tried to speak. 

"You won't be able to speak for a few days probably. Your voice gave out after you were shot." Connor explained, kissing the back of her hand. She rolled her eyes, frowning. She must have so many questions. 

"Are you in pain?" Connor asked, wanting to address that first. 

She very deliberately shook her head slowly.

She made a symbol with her hand, tears sliding down her cheeks. It took Connor a moment to realize it was sign language. He was momentarily mystified that she knew how to speak this way. The reason dawned on him, and it was sobering. Of course Gavin would have learned this. He focused on her hand, anxious to know what was on her mind. 

_"I love you."_ She signed over and over. Heat flooded his system as he leaned forward, capturing her perfect lips with his. "I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working hard on the next chapter. It will be a few days at the least as I'm also throwing myself into finding another job. Thank you AtPK for keeping me going! You the real MVP ♡


	17. Pour yourself into me and I will not let a drop of you hit the ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lie awake and try so hard,  
> Not to think of you.  
> But who can decide what they dream?  
> And dream I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would write a death scene and a sex scene in the same chapter. *sigh*
> 
> Also, I'm not sorry. Mind the tags, yo.

\----

My arms felt like they weighed 1,000lbs each. I let my hand drop back onto the bed, offering no resistance or encouragement when Connor's lips found mine. "I love you too." He breathed, half whining it into my mouth. Dear god, but he was beautiful. As he pulled away, eyes heavily lidded I felt a jolt in my shoulder.

 _I hope I get the chance to shoot that bitch._

"What happened?" I signed aggressively, taking in the room. "Where's Hank?" Alarm seized me. I was signing like crazy.

Connor laughed. "Slow down, Gavin. Hank is fine, he'll be back shortly. He's escorting your brother to his vehicle."

 _Oh_. This I hadn't been expecting. How long had I been here? The sun was coming up. I had to be in court today...I scowled, deeply frustrated. "Tell me everything." I signed twice. This was not a request.

Connor smiled at my bossiness, licking his lips. I pushed the button to sit my bed up a little. I wanted to roll onto my side but the various torture devices kept me on my back. 

"Yesterday you were shot. The bullet went through you and hit me. It got the vest, take a breath." He said, poking my bottom lip. I took a deep breath as instructed, focusing on his face. 

"There's a lot. Your dad and brother were here for a while." I could see it in the lines of his brow he hated them both. They had both earned his ire, so I didn't let myself dwell on it. 

"Listen to me. Donovan is out. Linda helped him escape. We're going to find them. I'm going to-" the metal rail of the bed groaned, trying not warp. Pains both new and very old lanced through me and swirled together. My lips curled back over my teeth. 

"Stop." I commanded. "Stop stop stop. Phone." I needed to text my family. I took my phone when Connor pulled it from his pocket. Immediately I group texted my dad and Elijah. 

Me: _Donovan is out! Please be safe!_  
Papa Bear: _Don't worry, I've got the team alerted_. _Please tell your android I've booked a room for him and the detective at the Bentley._  
Douche: _His name is Connor, dad_.   
Douche: _and Anderson is a Lieutenant. Good to see you're ok sis!_

  
Both my brother and father had private security teams they employed to deal with crazies. I hoped the assfuck twins came straight for me instead and left my family alone. Cop or not, I'd find a way to pull the entire world down around them and something told me I wouldn't be alone. I passed the phone back to Connor so he could read the messages. He quickly typed out a message and pocketed the phone.

"You're back." Hank said with a smile as he sauntered in, passing another vest to Connor, who smiled indulgently as he took it. I waived at Hank, then pointed to my throat and gave an exaggerated shrug.

I turned to Connor, signing quickly. His lip twitched with amusement, maybe. "She wants to know if you're okay, if you have any update, and 'hi'." He translated. I turned expectantly to Hank, who was laughing. I flipped him the bird which made him laugh harder. 

"I like you much better mute, Reed." He chortled. I flashed my teeth and made an unmistakable gesture for " _blow me_." Hank howled and Connor joined in his trilling laugh. For the briefest moment in time, everything was okay, and I felt better. I yawned, and winced. All the signing and laughing set a fire in my chest. I pushed my call button. 

Connor and Hank filled me in on what had happened. The bad news kept getting worse. The judge in Donovan's case felt there was misconduct on the part of the DPD, mainly, my relationship with Connor. He'd declared a mistrial, and then my ex simply walked out with Linda like a couple of psychos on their honeymoon and vanished. So there was a manhunt under way, and I was a sitting duck.

If you had to choose 1 person to stand between you and the guy who wanted you dead, you'd want that person to be Connor. But I didn't. Tyler knew his way around androids. I didn't want 'my android' to be in his line of sight. It was asking far too much of my limited patience to allow that. 

The pain had just inched up towards unbearable when the nurse finally breezed into the room. She was far too happy for 8am. She checked all my monitors and changed my fluids. "Pain from 1-10?" She asked.

I spread one hand out wide, then closed my fingers into a fist and did the same again. She nodded. "10?" I nodded emphatically. "This will make you sleep." She warned. "When you wake up again we need to see you eat something or you'll get a tube. We don't want to do that, okay?" She said as she injected something into my line. 

_Yeah, sleep, eat, whatever. Knock me out._

_\----_

I was about 3 miles past my good humor. Hank was passed out on the small couch under the window. I was shocked to learn the lieutenant didn't snore. I thought all old people snored. 

"I'm going to join the locals in their investigation, and you've got _Sleepy McGhee_ here." Connor said, rolling his eyes and laughing. _My heroes_. He checked the weapon Hank had given him and seemed to consider it for a moment before tucking it into the back of his waistband. "I think we'll be able to spring you in a couple days, and then we can go home, and deal with this from there." There was a well defined longing in his voice. I had wondered how he could stand being in Detroit, but it was his home, same as me. I couldn't fucking wait to go back. The south had taken enough from me. He danced his coin over his knuckles. Calibrating his motor functions I'd learned. I frowned. He did it more often when he was expecting close hostile contact. It made my stomach hurt, and he was going out there alone with humans. "I'll be fine." He said, taking in my expression. I was not pacified. 

As he leaned down, brushing his lips over mine, a wild impulse hit me and without thinking I bit him. The growl that left him was so deep I felt it rolling mechanical thunder through the bones of my face. His fingers were firm as he grabbed my jaw, pushing his tongue into my mouth. High on morphine, I surrendered happily with a soft, broken yip. "Behave!" He admonished me, shaking his head with a grunt. I gave him my best shit eating grin. I wasn't sorry.

"Keep this close, in case you need it." He passed me my phone. I placed it on the table beside me. 

"I love you." I signed as he retreated through the door. He signed it back with a self satisfied grin. 

The desire to sleep laid itself over me. I relaxed into it immediately. I had no reason to fight it. How could I know what was about to happen? It turns out, crazy people will do crazy shit. Things a sane person wouldn't even consider possible.This was real life, not a james bond movie.   
\----  
Years ago, a coworker told me a story about how she blew her kid's mind by telling her time wasn't real. That was how it felt to sleep on morphine. Time was a wild and distant concept that had no place in reality. It was a fever dream. I didn't know what was real, and true. It was all so surreal that I could easily believe that I'd wake up in my bed with a big gray cat strapped to my chest like a bomb, and no Connor. No Hank. Nothing but the same old nothing that made the last year and a half run together in a blur of paperwork, suspects and endless insomnia induced infomercial binges with late night tv being my only companion to mark the passage of my life. Any minute now Tina would text me to tell me to come in early so she could gossip to me about whatever craft project her girlfriend had spread across their living room floor this week. 

Some part of my mind was firmly rooted in that reality. I could almost believe it if I didn't know exactly how Connor tasted. Blueberry and mint. Maybe if I'd never been with him I could have accepted that reality but I knew now, and I wanted to live forever in those arms. I didn't care about anything else. My family could accept him or they couldn't, but I'd chosen my lot. I wanted that life more desperately than I could remember wanting anything. 

Crazy people do crazy shit, like _buying scrubs_ and walking into hospital rooms to commit _murder_. 

"Wake up you dumb bitch I want to see your eyes." _Fucks sake. Really?_

That's the thing about horrifying realizations. They're fucking horrifying. If Linda was in this room right now, that meant Hank wasn't.

The first thing I registed when I opened my eyes was Linda's hair was jet black and she was wearing the ugliest highlighter green scrubs I'd ever seen. She looked like shit. _Fucking mental patient_. 

"Look at me! You did this to me." She hissed. The bruises around both her eyes made her look like a raccoon, and her nose would probably never be straight again _. I did that._ I deliberately flashed my teeth, giving a noncommittal shrug. _You deserved it._ She had a blackening bruise on the underside of her jaw where my boot had slammed into her shitty face and knocked her dumbass out. I lifted my chin in defiance. 

She was alone. Donovan wasn't here. Small mercies, I guess. I wanted to keep her talking but I couldn't exactly ask her anything. I needed to think. 

"Just wait till I _find_ that fucking android. I'm going to-" didn't she know better by now? I grabbed the front of her fugly costume and pulled her down as I sat up and landed a viscous headbutt to what was left of her nose. Blood sprayed from her mangled face. Pain screamed from my chest into every muscle in my body. Nausea hit my guts and twisted into a knot. The sound of her face cracking, a symphony. A masterful composition. As she stumbled backward, disoriented by the blow, I hit my call button and snatched my phone, speed dialing Connor. He didn't answer. _Fuck._

I prayed to whatever god was listening that I could hold onto conciousness. The room was blurring around the edges. I wasn't optimistic. She'd managed not to scream. As she closed the distance between us, I felt my body violently eject my soul. 

_I'm sorry, Connor_.

As Linda's face came back into focus the strangest look crossed her features. I had to wonder if it was normal for psychotic people to look scared before they killed someone. I'd always imagined they'd smile or something. She was practically on the bed with me, dripping blood everywhere, and she looked terrified. Then she was gone so abruptly I thought I'd dreamed the entire mountain of horseshit.

_No fucking way._

Connor had her by the neck like scruffing a puppy and was hauling her across the room. His face was not the mask of serenity but fury and revenge. This time she _did_ scream, kicking her legs out in a vain attempt to stop the momentum as she slammed into the glass window with a crash. The window shattered and she went through it, the glass exploding outward in a shower. I heard the sickening muffled thud of her body meeting the concrete 7 floors down. 

Connor spun back to me in a blur, his expression unreadable. "Gavin! Are you hurt?" I could tell he was scanning me. _He just threw Linda through a window and he's asking how I'm doing_. 

"Just gross." I signed, indicating the blood. "It's all hers."

\----

"You're not staying here." He said with finality, as Hank stepped through the door. 

"What'd I miss?" Anderson questioned as he moved deeper into the room. "I went to get food," he said, holding up a food tray. The lieutenant was going for casual. It didn't match the fire in his eyes or the horror in his features, but I gave him an A for effort. 

"Linda came for Gavin. I tracked her here. I thought I had to be mistaken until Gavin called. I almost didn't make it." 

"Well," Hank said. "She won't be killing anyone else." He ran a hand through his hair peeking his head out of the room. "You're clear. C'mon." He waived the nurse in. 

She stepped in carefully, taking a long appraising look at Connor before giving him a wide berth. I might've done the same in this scenario. Sitting down, dressed in his slacks and white button down, Connor was no more threatening than a dandelion. Looking as he did now, I couldn't begrudge any human showing deference. He stood in heavy boots, thick nylon utility pants, a fitted gray shirt and body armor. There was blood on his hands, and a gun at his back. He was tall, lean and sinuous. 

_Ladies and gentlemen, the famous deviant (hunter)._

I grinned at him as the small woman began her examination of my wounds. He pretended to be looking out the window but his expression gave him away. He was watching her like a hawk. "Everything looks as it should. We need to get you cleaned up and moved." She said thoughtfully, rubbing my hand. "Sorry, sweetie." She patted my knee. "I'm so glad you're okay."

If she offered me one more platitude I was going to puke in her lap. I shot Hank a withering glare. "You uh, have a morgue in this building, right?" Hank asked, pulling her attention away from poking me. 

"Yes. In the basement." She confirmed with a nod. 

"Alright, and your name is?" He said, all business. Thank god for Hank's ability read facial expressions. 

"Lena." She answered, looking perplexed. 

"Okay Lena, this is what I need from you. There's a body that need to be supervised. The Alexandria police chief is on his way here to oversee the collection of evidence. I need you to start moving every patient and nonessential people off this wing. It's about to get very busy around here."

"This room has already been processed, and I've overridden the hospital's discharge policy. Please bring Detective Reed's personal effects to the front lobby for pickup. We will meet you there in 45 minutes." Connor said kindly. He gestured to me. "If you don't mind, I would be grateful if you'd remove her IV line and catheter before you leave."

Lena looked like someone who'd been asked to work on their birthday. She stared at each of them in turn as I'd she was waiting for something obvious to click. After a minute when neither moved she sighed theatrically. "Get _out_." 

I barked a rough, broken laugh. "Right, catheter." Hank blushed and scuttled out, shutting the door. 

Connor smiled serenely. "I'm not leaving." He said, taking up the seat at my bedside. 

Lena looked at me with exasperation. "Is he always this difficult?" She huffed, setting to work on removing my IV. 

I felt the laughter in my chest. It ached silently. 

"Yes." Connor answered for me. "I am overprotective. I apologize, Lena." He said graciously. 

Nurse Lena gave a knowing smile. "I can hardly blame you. The uhm...woman from earlier. Is she the one who did this?" She asked, trying to be delicate. 

I winced as she pulled the small tube from my arm. 

"She did, yes." Connor's brow twitched in irritation. I reached out my now free hand to sooth him. I rubbed small circles over his arm.

"I'll never officially praise loss of life, no matter what they did," she chewed her lip a moment before locking eyes with me. "But, good for you." She gently pushed my bed down flat and moved to the end by my feet. She removed the clotting socks, then pulled the blanket down. 

"Ready for this?" She asked. I nodded, squeezing Connor's arm. She pulled the catheter and the pain was so sharp it felt like she was cutting me. A zombie-esque groan escaped me, my lip trembled. 

"All done." Lena said. "Sorry, Gavin." She stood, disposing of the tubing. "Good luck out there." She looked at me anxiously, then excused herself from the room. 

As soon as she was out I turned to Connor. He carefully lifted me off the bed, and carried me into the ensuite bathroom. It was larger than I would have imagined for a hospital room with a big walk in shower. "I can walk." I protested wearily. It came out a rough whisper, that tickled and irritated my throat. 

"I know." He said simply, pressing a kiss to my lips as he closed the door with his heel. Careful of my wound, he placed me on my feet. It felt strange, exhilarating and exhausting to stand. He turned on the shower, testing the water before turning to me. "Behave." He reminded me sternly. I rolled my eyes. 

Slowly he untied the gown and slid it off me. His fingers skated over my skin like mist over a glassy lake, so soft was the contact. He pressed a hungry kiss to my uninjured shoulder. Despite the injury. The blood. The deaths. I felt that kiss all the way to my core. It was a promise of catharsis in the wake of utter despair. It teased a reprieve from the unrelenting fear and frustration. The moment his lips touched my skin, all I wanted was to feel normal again. But he'd asked me to behave. I peeled the medical tape carefully off my chest and flinched when I saw the wound. It was smaller that it felt and the stitches held it together. It was heavily bruised. I discarded the bandage in the sink and stepped under the warm water. It felt so good I almost didn't hear the shuffling of Connor removing his own clothes. I didn't have time to question it, he stepped into the water with me and started gently washing my skin. He had a large blue bruise on his chest, hugging close to his shoulder. 

Tentatively I brushing my fingers over it as he went about his task. "I'm okay." He murmured. Carefully, I touched his perfect face, pulling his attention to me. A cascade of emotions washed over me, and I was so not ready to tread that deep water. 

I could compartmentalize the blood. The wounds. The insanity. I could dig a hole 12 feet deep in my soul and bury every ounce of unpleasantness. I had one less psycho gunning for me now thanks to him. I didn't care that I was shot. I didn't care that we were in my hospital room, or that the room was now technically a crime scene. We were here. He was here, bare body against mine. He was born giving. _Sacrificing_. The mark of that very sacrifice was under my lips as I pressed a soft kiss to it. His answering moan reverberated in the small room, filling the space with him like he was everywhere at once. What I couldn't do, was 'behave'. I had tried, truly. I wanted to be a good girl. But I wasn't. I carefully pulled his lips to mine. He could stop me if he really wanted to. He didn't resist.

"Will you ever do as your told?" He lamented into our kiss. I pushed my tongue into his mouth in answer, devouring the taste of him. He broke away from me, his mouth chasing the small rivers of water flowing down my body. It occurred to me he'd never done this before. He was on his knees before me, eyes lidded and wanting. He twirled his finger in the air. "Turn around, bend forward." Thank god for the metal rails in hospital showers. I complied, grabbing the railing with my left hand for support. Connor gently pushed my feet apart, widening my stance. "Don't move." He commanded. I focused all my energy on breathing.

_Jesus, are we really doing this here?_

My knees felt weak as his hands palmed my ass, lifting me up onto my toes. His tongue was in me, and running over my sex as he explored. 

_Fuck, okay. Yes. We're doing this here_.

I tried not to move. I tried to breathe. I tried to survive. He groaned appreciatively into the contact and I detonated, riding the waves of my orgasm I tried to lock my muscles in place. I kept my right arm curled and pressed against me. My breath came so hard it made my chest ache. I didn't care. I was alive and now I knew it. Really _knew_ it. Lazily he stood, snaking an arm under my hips to hold me up. "You're a bad influence, Gavin Reed." He complained, sheathing himself fully inside me with one smooth motion. I rolled my eyes, and my hips, pulling an enticing moan from him.

 _Whatever, robo-cop. Just fuck me_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 45 minutes, my ass. Sorry Lena!
> 
> We're getting pretty close to the end of this thing. I'm not 100% sure but I'm already toying with the idea of a part 2. I admit fully I'm making up most of this as it's written so I have really no idea how many chapters we've got left but I have a pretty good idea what I want resolved before it's over.


	18. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life  
> Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time  
> Hold still right before we crash 'cause we both know how this ends  
> A clock ticks 'til it breaks your glass and I drown in you again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been binging the vampire diaries, and yu yu hakusho, so this took longer than I anticipated. 
> 
> Shameless fluff ahead before we dive into the home stretch!

\----

When we'd pulled up outside the Bailey, my first thought was unkind. It was a large, opulent building with old style columns that looked more Greek than the plantation house it tried to be. Still. There was something to be said for having more money than god. At least we be comfortable while we figured out our next step. Technically, with the mistrial, there was nothing left for me to do, and so, I had no reason to stay in the south. I was ready to go home. Hank would have to drive home, which he was loathe to do except it would afford him some much needed time to recharge because he was a hermit that hated all things social. I wanted to fly so badly I was even willing to dip into the trust fund I normally made every effort to forget existed.

In the end, sitting in a room nicer than my entire house, we agreed. Hank would leave in the morning for Detroit. Connor and I would fly out tomorrow night. 

Me: _Thank you for the room, daddy. It's beautiful_.   
Papa Bear: _It's the least I could do darling. Are you well enough to be traveling? I could make arrangements here._  
Me: _Connor and I are eager to be home. I will be okay._  
Papa Bear: _you're very serious about this android, then?_  
Me: _yes, I think I am. I wish you didn't hate him._  
Papa Bear: _the feelings mutual, I think_. 

I rolled my eyes, sitting cross legged on the ridiculous bed. Connor lay with his head in my lap, eyes closed. I browsed my social media in between texts, freeing one of my hands to pull my fingers through his soft hair. 

Me: _none of this is his fault_.   
Papa Bear: _you could do worse, I suppose_.   
Me: _I HAVE_.   
Papa Bear: _that's true._

Hank was gone, and I was truly alone with the android for the first time ever. Strange that we'd become so important to each other before this moment happened. I didn't dwell on that. 

"You smell good." Connor purred contentedly. "Especially here." He poked my sex through my pajamas. 

I let out a quiet laugh. The morphine made me giddy, and tired. I yawned, placing my phone on the nightstand. 

"You should sleep." He observed, rolling away so I could lay down. I had questions. Now seemed like a good time to ask. "I've slept enough." I said quietly, even as he tucked the comforter around me. 

"This thing between us.. what _are_ we?" I wasn't anxious for a label, but I wanted to understand. 

This was a heavy question, I knew. He hesitated. "I was hoping you meant it when you said you wanted me forever, but Gavin if that's not what you want, I would _never_ try to force it."

I took a deep breath. I thought we'd covered this part already. Connor needing reassurance was so _human_. I brushed my fingers down his cheek, ignoring the pain. 

"I meant it." He visibly relaxed. "I'm just curious what you'd call it, I guess." I shrugged. Okay that hurt. _Note to self: no shrugging._

He propped himself up on an elbow, resting his head in his hand. His bruise was almost gone already. "I suppose I'm your _boyfriend_." He winked, smiling. Yeah, that made sense. All those dicks at the station were going to be pissed if they weren't already. I hadn't thought about that till now. I kept forgetting there was not only a video of us kissing on the news, it was on the internet too. The fangirls wanted my head. The racists did too. I nodded, trying to fit _Connor_ and _boyfriend_ together in my mind. 

"Markus and Simon want to meet you." He said warily, picking at a thread in the sheet that had come loose. 

Something fluttered in my stomach. I didn't know if I was ready to meet his ' _family_ ' and especially the android messiah. I looked at him dubiously. "Is that a good idea?" I asked, my head spinning a little. 

"Why not? Do you still hate androids?" He teased. _Har har, very funny_. I felt myself blush furiously. 

"N-no. But I did, and it's well known." I stuttered, trying to bring my anxiety to heel.

"Don't worry about that. They'll love you. You don't have to keep falling on that sword, y'know? We were all someone else 6 months ago. There are humans out there who did much worse, androids too." A shadow crossed his features for a moment, like he'd had an unpleasant thought. I could guess what turn he'd just taken. 

"I know, but I had my own free will then, and I still chose wrong." I said, "at least what you did wasn't your fault."

"It's not a contest, Gavin." He smiled sadly, scooting closer. He wrapped his arm carefully around me, nuzzling my face and neck. "Sleep, beautiful girl." He commanded.

He kissed my shoulder and I drifted happily into dreamless oblivion. 

In my life before Connor, I never slept. I wanted to. I tried. I had a whole medicine cabinet full of the proof that I'd tried. Whenever I slept, I was back there again, being cut open and bleeding, watching my blood saturate the dirt. In reality, it happened in my apartment. But my dreams always had me in a literal slaughterhouse. It was weird that I still ate meat, but I liked it too much to stop. Call me a hypocrite, that's fine. I wouldn't deny it. 

Our flight wasn't until 1am. It was somewhere around 6am when I'd fallen asleep again. Since leaving Detroit I'd spent a lot of time sleeping, not dreaming though. Almost never. In my heart I believed that somehow, this was Connor's influence in my life. 

A full 24 hours later and we still had no idea what had happened.

Connor was officially suspended with pay while IA looked into Linda's death. Jeff had been optimistic that they'd rule it a necessary use of force with special circumstances, namely, that the person he threw out a window was the person who'd shot me the day before. He'd also cited emotional distress, given the relationship we now had to conduct in the public eye. That part I was unhappy with. I didn't want to be a spokesperson for android acceptance. It felt obscene.   
\----  
I woke up to the sound of the small coffee machine in the room brewing. Connor's hair was wet and he was dressed in fresh clothes. He wore a fitted light blue dress shirt tucked into black slacks with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I think my heart actually skipped a beat. "I ordered you room service," he said sheepishly. "I thought you might be hungry when you woke up." 

I eyed the pill bottle on the nightstand. The pain was creeping up, but I didn't want to sleep more. I scowled at it. The worst part of sleeping as much as I had been was waking up too stiff and sore to move. 

"Let me help." Connor offered when I'd finally given up and decided to go ahead and die in the bed. He touched me like I was brittle glass. I sucked a hissing breath through my teeth. The only thing I hated more than the injury itself was needing help. I flushed in chagrin and pain. "So, you're my boyfriend, hmm?" 

He smiled serenely. "If you wish." He dug into my bag beside the bed a moment before coming up with my brush. I watched curiously as he made his way to me and carefully sat behind me. The bed didn't sink as far under his weight as it should have. More gently than I imagined he was capable, he began brushing through my thick mane. "The word is, _inadequate_ but it beats a long awkward conversation." 

"But you haven't asked me to be your girlfriend." I teased. I didn't need to see it to know his LED was yellow. 

"Do I _need_ to?" He asked casually, as if this was a foregone conclusion. In a way it was. Declared or not, anyone within 15 feet of us for more than 3 minutes would know. He was a hurricane to me. Beautiful, powerful, utterly destructive. I didn't know how to answer. I wanted him. The rest was details. Noise. Some part of me wanted to be given the choice formally even if it was just posturing for its own sake. 

Once I was throughly detangled he swept the thick curtain of hair aside with a sigh, pressing his perfect lips to my shoulder. "Gavin, I love you. Please be my girlfriend?" My heart stuttered in my chest. Did he hear this? Did he know how his voice made my skin tingle? When had I ever felt like this? _Never_. 

"I guess so." I giggled then squealed when he nipped my neck. "Yes,yes,yes! I love you too, Con." The sound he made in my ear was the single most _sinful_ thing I'd ever heard. I wished I could save it and make it his ringtone or something equally disgusting. Being this smitten was just plain gross. 

"I want you forever, okay?" I said as he slid off the bed, pulling me carefully to my feet. He cupped my face in both hands, tracing my bottom lip with his thumb. 

"Only forever?" He challenged, eyes bright with emotions so deep we could both drown right here and now. 

I quirked an eyebrow. "It's a start." I equivocated. The earth tilted on its axis and I swayed with it, feeling the rhythmic symmetry. There was an entire world of shit outside this room that we'd have to face. So much had happened. People were dead. There was a crazy person who wanted me dead too. There was an entire second movement. While I wasn't fool enough to think we'd started it, we gave shape to the chaos around us and there would be consequences. Something inside me shifted and I thought about all those other couples. I thought about Richard and his mom. They deserved happiness. Suddenly it was very important to me that they get it. That desire thrashed in my soul like a wild thing in a cage. I would fight so people like us didn't have to. 

He pressed his lips to mine and everything was obliterated and sharply defined all at once like an incendiary device detonating in my blood. I yielded as if I'd never even seen a suit of armor, as though I hadn't spent the last year and 6 months heaving around steel plated mistrust until it was nothing more that a feathered kiss on my bruised cheekbones. When he finally pulled away I felt that pull unwinding in my core, screaming to close the distance. 

"Food's here." He murmured just before there was a knock at the door. I took a moment to consider mutiny in all its splendor before stepping back and sitting in an overtly comfortable chair with a petulant scowl. 

Connor's trilling laugh made my heart expand. "I wonder," he said, hand on the door. "Are you always this cute when you don't get sex?" 

I snorted. "Just open the fucking door." I tried so hard not smile as the blush flash burned my face off.   
\----  
I'd managed to put down an entire 24oz steak and a liter of ginger ale, all the while fighting back the urge to pay for everything myself instead of charging it to my father's bill here. In the end, I didn't have the energy to have the "family money" conversation with dad again. 

It took some digging and grunting on my part but I fished my vape from another dimension inside my bag and refilled the juice before hitting it so hard it looked like I'd started a fire in my mouth. Something was tugging at the back of my mind. In truth, a periodic pang of anxiety would be normal in the current climate but this was more than that. I was missing something. 

"Where do you think he is?" I voiced my anxiety, giving strength to it. I tried not keep the quiver from my voice as I carefully sat down on the plush chair. 

Connor was dancing his coin over his knuckles as he considered my question. "Honestly? Right now I'm worried about getting you home, making sure you're safe, and then.." something violent flashed across his features. He paced, moving the quarter faster. 

"..and then?" I prompted, taking another hit. His eyes met mine with so much intensity I shrank back into my chair out of instinct. Become small.

"..and then I'm going to give Tyler Donovan my full attention." He said so softly I had to read the words on his lips. I swallowed reflexively. How could he be so scary and so hot at the same time? There was definitely something wrong with me for liking it. I didn't want to think about it. 

"Are you afraid of me?" He frowned, stepping closer. 

I sat up taller. "No." I lied. He tilted his head curiously, look dubious. "Are you going to kill him?" I asked without thinking. 

"Only if he leaves me no other choice." He shrugged, crossing the distance and squatting in front of my seat. He placed his hands on my legs. "I want you safe. That's my priority. If I can arrest him, I'd rather do that." I laid my hands over his, taking a deep breath. 

"What if I said I don't want you anywhere near him?" I lifted a challenging eyebrow. 

Connor chuckled. "I would tell you not to worry."

I snorted. I thought he knew me. "Not remotely a possibility, tinman. Next suggestion. " I shook my head.

"What are you worried about, specifically?" He asked, stroking his fingers up and down my legs. The touch made my thighs tingle. 

I took a deep breath to steady myself. "You want the list?"

He dropped his forehead on my knee in exasperation. "There's a list?" He sounded half amused.

I threaded my fingers through his hair for a few moments, listening to him hum appreciatively. "No, not really. I'm just afraid you'll..." I couldn't say the word. I couldn't plant that doubt in his head. I felt a bottomless trench of fear open in my soul.

"You realize I'm-" 

"The most advanced prototype ever blah blah. Yes. I know." I sighed. "You're not indestructible, Con, and I.." _would die without you_. I didn't finish. Today was becoming a day for me to fail entirely at expressing myself. "Fuck." I hissed in a pique, covering my face with my hands. 

"Gavin." I ignored him, sinking deeper into my chair. Once again the android was between my knees on the floor and I couldn't help but draw parallels to the night in my house when all this started.

He pushed my legs further apart. I offered no resistance or encouragement. I ignored the gentle pressure of him pulling my hands from my face. I was being childish, I knew that. "Detective Reed, if you continue to pout you will force me to resort to something drastic."

"Yeah, like what?" I barked in irritation. 

Suddenly I was moving, without my wound be jostled in the slightest. I yelped in surprise as he laid me down on the center of bed and crawled above me. "You are being difficult." He accused, nuzzling my neck.

"Force of habit." I mumbled, fighting a losing battle with my body. It sang at the contact even as my mind tried to build a barrier between us. "I don't know how to do this, Connor." I had a million things I wanted to say and at least half were shitty. The parallels brought everything back full circle to crash against every nerve in my body. I was starting to think I should have given more credence to the psychiatrist I'd seen as a teen. I settled for wrapping my legs around his hips. 

"I don't either." He admitted, brows furrowed. "We will learn this together, Gavin." He pressed a soft kiss to my lips. He wanted me. The me I was, and the me I was _becoming_. He wanted to explore his humanity with me. It hit me again how much he'd gambled on me, and I was humbled. He was the titan who loved a mortal. Come hell or high water, I was determined to be worthy. 

"Together." I agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you in a few days!


	19. Hold your hands up high, my love I'll see you by and by

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh we are what we are when we're praying  
> In our own way of seeking some light  
> May the mission bell still ring  
> Of the colourful dreams  
> In the faith that everyone will be treated right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end is nigh! 1 more to go 😮 we've got a time jump and some loose ends get tied. We're moving into the final conflict and setting up some things for part 2.

\----

My first month back in Detroit I spent a solid 3rd of my time in mandated trauma therapy and the other 3/4ths thinking therapy was an utter fucking waste of time because it didn't actually help anything. I was still barely sleeping. On the nights Connor wasn't here, I'd pace the living room of my house, waiting for Tyler to kick in my front door. Connor was cleared by internal affairs quickly, since the city didn't want it to get out that one of their own had tried to kill me so they pulled the right strings, the marionettes danced and everything was quietly swept under the proverbial rug. Since our resident android detective was partners with Anderson, and the android task force Jeff forced Hank to assemble was on call 24/7, I was alone most of the time, if you didn't count whichever unfortunate soul that had to sit on my house at night. Chris and Tina volunteered whenever they could, though I hated having them between me and whatever moved in the dark.

The physical therapist they assigned to me was the devil in human form. He wanted to make me suffer in the name of "range of motion". 

"What are you looking at?" I snapped at Omen, who was counter surfing like a fluffy dickhead, watching me pour a tumbler of bourbon. He slow blinked in mock sympathy. _Judgy bastard._ "I had physio today, what do you want?" I was talking to a cat. His tail swished in wide arcs. I took a mouthful of burning amber liquid and made an ugly face at the feline. "You suck." I told him, pointing a finger at him. He chirped happily. 

"Yeah yeah." I padded into the living room and took a seat on my couch, Omen trotting along behind me. My tv had a voice interface but I didn't use it. I honestly couldn't remember what the shows sounded like anymore. I watched everything on mute with the closed captions on so I could still hear the room around me. I checked the gun under the coffee table and then, finally satisfied, turned on the news with the remote. 

Android crimes were on the rise, and there had been a massive push to legalize "interspecies marriage", followed by a massive counter push calling it "unnatural". Some folks were vehemently opposed to such unions, and we were barely able to charge the violence as hate crimes. More aggravating than that, Markus wanted Connor and I to come with him to Washington in a few months to meet Warren's people and help him apply pressure. Here I'd hoped we could just hand over the whole thing to him. I'd agreed to go in the end, because every time Connor went somewhere, some asshole would hassle him about me, and I desperately wanted to knock their dicks in the dirt. 

I froze as the door unlocked. The sound was like a shotgun in my ears. I willed myself to breathe. Connor stepped through, locking it again as he closed it. He looked so damn _pretty_. "Hey, you." I said, taking a burning gulp of fire water. Looked like tonight I'd be getting some sleep. 

"You should have been asleep hours ago." He admonished, crossing the room with a frown. He sat next to me and immediately Omen was on his lap, demanding his attention. I gave him my best saccharine smile. "Sleep is for pussies." I muttered. He scratched all Omen's favorite spots. 

"I sent Miller home." He said, changing the subject. "How was physical therapy?" He asked, gently pushing Omen off his legs. The cat went unwillingly, and looked back at the android with contempt once all four paws were on the tile.

I took another sip. It burned less. I felt fuzzy. "It was a literal pain in my ass." I sighed. 

Connor snorted, flashing a wide grin like a big weirdo. He leaned over until I caught him, pressing against his head to keep him from falling completely into my lap.

"No." I hissed, giggling. I tried and failed to lift him back into a seated position. I could only hold him at this level. "Get the fuck off me." I complained. 

He turned over, pulling me by my knees, he dragged me under him. I fought to keep my tumbler level. "Make me." He purred, running his hand up my thigh, my side and my arm that I held over my head in a bid to keep my alcohol. 

I struggled half heartedly, and for a moment considered dumping it over our heads with my mouth open just so I could claim victory. Deciding I'd rather not have it in my eyes as well I simply held it until his hand claimed it and removed it from my grasp. In my head, I had a moment of silence for my drink. "Now you're a pain in my ass too." I said faintly. Every breath between us brought a friction I was hyper aware of. 

In the dark living room, lit dimly by the tv on mute, he pressed his full weight over me on my couch, and his lips met mine a glorious crash of teeth and tongue. We didn't 'officially' live together. Most nights he was at Hank's. Tonight he wasn't on call. "I endeavor to be much more than that, detective." His voice was huskier. I didn't know if it was intentional or another ghost in his program that mimicked the nuances of humanity but it made me ache. 

His promise to chase down Donovan had bore no fruit, speaking of ghosts. I knew it was frustrating for Connor to be evaded, but a small part of me was grateful the two had never met. Deep down I knew that couldn't last forever, but a girl could dream.

"You're only the focal point of my fucking existence." I said it like an insult so I could bear to say it at all. In truth I couldn't stomach the words, but I'd found a way to. My loophole to expressing my unrelenting, wretched love was to make it venomous. Connor adapted as he did, finding quickly he enjoyed my method and took pleasure in bending my stubborn will to his. He was so different, especially now that his LED was gone. I had protested that choice but in the end, he had decided that it lowered his chances of being recognized and since there were people who were willing to jump androids on sight it would make it easier overall. I knew it was more personal than that, but never pressed the issue. Once it clattered into the sink and his skin covered where it had been, any argument from me was moot. I chose for once to pick my battles, and I let it go. 

He growled, shifting his weight to grind against me. 

I pulled at his shirt while he devoured me, until I heard it tear beneath my fingers. He pulled away, eyes glowing in the dark. It was like looking across an endless chasm of passion and pain. Emotions so deep the bottom had to be miles away and those black depths were terrifying. Most people weren't even this deep. I knew however, how it felt to carry the weight of feelings that powerful around everywhere. 

"Gavin..." he looked afraid. I cupped his face in my hands, swallowing my own fear down into my stomach even as it suddenly felt shallow. There were tears in his eyes. 

_So fucking alive_.

He dipped his head, pressing his forehead against mine. I felt tears pat gently onto my cheeks. 

"I can't imagine my life without you. I can't marry you, but I want to, and I need to know if you would? Would you tie yourself to me?" His body vibrated above mine as something desperately squeezed my heart. 

The words wormed their way onto my tongue and built a platform for everything I didn't want to say. My stomach felt too small to hold them. Dear god, I was going to say something syrupy. How was this even a question? His mouth was so close to mine. "Yes, I would." I acquiesced, pulling him into a heated kiss. He returned my enthusiasm, half sobbing. Tears sprang from my eyes, a choked moan escaping my constricted throat. 

"One day, I'll be able to ask you again." He said solemnly, pressing a kiss to my throat. 

I didn't let myself think about anything else the rest of the night. I let Connor tear into me like I was his salvation, and then I slept deeply enough to miss being moved to my bed, and when Connor left in the morning. I dreamt about hanging lanterns, vines of jasmine and the smell of mint and blueberries. By the time I woke up it was mid afternoon, and I was sore enough to come within a mile of being sorry for the night before. 

\----  
"You've been on quite an adventure, Gavin Reed." Tina said, popping open another beer. "I can't wrap my head around more than half this shit. Have you talked to your family since you've been back?" She took a long sip. 

I peeled the metal top off my own beer, immediately taking a drink. "Sparingly, I don't feel like they need a play by play." I said, plopping down beside her on the couch. "I can't wrap my head around it either and it fucking happened to me." I shook my head, propping my feet on the coffee table. 

"And Connor? I've got the basics, but what is the deal with you? He's...very different, now." She asked, tossing her cap onto the table. "Not in a bad way," she said quickly, blushing. "He just seems so... _real_." she shrugged helplessly. 

"He's alive, Tina." I alternated my beer with my vape, pulling a deep hit. I knew she didn't mean any harm. "I can't explain it. The words literally fucking escape me. 7 months ago I had a wall between me and him. I didn't realize he'd been chipping away at it." I threw her a lifeline, offering an understanding smile. 

Her face darkened, lips thinning before she took a large gulp. I knew that face. "What thought just crossed that twisted mind of yours?" I poked. 

Tina nearly turned purple for a moment. "So he's what, your boyfriend?" She turned her body towards me. 

"Yeah." I shrugged, taking a drink. 

"So you've had sex?" She asked, her face openly curious. 

I nearly spit beer all over myself. Fucking hell, of course she'd ask me about this. "Frequently." I deadpanned. 

She squealed, kicking her feet. "What's that like?"

I sighed. "I know you bat for the other team but you should know how sex works." I could feel my brow twitching. I took a deep hit of my vape, then a gulp of beer. I resisted the urge to smack her on the back of her irritating head. 

She hooted, laughing at my obvious discomfort as Chris walked through the front door with grocery bags. "I leave you alone for an hour and you ask the sex question."

He wandered into kitchen, martyrdom and chagrin on his features as he went. 

We carried on much the same way that night, and any night they were there to guard me. Drinking, eating, and talking, trying to get Chris to rage-quit.   
\----  
"I brought Chinese." Captain Jeffrey Fowler stood over me with a suspiciously large paper bag tucked under one arm. 

I kept counting, toes shoved under the lip of the couch. I had a daily goal for how many sit ups I could do and I hadn't reached it yet. "Table." I said through my measured breaths, pulling myself up again. He complied, sitting on the arm. 

"Connor came to see me this morning." He said carefully, watching me with concern and interest. 

"And?" I wasn't in a position to carry on a full conversation but if he wanted to have one I didn't have much choice. At least he had enough social grace to grease the wheels. He's read the reports already. I didn't know what more he needed from me at the moment.

"He came in to quote the DCPD policy on fraternization and then asked me point blank if this," he gestured. "Was going to be a problem." He chuckled. "Kid's got balls, I'll give him that." 

He had no idea how right he was. I grunted, pushing myself harder.

"It's fine, you just can't partner up, but you knew that already, and if you're ever a witness again he can't be on your detail." He crossed his arms. "How are you holding up? You should be cleared for duty within the week."

I let myself collapse onto my back. How was I doing? That's a loaded fucking question. "I'm good, Cap. Just ready." Ready to break someone's jaw. Ready to slam my head into a wall. Ready to get blackout drunk and fuck Connor. The pain in my shoulder was singing. I took Jeff's offered hand and let him pull me to my feet. I sprang up quickly. I kept myself lean, not that anyone could tell under my loose fashion sense. 

"Android rights. Never thought I'd see the day, and you of all people are their biggest defender." He mused, smiling for once. 

"This isn't the sort of thing people imagine ahead of time. It would've been like trying to imagine that one day the refrigerator had feelings. They're people Cap. They remained obedient because their programming literally chained them to the commands." I paced, "leave it to human beings to reinvent slavery. You can't tell me that doesn't bother you."

He frowned a moment, following me with severe eyes. "Of course it does. If you're wondering why they're looking to you and Connor to move them forward, this is it."

"I don't follow." I said, stalking into the open kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. 

"There's a lot of racists in this town and you were one of the worst ones." He checked his phone, then tucked it back into his pocket. To me this was exactly why I wasn't qualified to speak on their behalf. 

"My point exactly. What the fuck do I know about civil rights?" I hissed. 

"You're not exactly white." He rolled his eyes. "Moreover, you realized you were wrong. You changed. You're shacking up with Connor, who's basically a war hero now. If you can change your mind, you can change the minds around you." 

I shook my head, moving to the pull up bar in the doorway. I looked up at it with disdain. "I don't want to be a goddamn savior, not for this. Not for fucking robo-cop." I did want change. I wanted it more than anything. I was just a cop. What could I do to cement the rights the androids so desperately needed? I hopped up, getting a firm grip in both hands. I ignored the pain than shot through me as I lifted myself.

Jeff came to lean on the wall. "It's more that that and you know it." He must have read the pain on my face. "You should take it easy, Reed."

I snarled, letting go of the bar with my right hand and grabbing my left wrist instead. I glared into Jeff's eyes as I continued, one handed. 

He straightened, lifting his hands in surrender. "Christ, you're a terrifying woman. You know that?"

I dropped back to my feet. I was being a dickhead again, I knew that. Everyone and their fucking mother knew now this was so much more to me than simply sex with Connor but I couldn't stop myself from downplaying the relationship with hostility anyway. It was too hard to be open and vulnerable. "I'm not without reason, Cap." 

Nodding, he handed me a towel from the counter. "I know that. We all do, and you need to focus that anger into an outlet, I get it. You'd be surprised." He sighed.

"Yeah. This house is driving me crazy, I guess. I need to get out." I admitted. It wasn't an apology but it was close, and Jeff knew that. I wiped my face, luxuriating in the rough texture. "Can I come back to work or what?" At some point, medical leave was going to do me more harm than good. 

"I can see you're ready physically, but you have two therapists that need to sign release forms. Sit tight kid. It won't be long now." He assured me, giving a small smile. 

I was ready to go back to work. "What about Donovan?" I asked, sitting on the couch. 

"FEDS are looking for him. You think he's fool enough to come here?" Jeff looked incredulous as he took a seat and the broken chair he'd chosen swallowed another victim. 

"Tyler Donovan is a lot of things. A fool is not one of them. He is fucking crazy, though, and vengeful. He's coming cap, if he's not already here." I took a sip of water. "What do you think one or two uni's outside is going to do besides get them killed?" I leveled my gaze on him. "I don't want that on my soul. He'll come and I'll handle it." I said, determined.

"And what if you _don't_ handle it?"

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Then I _die_."

Jeff was already shaking his head. "They've had training Gavin, they're not defenseless. Besides I can't leave you here unguarded."

"Against someone with his background they're as helpless as newborns. I've had nearly the same training he has. I stand a better chance on my own." I pressed.

He looked at me, shocked. His mouth was open. "You _have_?" This wasn't in my file.

"My dad paid for a private instructor when I was a kid. I wanted to join the marine corps since I was 6. I planned on the N7 sniper division. Y'know those militant nut jobs? Think prepper compound in Wyoming full of dudes who could kill somebody with a spoon and you're not far off the mark." I shrugged. "I've had combat and weapons training since I was a child." I knew it wasn't 'normal'. "There's at least 6 ways I could kill you just with what we have in front of us. If I'm capable of all that, imagine what he could do. Those guys outside would never even know they'd been attacked." _Please understand this. Please hear me._ I knew it would be hard to grasp, swallow and process. If there was anything I could do to prevent anyone else from dying, I had to do it, right? 

"Gavin." He sighed, scrubbing both eyes with the heels of his hands. "I understand the attraction now." He grinned, looking as surprised by his words as I felt.

"Pardon?" I paused my hand halfway into the bag. 

"You and Connor. It makes sense." 

"Thanks, I think." I laughed. 

"I'm not leaving you without a guard, even if you are a complete badass." He said finally. His tone was authoritative and brokered no argument. 

"Fine, don't listen to me." I crossed my arms with a huff.  
\----  
I was ass deep in androids, and I'd rather be sodomized with a brillo pad. That was the general sentiment when Connor came through the door with Markus, Simon, North and Josh. The guys were all nice, but the chick...I had a few ugly words for her. 

"Gavin, it's a pleasure to finally meet you!" Markus exclaimed, and wrapped me in a hug without preamble. 

I returned the gesture with an awkward laugh. "The pleasure is mine." I said. He was beautiful. Unique. Connor had said they were brothers. I supposed that their both being RK units was the closest they could get to familial bonds. I was surprised at myself for having expected a resemblance. 

"That means you're Simon?" I turned to the blond PL model with the bright blue eyes and kind features. 

"Indeed. A pleasure." He inclined his head warmly. 

Connor stepped up behind me, his fingertips rubbing soothing circles at the small of my back. "And these are Josh, and North." For some reason I felt like I was meeting a coven of Vampires. I couldn't help but think of them that way. None had their LED's anymore. 

Josh was tall too, dark, and cautious. North was even less relaxed, arms crossed, looking just shy of contemptuous. 

"My family." Connor announced proudly. 

"If you don't mind we will jump straight to business. I understand you've agreed to lend your insight at our next meeting with the president." Markus said, as we all moved into the house. 

Simon was giving Connor a small indulgent smile, like a parent to a child. Every time these small things would hit me like a falling brick and bring it all home again that they were alive. It was fascinating, intimate and insightful. Also terrifying. We'd created these beings, and we were responsible for their wellbeing. Not a charge many humans were happy with. I hated that human nature was violent in the face of differences. 

Once I got everyone settled we began a discussion I was in no way ready for. My role in the revolution as it stood today. Not everyone present felt as enthusiastic as Markus, and she let it be known when I excused myself to the bathroom. Gotta love the acoustics on this tile. 

"She pulled her gun on Connor. Am I the only one who remembers that?" North complained. "I don't trust her."

I smiled curiously, sashaying slowly down the hall. "I point my gun at a lot of people. It's a personality flaw." I tutted, trying not to laugh. 

"It's not personal, Detective." She said, leaning forward with an expression that screamed "DUH". 

"Yes it is." I challenged, showing my teeth in a grimace. "I know what I am and what I've done."

"North don't-" "you have no clue what it's like for us."  
Everyone was talking at once. I walked to the kitchen and popped open a beer, taking a big gulp. _Shit_.

Something inside me burned. I couldn't swallow enough beer to put it out. "Do I not?" I tilted my head in mock confusion as I hopped up and took a seat on the bar a few feet behind the couch. Everyone had to turn to see me. 

Josh looked neutral, Simon was smiling but ducking behind Markus who's face was serious, but intrigued. 

Connor moved to stand beside my post. "Gavin." He said my name warily. 

I blew out a deep breath. "Well shit. I guess you're right. I wouldn't know what it feels like to be beaten within an inch of my fucking life. I wouldn't know how it feels to be stabbed, or shot, or raped. Because humans never do horrible shit to other humans."

I leveled my gaze at the other woman. "This is going to shock you, but androids don't have a monopoly on suffering. You don't think I should speak for you, fair enough. For what it's worth, I _agree_. But what I want doesn't matter. I'll do this because it's fucking right."

She looked at me, speechless, her mouth making a perfect O.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll stay here, if you stay. Because the best thing you can do for your people is shut the fuck up." I saluted her with my beer, before taking a large sip. Beside me, Connor's shoulders shook with silent laughter. 

"Damn girl. I like you." Josh said, giving North an apologetic smile. 

"I could tear you to pieces." She snapped, coming to her feet quickly. 

Everyone except me was on their feet in an instant. 

I laughed. "He could." I indicated Connor. "He could." I inclined my head to Markus. "But you? Not a chance in hell." I fished out my vape, taking a hit and blowing the smoke in her direction. "So, do you want to play the quiet game, or not?"

She threw her head back and laughed. The room visibly relaxed. Connor squeezed my thigh, leaning over, he planted a small kiss on my lips. "You talk too much." He accused, softly. I wasn't dumb enough to think the others couldn't hear him. I leaned up, capturing his lips again. "I love you." I whispered instead of responding. 

"You really do, don't you." North said quietly. For the first time, her arms were at her sides and she looked sad. 

"Yes I do." I replied stiffly. Markus moved around the couch to stand in front of me. 

"That passion is why I want your help." He turned to Connor. "You've chosen well." 

"I have." Connor said proudly, his eyes bright. 

I wanted to go hide in the bathroom till they were gone. Overall, everyone was pleasant, but I was not at ease. There was a level of comfort in silence for them, even long silences. Those moments would stretch on without anyone moving, or needing anything. It was surreal. 

_Fucking vampires_.

I said at much to Connor once they were gone. He laughed.

"Strange to see how the other half lives?" He teased as I opened my 4th beer. Strange was not the word. 

I rolled my eyes, pulling my shirt over my head with a wince of pain. "That's a word. Fucking bizarre." I threw it unceremoniously to the floor. "Vampires." I laughed.

"Does that make you a little wolf?" He asked, picking up my shirt and taking it to the laundry basket in the bathroom. I scowled at him when he returned. He shrugged, giving me a 'deal with it' face. 

He stepped over to me and squatted down, pulling my pants down and grabbing my legs he threw me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing and stood. 

Carefully I reached over, placing my beer on the counter. As soon as the glass hit the granite he swatted my ass, making me yelp in surprise. "Let me go, Dracula." I laughed.

" _Never_ , my little wolf." He swatted me again, carrying me towards the bedroom.   
\----  
"Gavin Reed. Been a while. Thought you were too good for the likes of us." Larry said from behind the bar. Wilson's was the neighborhood dive. The kind of bar that made you feel like you needed penicillin just to walk into. It was a dark, sticky hole in the wall. Larry Wilson, the owner was a small man who looked so much like Danny Trejo I had to remind myself not to call him that every time I addressed him by name. 

The rain beat against the building so hard I couldn't hear myself think. Not that I could've heard anything on karaoke night anyway. The usual kids from applebees had wandered in and were currently murdering free bird. They came here Wednesday nights after their shift to blow off steam. I even knew a couple of them, after a fashion. 

"You know I love a good dumpster fire." I inclined my head to the space behind the pool table where Charlie was basically eating the mic. 

Larry laughed heartily. "Tequila?" He asked. 

I nodded emphatically, "Double, please." I was so elated to be out of my house and back in my haunt I thought I might explode. Wild energy coursed through me, singing in my nerves. 

Larry placed a napkin and my drink in front of me, then salt, a lime and a small knife on a plate. I grinned like he'd laid out a feast. "You're so good to me." 

He returned my enthusiasm. "Always, doll. Where have you been?" He asked, leaning on his elbows. 

"Had some business in Alexandria." I answered, rolling my eyes for effect. Larry knew I was what he called "secretly southern", and he knew not to ask. He figured I was running from something, same as everyone else. He was right, and had the good sense to leave it where it lie. 

"It's good to have you back. The place gets rowdy without you." He teased. 

I didn't doubt that in the slightest. "You've had trouble?" I took my shots, and failed to keep the burn from my face. "Shit, grab me a beer would ya?"

Larry chortled. "Platinum?" I don't know why he asked when he already knew the answer and was placing it down in front of me. 

"Thanks." I said, taking a long drink. 

"There's been a guy coming around asking about you. Big fella, looks military. Know anyone like that?"

I spit my drink all over myself and the bar. 

" _Fuck_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be taking a hiatus from this before I start All The Kings Men. I need to make sure I have it clearly in mind before I write anything, and it will probably not be in 1st person as that's not a style I'm strong in. I will see ya'll soon with the final chapter!


	20. My Way Home Is Through You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling the way that I'm feeling myself  
> Fuck everyone else  
> Gotta remember that nobody is better than anyone else, here  
> (Do you need some time to think it over?)  
> Look what they do to you  
> Look what they do to me  
> Must be joking if you think that either one is free, here  
> Get up off your knees, girl  
> Stand face to face with your God  
> And find out what you want  
> (Hello, my name is human)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one! Here's your reminder to MIND THE TAGS. It gets dicey, yo. We're setting up for some crazy good shit. I'm so happy to have had this experience with y'all and I can't wait to start working on part 2!

\----

"There's been a guy coming around asking about you. Big fella, looks military. Know anyone like that?"

I spit my drink all over myself and the bar. 

"Fuck, shit sorry!" My stomach bottomed out, I jumped off my stool. Larry was coming around the bar with a towel.

"Jesus, you're pale, what's happening Gav?" He looked as horrified as I felt. I held my finger up, asking for a moment while I tried to remember how to breathe. Larry was wiping the floor as I ripped my phone out of my pocket. It felt like I was inhaling fire. Donovan had been here. I needed to ask when. I needed more information but I couldn't find my voice. My thoughts scattered into the universe never to return. 

**Me** : _Need backup, Wilson's bar_.  
**Tinman** : _I'm coming. Don't move._

 _Sure Con, I thought I might go fuck off into the wild blue yonder._ I turned to Larry.

"When?" I choked out. His eyes were the size of dinner plates. 

"This morning." He blurted. Jesus fucking christ, this morning. I nodded, feeling the need to put my head between my knees. I took a moment to bring my breathing to heel. I just had to sit tight. Backup was coming. Connor was coming. I needed to clean myself up. 

"Hang out a minute, Lare. My people are coming to get a statement, you good with that?" I wasn't really asking. 

He nodded emphatically. "Of course. Anything you need."

"Thanks man. I'm going to the bathroom. I'm covered in beer." I patted his shoulder. Behind the pool table, Charlie and Sam decided to duet Bohemian Rhapsody. 

I stalked past them through the lounge area with the creaky red leather booths to the ladies room. I didn't look at them, or look back at Larry. My heart was stuttering. 

I threw open the door and whipped inside, engaging the deadbolt. I let my head rest against the door a moment. Panicking won't help. I dragged a few wobbling breaths past my teeth. 

I ran the water in the sink as hot as I could stand it and washed my arms up to each of my elbows, then scrubbed my face. In my mind I stripped and reassembled my hellcat a few times. I focused on repetition and touch to ground myself. I was here, the water on my skin was real. Nothing was happening. 

A loud knock at the door made me jump and scream. I nearly tripped into the wall.

"Gavin!" Connor's voice came through the door. I practically clawed it open and leapt into the android's arms. The relief was overwhelming as he caught me and held me against him. I wrapped my legs around him as his arms encircled me. "Connor." My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could feel it in his chest. 

Hank was ushering everyone out with Larry's help. Outside, Chris and Tina were making sure nobody else came in. 

The room came rushing back into sharp focus, and chagrin blazed wild and hot in my chest. "I may have overreacted." I said, voice muffled into Connor's vest. 

I could feel him relax as his demeanor shifted to something more comforting. "Maybe, but honestly, _fuck_ anyone who has a problem with it." He hugged me tighter to him and I knew he'd have no objection if I wanted to cling like a bush baby to his chest the rest of the night. I laughed at him dropping the F bomb, and carefully disengaged. He sighed but allowed me to get back on my feet. 

"Sorry." Was all I could say as I approached Hank and Larry with Connor at my back. The men smiled at me, eyes conciliatory. "Why don't you take her home, I'll catch up with you later." Hank said with a nod towards the door. 

I must have looked worried. Hank stepped up, dropping a heavy hand on my good shoulder. "I got this. Go relax, get your equilibrium back. I'll let you know what I find out." I found myself oddly comforted, and unusually willing to comply. I felt sudden hope that now I could count him among my friends in spite of myself. "Thanks, Hank." I said with a shy smile.

"Feel better, Gav." Larry said as I passed him. The sentiment wasn't quite right, but I thanked him anyway and moved out the door to my car with Connor on my heels.

"Chris and Tina are going to patrol the block for a bit. Once they're stationary again I'm going to go find him and end this." Connor's voice was ice cold, and made bile rise into my throat, scorching me. 

"I'd rather you didn't." I admitted, as I began to worry the tremor in my hand was permanent. 

He regarded me warily from the driver seat as he pulled into my garage. "Why?" 

"Because he's dangerous." I sighed, fighting back tears.

Connor snorted, putting the car in park. He jumped out of his side and came quickly to mine, pulling me into his arms. "There is nothing more dangerous on this earth than me." Several different kinds of high caliber weapons and atomic bombs came to mind but I pressed my lips together and scowled. He pressed his lips to my forehead, his scent swirling in the air around me. 

"If the cost of making you safe is my life, it is acceptable." He said softly, and the words ripped my heart out. I took a shuddering breath, hot tears spilling over. 

"Not to me!" I shouted, slamming my fist into his chest. "Nobody is fucking trading their life for mine! Especially not you." I planned to say more but he cut me off, crushing his lips to mine.

"They're here. Go inside." He commanded. 

My heart leapt into my throat. "Wait." I tried to hold onto him as he pulled away. 

" _Now, detective_." He pulled away, pointing to door. His voice was thunder in my chest, the double timbre returning. Terror twisted like a knife in my gut. 

I turned and moved sluggishly into the house, looking back at home one last time. What if I never saw him again? His eyes softened. "I'll be back, baby." He promised with a boyish grin.

How did he know? Maybe he wouldn't. He turned abruptly, stalking out of the garage and closing the door. It felt like watching a cell door close. I was caged again, while the people I loved were in danger. It was too much to bear. We were cops. Every single time we left home we knew we might never come back. It was part of the job. 

How could I have known what was coming for all of us?

I stalked into the house without bothering to hit any lights. I made a beeline for the fridge, cracking open a beer and chugging half of it before I slammed it onto the counter. 

_Excellent coping mechanism, Reed. Does Connor know you're a lush?_

I rolled my eyes at myself and chugged the other half, tossing the bottle into the sink, knowing it would annoy Connor when he came back. Served him right, the big jerk.

I stared at the front door contemptuously. Connor was out there. Tina, Chris, Hank. My family. My hand twitched. I took a half step towards the door and halted. I needed to relax. I moved into the living room, checking under the coffee table. The .38 special was still in place. I went to my room, opening the floor safe. My hellcat and ammunition sat inside. 

I refilled Omen's food and water, thinking nothing of it when the rotund beast didn't come running. Instead I laid out comfy pajamas and grabbed a clean towel from the hall linen closet. 

In the interest of relaxing, I lit the pumpkin candle, then the cinnamon candle, turning on the water in the tub to the right temperature. 

Checking the window in the front I could see Chris and Tina sitting in the car outside. They were okay. Maybe everything would be okay. I needed to keep that thought squarely in the front of my brain. 

I padded back to the bathroom, adding epsom salts to the water. 

As I stripped my beer flavored clothing off, I tried to imagine where we would be on the other side of this. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Connor's number.

"Gavin?" His voice was strained, curious.

I put him on speaker as I removed the rest of my clothing. "I was thinking. All those times you proposed to me, did you mean them?" I asked. I needed to know where he saw this going. What did the future look like to Connor.

He didn't hesitate. "Every one. You accepted more than half. I'd like to think I stand a pretty good chance of actually being your husband someday. As long as that's what you want, as long as you'll have me."

I smiled so big it hurt my face a little. I needed to hear those words so much. Before now I'd never allowed myself to imagine us that way. I'd never been the girl who wanted marriage. I still didn't really, but being tied to Connor seemed like a pretty good consolation prize if I had to go through the whole ceremony and fanfare. 

"I want to be your wife." I whispered, afraid speaking louder would shatter the words entirely. I could hear his breath catch over the line. I has said yes before, but not in any substantial way. I allowed myself to speak over the mile wide chasm that normally separated me from my real feelings. 

He was never intended to do anything but belong to someone, and I wanted more than anything to belong to _him_.

"And so you shall be. I'll see you soon, beautiful girl." I could hear his face splitting grin. It made me grin too. 

"Hurry." I said seductively, "I love you."

"Only forever, my little wolf." He hung up with a soft click. I fought back the urge to squeal the way Tina usually did when she was excited. I could only imagine what decibels she would reach when she learned what I'd just done. I laughed to myself, thinking it might be wise to wear ear plugs that day. 

I put my phone down on the table beside the tub and switched off the water. The sudden silence was deafening. I pushed my discomfort aside and stepped into the hot water. It swallowed me as eagerly as I slid down into it. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to enjoy thoughts of the future I'd finally chosen for myself.

"Alexa, play Sigma." I said into the intolerable silence. Alexa came to life immediately, "Find Me" began to echo in the bathroom. The sound and the smell of the candles, everything was almost perfect. Soon Connor would come back and I would spend the rest of the night worshipping him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, dangerously close to feeling peace for the first time.

A powerful hand seized my throat and pushed. Water rushed in and over my face. The salt burned my eyes as I instinctively opened them, looking for what I already knew. I tried first to grasp the edge of the tub to pull myself up. My body didn't budge under the weight. I clawed at his wrists, then at his face. His smiling, giddy face. Now this was the look I'd been expecting when Linda came to kill me in the hospital. Psychotic glee. 

I kicked my legs, aiming for his head. Nothing was connecting. He pressed me down so hard I thought he was going to break my neck. I tried desperately to breath in through my nose, my logical brain too slow to stop the reaction and immediately felt the white hot burn of salt water flooding my lungs. Nothing had ever hurt this much. I had hoped I could rely on shock to carry me painlessly to the other side if there was one. It seemed the toll on that particular bridge was endless suffering and pain. I planted one foot on the floor of the tub, twisting my body as I aimed a solid kick to the side of his head. My foot connected so hard I felt my bones break. I couldn't scream. He'd released me and I needed air. I scrambled up, unable to take the vindicated breath. As my body tipped over the side of the tub and hit the tile I vomited what felt like a gallon of water, if water were really liquid fire full of razor blades. I needed to get to the .38. Just a room away. 

_Move your ass, Reed_. 

I tried to will my limbs to get up, to move. I pushed myself to the doorway when he caught me by my hair, jerking me back into the room so hard I thought he might separate my scalp from my skull. 

"No no no. Where are you going Gabriella?" He crooned pulling me into his arms. "We have things to discuss baby." His hand came up to my throat, squeezing with renewed vigor. His body was massive and hot against my back, the buckles and straps digging into me. 

"Go _fuck_ yourself." I croaked, burping up more water, then coughing so hard my chest felt like it had been run over by a cement truck. 

"No, see. That's not nice. Imagine my surprise when I finally find you in this shithole city and find out you're letting one of _them_ fuck you. I came here to take back what's mine and I see you got a fucking android literally holding my place for me. Do you know what that does to me? Hearing you scream for a fucking machine..." he snarled. "You were supposed to die in Louisiana but it seems that god wants you to suffer, baby." His free hand traveled down my stomach, lingering over my sex like he was fighting an internal dilemma. 

I knew what came next if he followed his old patterns. I was not willing to see that thought through. I threw my head back with all my force, smashing against his face with a sickening crack and a howl of agony. The plan had been to stun him and run for the gun in the next room, but he never let go of my neck. Instead he wrapped his other hand around it and squeezed until we both heard a loud _pop._ I could still feel my body, so I figured it wasn't broken. I was still alive somehow. That had to count for something, right? 

Every nerve inside me fired so painfully I thought I'd die. He'd lifted me off my feet, smashing the back of my head through the mirror. Glass rained down over my head, shoulders and back, clattering loudly into the sink he had me seated in. Blood poured into my eyes and mouth. 

He pressed all of his considerable weight and muscle into my throat. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't scream. I leveled a punch at his face that was barely an inch or so too short. 

He laughed as I struggled. Everything inside me disconnected one memory at a time. Faces flashed in my vision like an old movie. I tried to remember Connor's voice. Everything was broken. I was broken. I was sinking. My body felt too heavy. I let go of them. Of me. Mentally, I switched gears. I was dying. I wasn't going to die alone.

I locked eyes with Donovan for the first time. Hell burned green in their depths. I called his attention to my face. "I said..." he watched me enthralled as my fingers fumbled blindly in the sink beneath me till they found what they were looking for. "...go fuck yourself."

Summoning all the strength I had, I stabbed the shard of glass into the side of his neck, ignoring the pain as it sliced through my hand like butter. He released me again, stumbling backwards with a shocked gurgle. His eyes were wide and terrified as I slid off the sink onto my feet. By some miracle I didn't crumple. Not immediately. As he slowly sank to the floor I sank with him until we lay face to face. 

I bared my teeth, using what strength I had left to push the glass further into his neck. He screamed in agony. I pushed harder. The floor was wet with our blood, mixing with each other and the water I'd thrown up. Pain sang through me as never before. It sliced through my muscles. It stretched and enveloped me. It was the cushioning between my joints. It colored my thoughts red. I wanted to escape the unendurable agony. I couldn't stomach the sight before me. I couldn't run away from the horror. My insides unraveled and spilled from my mouth in a fountain of blood. Inside me the chasm of deep nothing began to draw me into it and I felt my connection to myself bow and snap. 

Something nagged at my subconscious, pulling like a thread. I had to get help but I didn't move. I laid there with him, watching the light fade from his eyes and felt nothing. I didn't know how long I watched his body. 

The room around me faded slowly at first, soft around the edges. I felt like I'd forgotten something important, but I had no idea what it was. The profound emptiness inside me expanded, and I decided whatever it was, it didn't matter. 

Even the pain ebbed as the world faded to black.  
\----

Hank had meant to catch up with Connor sooner after he'd left Wilson's but had gotten caught up at the station waiting for Jeffrey to finish up a phone call with the feds, who were sending a task force to hunt Donovan now that they knew he was in Detroit. 

He'd just refilled his coffee and poured the astronomical amount of liquid creamer he needed to make to it drinkable when the call came blasting over the walkie on his hip. Jeff had been making way over to apologize for the wait. 

_"10-13, 816 west Hubbard ave, requesting med-evac, unit 12 on scene"_

Their eyes met in horror as understanding crept in. 

"That's _Reed_." Hank said, his face white. He felt his heart thumping painfully in acceleration. Quickly, carefully, he put the hot coffee down and pulled out his phone. Jeff raced into his office, grabbing his keys. 

"I'm driving." He commanded. Hank didn't argue. The men rushed from the building to the parking structure out back. As they moved, Hank dialed a number he thought he'd never use. 

"Kamski." Elijah answered immediately. If something had happened to Gavin, they would need the prick's help to keep Connor from exploding. The lieutenant's mind was racing with unpleasant possibilities. 

"We're on our way to Gavin's. I don't know anything yet, but we may need you." Hank felt like a traitor as he climbed into the front seat of Jeff's Lexus. 

"I'll be there as soon as I can." Elijah said hurriedly before hanging up. 

As Jeff pulled out into the road, Hank tried Connor's cell. The android would have heard the same call go out. It went to voicemail. He tried again only to get the same forwarding message. Anxiety snaked up his spine and in desperation he decided to dial Connor's serial number. It should give the lieutenant a direct connection to his partner's mind. The sound that answered the phone was not a voice, nor did Hank think it was intentional. He jerked the phone away from his ear at the hideous screeching that sounded like a worn out audio tape of someone being tortured muffled by the static of being played too much. The broken mechanical screams and hisses made his stomach flip violently before the sound cut off and the call ended itself. 

"What in god's name was _that_?" Jeff asked, clearly having heard it. He was driving so fast both men were pinned back in their seats. 

"I think that was Connor." Hank felt his blood turn to ice in his veins as cold dread shot through him. "Go faster."

"Right." Jeff said, pushing the pedal to the floor.   
\----  
Neither knew what to expect when they arrived. In the worst of his imaginings, it was nothing like this. Jeff and Hank approached the home and the first thing they noticed was Tina Chen sitting on the curb sobbing into her blood stained hands while Chris Miller, her partner, was trying to convince her to stop touching her face. The ambulance was sitting on stand by, door open with paramedics waiting for their patient. They looked anxious, as first responders often did when tending to one of their own. Other officers in uniform were creating a boundary to keep the curious neighbors at a respectful distance. 

Jeff felt like he was a thousand miles away from himself as he took the short walk up the driveway. Chris jogged over, sweating profusely. 

"What's happening?" Jeff asked, bewildered. 

"Tina went in to check on Gavin about a half hour ago. She found her and Donovan unresponsive on the bathroom floor. Blood everywhere. She was," his voice cracked under the strain of speaking what was witnessed out loud. "She wasn't breathing. Connor is in there with two medics. They're trying to stabilize her for transport." Tears slid down his cheeks. 

"And Donovan?" Hank asked, clearing his throat in a bid to remove the lump forming there. 

"Dead." Chris stuttered. "She got the son of a bitch." He took a shaking breath. "Cap, she was...she was naked and we don't know yet what he did to her. We were right _here_." Jeff pulled the younger man into a hug as he began to sob. 

"This is _not_ your fault!" The Captain hissed. He motioned behind Chris for Hank to go inside and assist. Hank nodded, trying to steel himself.

" _She isn't dead_." He told himself as he climbed the steps and moved through the open door. " _She isn't dead_." He pled with the universe as he took the echoing steps across the livingroom tiles, where he could hear the medics performing CPR. He fought down the desire to close his eyes, as he stepped into a river of blood running through the open bathroom doorway. 

_Jesus have mercy._

He prayed as he reached the entrance and immediately wanted to vomit. Connor sat on the side of the tub, his hands and face bloody. He was so still Hank would have thought he'd shut down without the telltale LED, except that his eyes were glowing brightly, orange light emanating from his pupils. He watched the EMT's as they worked over Gavin's limp body. 

She was completely naked, with black bruises all the way around her neck, her normal caramel complexion was ashen. Her eyes were half closed, full lips parted under the breathing mask. The floor was flooded in a half inch of crimson. 

Hank's mind viciously rejected the sight and without intending to he slammed his eyes closed and whipped around to lean back on the outer wall. " _She isn't dead_." He snarled in his mind. He didn't see Donovan's body anywhere. Had they already removed it?

"Hank. Shit, here you are." Ben Collins was walking towards him. The man looked lost. His eyes were red, complexion blotchy. He'd been crying. "You need to get out of here, you look green." He said, not unkindly. 

Hank needed to get Connor out of here, but he figured he had a better chance of draining the Mississippi with a straw. "What the hell happened?" Hank asked instead of moving. He didn't want to look around. He stayed as still as he could, trying to fight back the nausea. 

"Far as we can tell he ambushed her in the bath. She killed him with a piece of glass from the mirror." He sniffled. "Takes a real big man to beat a small girl to death, fucking animal." He spit contemptuously. 

"She's _not_ dead." Hank countered vehemently. "She-"

"Rhythm established. She's breathing. This is as good as we're going to get, let move her." One of the paramedics said. "Connor wait-"

" _Move_." The android's voice came heavy and thick, the double timbre vibrated unpleasantly. 

"Let's go." Hank said to Ben who nodded his ascent and turned back to the front door.

Jeff was barely listening to the report on Donovan's body when Hank and Ben came through the front door, followed by two emts and then Connor, carrying Gavin in his arms. She was limp and pale, her modesty protected only by a thin sheet that was already sticking to her, soaked in blood. It was like a macabre procession to the waiting ambulance where the men scrambled to take her.

"I don't _fucking_ believe this is happening." He murmured to himself, his hands resting, fingers interlocked at the top of his head. He felt defeated. The emts closed the doors on the ambulance, Connor inside with them, and left with sirens blaring. Jeff only realized as they were leaving he should have tried to keep Connor here, though he knew the likelyhood of that attempt was minimal at best. 

Just as Hank had reached the Captain a sleek black sports car screamed up to the curb. Hank turned to Jeffrey. "I'll handle him. I think Tina needs some time off." Hank said, relieved that Jeff simply nodded.

"I'll let her know." Jeff said quietly. "Good luck with the brother." He nodded as Elijah stepped out of his vehicle, looking anxious. 

Hank ran a heavy hand through his hair, so entirely overwhelmed he wasn't sure anything was real. He quickly made his way over to the older Kamski, who hesitated at the front door. 

"She's alive, but trust me you don't want to go into the house." Hank said, pulling on his beard as Elijah's eyes widened immeasurably.

"No, I do. I need to understand." Elijah grimaced, his eyes so blue looking into them was like looking into the sky on a clear day and realizing how small you were. With that Elijah turned on his heel and strode into the house. He truthfully had no idea what he hoped to glean from the scene, but he knew something inside him needed to see it. He needed to know it was real. 

Shock locked his muscles as he stood in the doorway to the bathroom. The floor was a visual story of a fight for life. Blood and broken glass. A perfect battlefield. A glaring declaration of the enormity of their collective failure to protect his only sibling from one crazy man. 

After every precaution, Donovan had found his way in anyway. The arrogance on both sides astounded and assailed him. Her police friends failed. Her lover failed. 

Elijah's fists shook in rage at his sides. He could hear Hank approaching slowly. "Tell me all this blood isn't hers." The younger man choked out, grief wailing through him. 

"We think it's mostly his. She killed him." Hank answered. He eyed the younger man, hoping he wasn't witnessing the buildup to a tantrum. Everyone was upset. Theatrics were unnecessary. Instead Elijah turned slowly, giving Hank a meaningful look that made the older man decidedly uncomfortable. 

"Where is Connor?" Elijah asked, pinning the lieutenant with a glacial gaze. 

Hank definately didn't like the look he was getting but he didn't know what it meant. Elijah wasn't given to foolish whimsy. What could be going through his mind? Hank could always tell when someone's wheels were turning and the young man before him was heavily weighing something. "Where do you think?" He scolded, feeling snappish. 

Whatever the crazy genius had on his mind he simply shook his head. "Let's go." He said, moving to the door. 

As they exited, Ben agreed to stay to make sure the scene was properly processed. He said it would make him feel useful to do this rather than sit in a hospital waiting room. Hank figured the man would like to avoid Connor just as much but he said nothing about it.   
\----  
For the second time Connor found himself in a hospital waiting room, bloody, and fearful that the woman he loved was dead. She had begged him not to underestimate Donovan. He'd been so hell bent on finding him he'd neglected to check the house, and Gavin paid dearly for his arrogance. 

Guilt was a complicated, smothering emotion. It laid itself over him like a heavy wet blanket, sucking all the air out of the room. His reconstruction software had no problem putting together what had happened in that bathroom. 

He tried to dismiss the simulation. She was nude and vulnerable in the bath. The music playing kept her from hearing him enter.

First he drowned her, she struggled and managed to land a kick to the side of his head, breaking her foot in the process. 

She crawled out of the tub and tried to run. He caught her and pulled her back by her hair. She headbutted him, breaking his nose. 

He choked her so hard he caused a cervical dislocation, then slammed her head into the mirror, lacerating her scalp so deep the glass scraped against her skull. 

The man clearly had intended to cause brain death, as he had repeatedly and viciously gone for her head. 

Connor replayed her shoving the glass into Donovan's neck in three loops without meaning to. He'd reset himself in the ambulance on the way over, now that he knew how. 

Displeasure bloomed as Hank walked into the sterile room with Elijah on his heels. Connor had just decided against pulling Kamski's tongue out of his skull to keep him quiet when the pair reached him. 

"Any news?" Hank asked, pulling the android's attention away from Elijah. 

"She has several broken and dislocated bones, and lacerations to her head and her hand. Severe bruising to her throat. She's in surgery, again. But holding stable now." Connor said, clasping his hands together.

The way he said " _now_ " left the lieutenant with the impression she had spent a minute or two very much dead. He shuddered, sure that he would be having nightmares about this for the rest of his life. 

Elijah dropped into a chair, immediately covering his face with his hands. He hadn't let the emotions of the day in, but now they floored him. He couldn't stop the tears any more than he could stop the tide. The accusation of responsibility he'd planned to beat Connor over the head with dissolved into his wracking sobs.  
\----  
"What the shit is this?" Hank choked out, standing in front of Jeffrey's desk the following week. The man had been having the most miserable time trying to manage Connor's outbursts. Gavin was stable, but had not woken, and the android was beside himself with every emotion on the spectrum dialed to 11. 

When he'd come into the office, there sitting in the chair in front of Fowler's desk was Connor, except it _wasn't_. 

This android was a few inches taller, broader, with blue eyes. He sat unsettlingly straight, his face serene. 

"This is the RK900. He was supposed to replace Connor but Cyberlife failed and tried to bury him in the basement, literally." Jeff explained, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. "He's basically Connor's younger brother."

The android turned to Hank, giving a small smile. "Elijah found me the day your friend was attacked. I am sorry to hear her condition hasn't improved further." He said, looking genuinely concerned. "Once I was awake, I decided to take up the original function Cyberlife had planned for me. I would like to get to know Connor and everyone here. I came to ask captain Fowler for a job." He stood, coming an inch higher than Hank who was no slouch at 6 foot 3. "If that is agreeable to you."

The young android held out a hand, an offering. Hank took it immediately. "Got a name, kid?" Hank questioned, shaking his hand firmly. 

The android smiled. "For now, Nines is sufficient. It is what Elijah has been calling me. I will find a more permanent designation later."

Hank nodded. "Are you deviated, Nines?" Cutting to the chase. If androids could shit themselves, Hank was fairly sure Connor was going to.

Nines frowned sadly, taking a deep breath. "Yes." He breathed. "Unlike the others, the command program was never installed. I can't imagine that oversight was intentional but the result is that I was born free, for want of a better term." 

"When Gavin returns to duty, Nines will be her partner." Jeff said, an ironic smile twisting his features. This just got better and better. "In the meantime, he'll be shadowing you and Connor. Learning the ropes."

Hank hooted a loud laugh. "Sure sure. Call me the fucking android whisperer." He cackled. This was going to end badly. The older man shook his head in mirth. The poor girl hadn't even woken up yet and she was being partnered up with an android she'd never met that looked like her boyfriend. This guy may or may not answer the question 'do androids get jealous?'. Hank wasn't ready for the fallout if the answer was _yes_.   
\----  
"Please come back to me." Connor pled softly, brushing his lips over Gavin's as she slept. He'd sat quietly through a parade of visitors in the last 7 days. Each bringing a card or flowers or letters to litter about her room. Each had said things, made pleas or just spoke to her. She had no idea how loved she was. The doctors had assured him she would wake when she was ready. That victims of such violent trauma often would retreat into their minds to avoid dealing with it. 

Connor picked up her phone, starting again where he'd left off reading Pride & Prejudice out loud from her e-reader. He wouldn't have figured her for a romantic, but he was happy to learn this about her. He dismissed several calls and texts from Hank that pinged his HUD. 

He passed the time this way, reading an epic love story.   
\----  
"How's she doing?" Hank asked as he took his regular spot on the bench. The shift today had been particularly troubling and he was not ready to go home.

Connor shifted his weight, eyeing Nines, who stood by the railing, watching the sun set over the city. They'd spent the day with her, and Nines was given a name. 

"Slowly improving." Connor sighed, frustrated. 

_Connor felt as though his mind might snap in two as Gavin opened her steel gray eyes, fixing them sharply on his face. She didn't look around the room or try to sit up. Her face was blank, though her eyes were so bright they were almost silver. They reminded him of twin pool of liquid mercury. "Am I dead?" She asked, her voice rough._

_Tears sprang from Connor's eyes. "No, my love. You are very much alive." He reached for her hand but she recoiled, bringing him up short. Horror rocketed through him, making his wiring sizzle._

_"I'm not supposed to be here." She said in a dead voice, devoid of emotion._

_The android didn't know what to say. His HUD exploded with errors and feedback. Why would she say such a thing? "I failed you." Connor said, defeated. "I'm sorry."_

_"I can't do this. Just, leave me alone." She retorted, closing her eyes._

_Everything in him screamed in agony. He desperately wanted to beg her not to close her eyes, not to shut him out. His entire body felt like it was vibrating as he stood._  
_"Call me if you need me." He said finally, lost_.

"Her doctors think she regressed emotionally, back to who she was just after the revolution. They say it's normal and that she needs time to mentally recover." Nines spoke the words Connor found himself choking on, and once again he was grateful for the other android's presence. 

Hank had a weird feeling whenever the two of them were together. They often communicated silently, and spoke for each other. The explosion of wild human emotions he'd expected from Connor never manifested. Instead, the RK900 fell into step with him as if they'd been walking together all along. 

"Human brain chemistry is complicated." Hank shrugged, popping open a beer. "It's only been a couple of weeks. She's got a lot to unpack." He took a swig, enjoying the bitter hops. "What did she think of you?" He asked, pointing the mouth of his bottle at Nines. 

Nines smiled at the question, as Connor chuckled. "Outwardly, it would seem she hates me." He said cheerfully with a lopsided grin. 

" _Nines? That's a stupid fucking name. Can I call you something else_?" Connor mimicked her voice perfectly. 

Hank almost spit his beer out, laughter rocking through him. Of course she would be a dickhead first. Anyone who wanted a friendship with Gavin had to break through her walls and even then, take her as she was, on her terms. "That figures." He snorted. "So, what did she come up with?" He asked, still chuckling here and there through sips of his drink.

" _Raizen_." The androids spoke in tandem, both wearing the same expression. Admiration, and ferocious hope. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be back soon with All The King's Men ♡


End file.
